he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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