Texts From Last Night

duckie's Favorites Texts:

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube

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  (617): I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube http://tfl.nu/ozne
  Replies (13) Good night (2880) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.

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  (330): if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would. http://tfl.nu/x08w
  Replies (16) Good night (3734) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg

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  (508): he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg http://tfl.nu/z4cs
  Replies (5) Good night (335) Bad night (2563) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.

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  (484): We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break. http://tfl.nu/ezuj
  Replies (9) Good night (3744) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  how was last night?

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.

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  (908): how was last night? (1-908): i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me. http://tfl.nu/23nl
  Replies (32) Good night (6053) Bad night (2774)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.

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  (859): MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT. http://tfl.nu/s1v1
  Replies (70) Good night (4379) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm jealous

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My throat feels like a candle.

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  (270): T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English. (1-270): I'm jealous (270): My throat feels like a candle. http://tfl.nu/vpw9
  Replies (31) Good night (7279) Bad night (583)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  god. i hate danny gokey.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  he's mormon right? lame.

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  (614): god. i hate danny gokey. (1-614): Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk. (614): he's mormon right? lame. http://tfl.nu/r00r
  Replies (45) Good night (586) Bad night (1133)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard

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  (917): My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard http://tfl.nu/zt1l
  Replies (19) Good night (2739) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn

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  (520): Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn http://tfl.nu/666p
  Replies (20) Good night (6349) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.

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  (757): You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy. http://tfl.nu/hg9j
  Replies (81) Good night (1753) Bad night (4804) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I can feel you judging me through the phone.

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  (703): I can feel you judging me through the phone. http://tfl.nu/i7dh
  Replies (14) Good night (964) Bad night (3230) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !

  (1-716): View more from New York

  How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'

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  (716): holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today ! (1-716): How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...' http://tfl.nu/v4tn
  Replies (47) Good night (8981) Bad night (628)
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  (619): View more from California

  i miss you so much

  (858): View more from California

  i miss you too

  (858): View more from California

  oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me

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  (619): i miss you so much (858): i miss you too (858): oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me http://tfl.nu/932e
  Replies (16) Good night (2194) Bad night (465)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.

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  (913): No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands. http://tfl.nu/4dof
  Replies (7) Good night (825) Bad night (3766) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.

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  (845): I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says. http://tfl.nu/83ho
  Replies (36) Good night (4029) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.

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  (440): I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat. http://tfl.nu/xoj4
  Replies (6) Good night (871) Bad night (3056) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.

  (310): View more from California

  I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.

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  (310): Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail. (310): I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore. http://tfl.nu/tf34
  Replies (11) Good night (3388) Bad night (732)
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  (415): View more from California

  From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.

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  (415): From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle. http://tfl.nu/bjh3
  Replies (5) Good night (827) Bad night (2794) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  "Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"

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  (210): "Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People" http://tfl.nu/6fy6
  Replies (23) Good night (3286) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.

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  (817): i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby. http://tfl.nu/i81q
  Replies (101) Good night (5403) Bad night (1407) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

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  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (49048) Bad night (2220) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.

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  (610): I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/pcj6
  Replies (38) Good night (3945) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground

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  (480): I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground http://tfl.nu/mit9
  Replies (22) Good night (789) Bad night (4053) Order T-Shirt
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  (209): View more from California

  do you want me to make hamburgers?

  (541): View more from Oregon

  i'm vegan

  (209): View more from California

  i'll put lettuce on them

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  (209): do you want me to make hamburgers? (541): i'm vegan (209): i'll put lettuce on them http://tfl.nu/hb72
  Replies (37) Good night (7201) Bad night (757)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time

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  (571): he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time http://tfl.nu/1urp
  Replies (40) Good night (6376) Bad night (1363) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.

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  (678): Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth. http://tfl.nu/wet5
  Replies (9) Good night (426) Bad night (3070) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!

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  (310): YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??! http://tfl.nu/ltdu
  Replies (55) Good night (8333) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah

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  (401): if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah http://tfl.nu/0yif
  Replies (16) Good night (3620) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!

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  (210): this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings! http://tfl.nu/x9r9
  Replies (54) Good night (4369) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"

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  (909): You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish" http://tfl.nu/4kon
  Replies (9) Good night (3240) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.

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  (360): So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor. http://tfl.nu/jcpz
  Replies (9) Good night (3169) Bad night (309) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Thursdays are my worst days

  (1-416): View more from Ontario

  but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?

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  (416): Thursdays are my worst days (1-416): but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay? http://tfl.nu/vmle
  Replies (49) Good night (4513) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  If you die in college, do you die in real life?

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  (813): If you die in college, do you die in real life? http://tfl.nu/s9pw
  Replies (42) Good night (8858) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.

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  (513): Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule. http://tfl.nu/z55h
  Replies (25) Good night (3580) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.

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  (740): The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story. http://tfl.nu/x6qv
  Replies (18) Good night (6174) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.

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  (817): The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down. http://tfl.nu/fg57
  Replies (19) Good night (6678) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude, I think my check liver light just came on

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  (906): Dude, I think my check liver light just came on http://tfl.nu/539i
  Replies (29) Good night (7482) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.

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  (330): He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius. http://tfl.nu/c6ym
  Replies (36) Good night (7606) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.

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  (916): They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door. http://tfl.nu/s1xt
  Replies (23) Good night (6018) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.

