Texts From Last Night

sicklytwisted's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible http://tfl.nu/x1el
  Replies (8) Good night (4024) Bad night (1366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Because we had sex in one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory? (1-919): Because we had sex in one. http://tfl.nu/y2am
  Replies (7) Good night (5580) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us. http://tfl.nu/wdqz
  Replies (5) Good night (4264) Bad night (970)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has. http://tfl.nu/36lp
  Replies (11) Good night (6671) Bad night (1548)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem http://tfl.nu/y1i7
  Replies (6) Good night (3343) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them. http://tfl.nu/l7o1
  Replies (20) Good night (1134) Bad night (5956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters. http://tfl.nu/nfga
  Replies (14) Good night (5975) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand. http://tfl.nu/k6dt
  Replies (26) Good night (6645) Bad night (1215)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics. http://tfl.nu/u31h
  Replies (25) Good night (5461) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

  (1-310): View more from California

  you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee! (1-310): you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right? http://tfl.nu/vyk6
  Replies (30) Good night (11609) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"? http://tfl.nu/3j2r
  Replies (32) Good night (16983) Bad night (1202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX" http://tfl.nu/a1ku
  Replies (20) Good night (1492) Bad night (5406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ask politely.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thats good enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Ask politely. (610): Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you? (484): Thats good enough. http://tfl.nu/nxir
  Replies (62) Good night (13200) Bad night (1110)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches" http://tfl.nu/07la
  Replies (17) Good night (6348) Bad night (1602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours. http://tfl.nu/vgfj
  Replies (118) Good night (39625) Bad night (1607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy. http://tfl.nu/bakf
  Replies (43) Good night (2234) Bad night (7326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables http://tfl.nu/0ytp
  Replies (11) Good night (4960) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules. http://tfl.nu/ttz2
  Replies (26) Good night (7857) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance http://tfl.nu/bc1t
  Replies (21) Good night (3363) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  They are making fun of natty and blackberries.

  (646): View more from New York

  Tell them they are ugly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): They are making fun of natty and blackberries. (646): Tell them they are ugly. http://tfl.nu/s2y1
  Replies (8) Good night (3833) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside http://tfl.nu/iwzn
  Replies (23) Good night (1158) Bad night (5328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk. http://tfl.nu/wlu8
  Replies (101) Good night (2955) Bad night (12046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3
  Replies (51) Good night (15129) Bad night (3710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store http://tfl.nu/jpa2
  Replies (19) Good night (5086) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady." http://tfl.nu/ftym
  Replies (11) Good night (6141) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  that was a mass text, wasnt it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared. (1-303): that was a mass text, wasnt it? http://tfl.nu/9i1u
  Replies (22) Good night (6989) Bad night (1300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina. (614): Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money http://tfl.nu/rx4e
  Replies (27) Good night (6660) Bad night (1285)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew http://tfl.nu/fmsn
  Replies (16) Good night (7207) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way. http://tfl.nu/qonl
  Replies (34) Good night (5925) Bad night (2091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick http://tfl.nu/5e6v
  Replies (17) Good night (972) Bad night (9862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier. http://tfl.nu/o9ed
  Replies (19) Good night (9100) Bad night (1276)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada. http://tfl.nu/0b9c
  Replies (22) Good night (6012) Bad night (1880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  the part where you beat me to him

  (410): View more from Maryland

  fair enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?! (1-410): the part where you beat me to him (410): fair enough. http://tfl.nu/4y3l
  Replies (18) Good night (7510) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  it happened again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels? (973): it happened again. http://tfl.nu/jmjg
  Replies (8) Good night (5974) Bad night (750)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure. http://tfl.nu/ruyi
  Replies (10) Good night (5824) Bad night (1498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  What did I say?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why. (847): What did I say? (636): Don't ask me questions while I have an erection, http://tfl.nu/e9w1
  Replies (11) Good night (7712) Bad night (1033)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (22) Good night (13956) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv. http://tfl.nu/oqts
  Replies (61) Good night (10566) Bad night (1633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud? http://tfl.nu/6q2n
  Replies (30) Good night (8946) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...? http://tfl.nu/cucy
  Replies (15) Good night (6521) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+32): View more from Belgium

  We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+32): We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers. http://tfl.nu/61q6
  Replies (13) Good night (6416) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  bc i get to see you. naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid? (203): bc i get to see you. naked. http://tfl.nu/db7h
  Replies (24) Good night (8118) Bad night (1168)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (123) Good night (46604) Bad night (1694)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face. http://tfl.nu/ce47
  Replies (74) Good night (2157) Bad night (8771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up http://tfl.nu/jdv3
  Replies (24) Good night (11685) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom. http://tfl.nu/dmbr
  Replies (16) Good night (2033) Bad night (6559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee http://tfl.nu/57zq
  Replies (20) Good night (8389) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake http://tfl.nu/w9rn
  Replies (8) Good night (2334) Bad night (5348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin. http://tfl.nu/un5l
  Replies (18) Good night (7929) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar. http://tfl.nu/427l
  Replies (8) Good night (3284) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many http://tfl.nu/z652
  Replies (8) Good night (4761) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.

