my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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