Texts From Last Night · pinkelephant7's Favorites

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pinkelephant7's Favorites Texts:

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(330): View more from Ohio

First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

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(315): View more from New York

In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me

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(815): View more from Illinois

After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.

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(325): View more from Texas

So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.

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(714): View more from California

You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I have major gossip for you.

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

Oh no, did you have sex last night?

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position

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(203): View more from Connecticut

wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something

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(716): View more from New York

What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?

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(616): View more from Michigan

I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears

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(407): View more from Florida

Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.

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(727): View more from Florida

Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.

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(315): View more from New York

See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday

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(908): View more from New Jersey

he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward

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(708): View more from Illinois

I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.

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(906): View more from Michigan

I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.

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(425): View more from Washington

i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.

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(209): View more from California

High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.

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(807): View more from Ontario

It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.

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(641): View more from Iowa

IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.

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(310): View more from California

When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.

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(315): View more from New York

Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.

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(512): View more from Texas

He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game

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(609): View more from New Jersey

It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years

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(505): View more from New Mexico

We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.

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(602): View more from Arizona

I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.

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(512): View more from Texas

I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction

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(216): View more from Ohio

every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend

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(509): View more from Washington

I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe

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(618): View more from Illinois

Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!

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(518): View more from New York

His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina

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(540): View more from Virginia

AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy

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(720): View more from Colorado

Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over

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(501): View more from Arkansas

thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."

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(212): View more from New York

No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.

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(205): View more from Alabama

You fucked her?! HER?!

(1-205): View more from Alabama

She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.

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(941): View more from Florida

Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.

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(301): View more from Maryland

They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.

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(916): View more from California

My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.

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(641): View more from Iowa

Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day

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(214): View more from Texas

Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.

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(703): View more from Virginia

No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me

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(541): View more from Oregon

THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.

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(816): View more from Missouri

My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles

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(256): View more from Alabama

I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.

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(312): View more from Illinois

Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I am the drunkest girl in the tree.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?

(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...

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(317): View more from Indiana

I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

You're just horny.

(1-401): View more from Rhode Island

Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.

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(925): View more from California

All I want is tacobeell and your body

(1-925): View more from California

that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.

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(813): View more from Florida

EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?

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(646): View more from New York

I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.

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(407): View more from Florida

I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.

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(850): View more from Florida

I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed

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(253): View more from Washington

There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.

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(909): View more from California

I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.

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(708): View more from Illinois

What are you doing and how can I add sex in there

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?

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(712): View more from Iowa

I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love

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(239): View more from Florida

His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...

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(586): View more from Michigan

you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer

(1-586): View more from Michigan

Ok let me change into clothes i can run in

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(503): View more from Oregon

I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..

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(503): View more from Oregon

So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?

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(+61): View more from Australia

A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I think I sprained my soul last night

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.

(1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies

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(812): View more from Indiana

You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Why didn't I see you last night!?

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"

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(309): View more from Illinois

Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.

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(510): View more from California

Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.

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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm not a real person

(586): View more from Michigan

I'm sorry, everyone knows that

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(772): View more from Florida

I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

just woke up in my neighbors garage.

(931): View more from Tennessee

scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.

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(+84): View more from

The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white

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(440): View more from Ohio

it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.

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(515): View more from Iowa

On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.

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(509): View more from Washington

Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%

(405): View more from Oklahoma

And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted

(1-615): View more from Tennessee

it is a toga and you are a goddess.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'

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(519): View more from Ontario

I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.

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(253): View more from Washington

We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.

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(614): View more from Ohio

We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.

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(630): View more from Illinois

We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal

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(313): View more from Michigan

I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was

(734): View more from Michigan

you're 26.

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(407): View more from Florida

What's he like?

(954): View more from Florida

The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.

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pinkelephant7's Favorites Texts:

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