  (1-312): View more from Illinois

  None of that is ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there. (1-312): None of that is ok. http://tfl.nu/fi6r
  Replies (38) Good night (5396) Bad night (3574)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here. http://tfl.nu/dbsi
  Replies (9) Good night (3444) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person. http://tfl.nu/uqdv
  Replies (54) Good night (1644) Bad night (5726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance. http://tfl.nu/3lur
  Replies (32) Good night (9431) Bad night (1811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings http://tfl.nu/clzp
  Replies (13) Good night (2815) Bad night (4683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found... http://tfl.nu/titb
  Replies (16) Good night (9642) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars. http://tfl.nu/f73b
  Replies (14) Good night (8258) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i fucked a milf yesterday.

  (619): View more from California

  i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i fucked a milf yesterday. (619): i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old. http://tfl.nu/l3df
  Replies (28) Good night (13235) Bad night (1656)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs http://tfl.nu/yswk
  Replies (18) Good night (10402) Bad night (1077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints" http://tfl.nu/ml68
  Replies (12) Good night (6235) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything http://tfl.nu/rmdb
  Replies (5) Good night (4703) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14650) Bad night (1667)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation http://tfl.nu/w0jl
  Replies (9) Good night (6695) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well. http://tfl.nu/7lfy
  Replies (20) Good night (7265) Bad night (1127) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus. http://tfl.nu/vr5q
  Replies (15) Good night (9552) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron. http://tfl.nu/58sn
  Replies (21) Good night (8865) Bad night (1001)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood. http://tfl.nu/a0o1
  Replies (35) Good night (5055) Bad night (1562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  yeah thats usually a good indication.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face.. (1-317): yeah thats usually a good indication. http://tfl.nu/79nx
  Replies (6) Good night (5142) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style http://tfl.nu/9r5x
  Replies (39) Good night (12564) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool (252): Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five http://tfl.nu/6bci
  Replies (13) Good night (6133) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  so you did it...

  (352): View more from Florida

  obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview... (1-352): so you did it... (352): obv...but still...it was inconsiderate. http://tfl.nu/j7x7
  Replies (29) Good night (5710) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home." 

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."  http://tfl.nu/9eb3
  Replies (15) Good night (7096) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She's allergic to latex.

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Lucky bastard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She's allergic to latex. (678): Lucky bastard. http://tfl.nu/kpxi
  Replies (30) Good night (5670) Bad night (1427)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy. http://tfl.nu/8ucs
  Replies (14) Good night (1019) Bad night (5040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me. http://tfl.nu/k06t
  Replies (47) Good night (9620) Bad night (1923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??

  (713): View more from Texas

  Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept?? (713): Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger. http://tfl.nu/oww9
  Replies (44) Good night (4812) Bad night (9135)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  I ordered a moonbounce.

  (813): View more from Florida

  Fuck, you win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party. (1-813): I ordered a moonbounce. (813): Fuck, you win. http://tfl.nu/qedv
  Replies (39) Good night (10236) Bad night (891)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.

  (904): View more from Florida

  FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing. (904): FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift http://tfl.nu/ws8p
  Replies (18) Good night (7490) Bad night (974)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me http://tfl.nu/38h8
  Replies (28) Good night (7260) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?! http://tfl.nu/7uj0
  Replies (10) Good night (6658) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you http://tfl.nu/vy0a
  Replies (21) Good night (4942) Bad night (1483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her. http://tfl.nu/fg6t
  Replies (13) Good night (6530) Bad night (1430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day. http://tfl.nu/pyo4
  Replies (7) Good night (4894) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her http://tfl.nu/ekrz
  Replies (72) Good night (2013) Bad night (11213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake". http://tfl.nu/w0jz
  Replies (77) Good night (18508) Bad night (2418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up. http://tfl.nu/juwj
  Replies (25) Good night (9979) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o54g
  Replies (36) Good night (12590) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you" http://tfl.nu/hln2
  Replies (19) Good night (6855) Bad night (1877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory. http://tfl.nu/jr9q
  Replies (7) Good night (1069) Bad night (3535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin. http://tfl.nu/wbej
  Replies (24) Good night (1749) Bad night (6631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat http://tfl.nu/5lfj
  Replies (63) Good night (11483) Bad night (1876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass. http://tfl.nu/xi9h
  Replies (63) Good night (20372) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it. http://tfl.nu/064r
  Replies (13) Good night (6255) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha http://tfl.nu/635d
  Replies (10) Good night (4570) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house" http://tfl.nu/wkle
  Replies (13) Good night (1184) Bad night (8496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone? http://tfl.nu/1eib
  Replies (9) Good night (5034) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him http://tfl.nu/gsvg
  Replies (7) Good night (5892) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/lg2v
  Replies (26) Good night (10602) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene. http://tfl.nu/fj0l
  Replies (38) Good night (6169) Bad night (1845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk
  Replies (63) Good night (21451) Bad night (1108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes http://tfl.nu/flaw
  Replies (26) Good night (1832) Bad night (4075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+82): View more from

  I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+82): I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes. http://tfl.nu/b0wk
  Replies (24) Good night (891) Bad night (7281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

  (713): View more from Texas

  lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen? (713): lets deal with that after we figure out where i am http://tfl.nu/0phs
  Replies (21) Good night (10816) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her http://tfl.nu/s6o1
  Replies (42) Good night (7801) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?! http://tfl.nu/vv8e
  Replies (26) Good night (12324) Bad night (1145) Order T-Shirt