I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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