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  (817): The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen. http://tfl.nu/gj69
  Replies (38) Good night (12214) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document

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  (570): I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document http://tfl.nu/k2y9
  Replies (49) Good night (979) Bad night (5791) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.

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  (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth. http://tfl.nu/f5s8
  Replies (116) Good night (6293) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  :O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"

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  (971): :O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out" http://tfl.nu/uf6x
  Replies (30) Good night (590) Bad night (11180) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.

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  (908): Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat. http://tfl.nu/zq2c
  Replies (22) Good night (1131) Bad night (3358) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.

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  (301): I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss. http://tfl.nu/xujk
  Replies (16) Good night (5598) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

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  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (52342) Bad night (3941) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me

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  (610): Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me http://tfl.nu/1f94
  Replies (35) Good night (1340) Bad night (4313) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"

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  (718): you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD" http://tfl.nu/zg6m
  Replies (29) Good night (843) Bad night (4424) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.

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  (570): so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party. http://tfl.nu/bja2
  Replies (45) Good night (5686) Bad night (1649)
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  (914): View more from New York

  i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"

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  (914): i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!" http://tfl.nu/2ify
  Replies (16) Good night (6915) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.

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  (330): he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60. http://tfl.nu/7fqw
  Replies (20) Good night (5752) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.

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  (765): So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come. http://tfl.nu/tezg
  Replies (23) Good night (5356) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  people are starting to question the shark bite story

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  (321): people are starting to question the shark bite story http://tfl.nu/6iki
  Replies (19) Good night (3708) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69183) Bad night (1983) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Tell me the dirtiest joke you know

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  Sarah Palin

  (907): View more from Alaska

  god, I love you

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  (907): Tell me the dirtiest joke you know (1-907): Sarah Palin (907): god, I love you http://tfl.nu/fmd4
  Replies (100) Good night (10003) Bad night (900)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?

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  (301): I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus? http://tfl.nu/vinz
  Replies (20) Good night (3872) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  wakey wakey hands off snakey

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  (412): wakey wakey hands off snakey http://tfl.nu/v0if
  Replies (13) Good night (990) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Yes.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria

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  (612): You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!! (763): Yes. (612): fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria http://tfl.nu/wx8p
  Replies (37) Good night (4195) Bad night (454)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.

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  (724): Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions. http://tfl.nu/lnut
  Replies (29) Good night (635) Bad night (2287)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra

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  (717): im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra http://tfl.nu/5ubo
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.

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  (901): I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus. http://tfl.nu/pp37
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?

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  (980): How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail? http://tfl.nu/xsa7
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  (281): View more from Texas

  After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.

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  (281): After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses. http://tfl.nu/xdpj
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.

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  (215): Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town. http://tfl.nu/ozti
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.

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  (609): She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good. http://tfl.nu/1igy
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are

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  (301): I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are http://tfl.nu/5z46
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.

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  (214): Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake. http://tfl.nu/zq33
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  (940): View more from Texas

  She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.

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  (940): She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one. http://tfl.nu/4xsk
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?

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  (919): I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...? http://tfl.nu/n1uy
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made

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  (609): she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made http://tfl.nu/a7md
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  (817): View more from Texas

  just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.

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  (817): just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing. http://tfl.nu/3pw8
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  maybe i'll see you again later :)

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd rather shit a knife.

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  (612): maybe i'll see you again later :) (774): I'd rather shit a knife. http://tfl.nu/qge0
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind

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  (773): I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind http://tfl.nu/hlcm
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  (435): View more from Utah

  oh god the rape fog is back!

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  (435): oh god the rape fog is back! http://tfl.nu/bgw9
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"

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  (610): my new favorite insult= "thundercunt" http://tfl.nu/7c82
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  (760): View more from California

  I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.

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  (760): I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs. http://tfl.nu/67s4
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time

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  (250): i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time http://tfl.nu/g1as
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  (415): View more from California

  Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.

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  (415): Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer. http://tfl.nu/s996
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after

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  (508): Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after http://tfl.nu/akdp
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.

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  (402): lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce (1-402): IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE. http://tfl.nu/loe7
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.

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  (334): Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies. http://tfl.nu/fldh
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm moving there. Get me hired.

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  (502): Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job. (973): I'm moving there. Get me hired. http://tfl.nu/wn7j
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

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  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.

  (818): View more from California

  Punch her baby.

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  (314): There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me. (818): Punch her baby. http://tfl.nu/ve2m
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  (512): View more from Texas

  my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??

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  (512): my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college?? http://tfl.nu/kvis
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.

  (661): View more from California

  Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.

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  (480): I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED. (661): Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand. http://tfl.nu/omij
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  That Cesar Milan is captivating

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  (954): Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer (1-954): That Cesar Milan is captivating http://tfl.nu/iuqa
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  (212): View more from New York

  She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.

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  (212): She was not exactly lady-like. Down there. http://tfl.nu/8oh7
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling

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  (724): I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo. (724): That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling http://tfl.nu/z57r
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.

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  (248): i fuckib htae you, you church bitch. http://tfl.nu/lauo
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt

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  (989): I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt http://tfl.nu/o754
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!

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  (413): no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo! http://tfl.nu/f58l
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

  (850): View more from Florida

  I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

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  (850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife http://tfl.nu/5iik
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.

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  (508): i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer. http://tfl.nu/bdc9
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.

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  (480): WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE. http://tfl.nu/0o9o
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

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  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
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  (646): View more from New York

  Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.

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  (646): Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down. http://tfl.nu/gdah
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