The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
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