Texts From Last Night

craez4's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Now go wash the fat girl off your hands. http://tfl.nu/sym9
  Replies (17) Good night (993) Bad night (4176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life http://tfl.nu/5boh
  Replies (6) Good night (2745) Bad night (1327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Are you high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"? (1-630): Are you high? http://tfl.nu/3xxd
  Replies (21) Good night (6458) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!! http://tfl.nu/esz2
  Replies (4) Good night (1215) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her. http://tfl.nu/fi1h
  Replies (33) Good night (1601) Bad night (4015)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape http://tfl.nu/uzlj
  Replies (10) Good night (3878) Bad night (1292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone. http://tfl.nu/46r1
  Replies (5) Good night (2582) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok? http://tfl.nu/2iym
  Replies (14) Good night (345) Bad night (1064) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees. http://tfl.nu/d0ki
  Replies (11) Good night (4061) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours. http://tfl.nu/2v78
  Replies (2) Good night (1227) Bad night (262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste. http://tfl.nu/mscz
  Replies (9) Good night (3396) Bad night (1587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts. http://tfl.nu/ycxv
  Replies (4) Good night (862) Bad night (295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year. http://tfl.nu/ajj5
  Replies (4) Good night (1130) Bad night (255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone. http://tfl.nu/7x1i
  Replies (6) Good night (1525) Bad night (294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy. http://tfl.nu/ysza
  Replies (30) Good night (3922) Bad night (2092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/yvop
  Replies (10) Good night (549) Bad night (1088)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it. http://tfl.nu/1xwb
  Replies (12) Good night (4223) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/m2hu
  Replies (11) Good night (3201) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/dlw8
  Replies (5) Good night (2246) Bad night (336)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver http://tfl.nu/kd5u
  Replies (4) Good night (1494) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis. http://tfl.nu/jvao
  Replies (27) Good night (3799) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school

  (1-914): View more from New York

  oh right the one that ends on your bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school (1-914): oh right the one that ends on your bed http://tfl.nu/wrnw
  Replies (8) Good night (6117) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team http://tfl.nu/0wyh
  Replies (2) Good night (862) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button http://tfl.nu/tmep
  Replies (50) Good night (9247) Bad night (2850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar http://tfl.nu/p9qp
  Replies (6) Good night (2960) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.

  (707): View more from California

  *roof

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): 1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor. (707): *roof http://tfl.nu/ph25
  Replies (6) Good night (1622) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right". http://tfl.nu/kg1e
  Replies (8) Good night (1604) Bad night (4258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): whoa! who said he's my boyfriend? (1-306): Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina. http://tfl.nu/k1yy
  Replies (7) Good night (2664) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11. http://tfl.nu/k8vl
  Replies (21) Good night (5307) Bad night (2540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes. http://tfl.nu/2xtl
  Replies (6) Good night (2781) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you. http://tfl.nu/bm50
  Replies (6) Good night (1850) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down. (803): Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you. http://tfl.nu/a5n4
  Replies (8) Good night (1636) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf http://tfl.nu/hwzk
  Replies (44) Good night (14727) Bad night (1278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt. http://tfl.nu/2jv4
  Replies (10) Good night (6710) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  Who the fuck is this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake (1-561): Who the fuck is this http://tfl.nu/nqou
  Replies (13) Good night (4552) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again" http://tfl.nu/25pr
  Replies (6) Good night (3530) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.

  (360): View more from Washington

  It was me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who. (360): It was me. http://tfl.nu/kgk9
  Replies (3) Good night (2538) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us. http://tfl.nu/pfss
  Replies (3) Good night (1600) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now http://tfl.nu/l7gb
  Replies (11) Good night (3460) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  we didnt even have break up sex...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  you had it for us with someone else...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): we didnt even have break up sex... (1-816): you had it for us with someone else... http://tfl.nu/e06z
  Replies (17) Good night (1740) Bad night (6475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?

  (949): View more from California

  Midgetier?

  (714): View more from California

  Smaller, yet meaner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic? (949): Midgetier? (714): Smaller, yet meaner. http://tfl.nu/nr7w
  Replies (12) Good night (3812) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them. http://tfl.nu/h4ql
  Replies (12) Good night (3622) Bad night (1171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant. http://tfl.nu/aq1y
  Replies (25) Good night (11226) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday. http://tfl.nu/ol7y
  Replies (11) Good night (2244) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app. http://tfl.nu/h2ht
  Replies (1) Good night (1092) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  She just said, "are my livers going to die?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): She just said, "are my livers going to die?" http://tfl.nu/litp
  Replies (12) Good night (3173) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos. http://tfl.nu/hx66
  Replies (18) Good night (2436) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore" http://tfl.nu/cs3y
  Replies (16) Good night (4867) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia http://tfl.nu/20or
  Replies (5) Good night (4709) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home". http://tfl.nu/zprh
  Replies (8) Good night (1698) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers http://tfl.nu/iyv4
  Replies (17) Good night (8516) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way http://tfl.nu/ldbl
  Replies (22) Good night (5060) Bad night (1339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging. http://tfl.nu/m3cv
  Replies (7) Good night (1444) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning" http://tfl.nu/wpur
  Replies (9) Good night (921) Bad night (2523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge. http://tfl.nu/3ppt
  Replies (5) Good night (4529) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine. http://tfl.nu/rrcc
  Replies (3) Good night (1738) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby. http://tfl.nu/s0x6
  Replies (9) Good night (1808) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war http://tfl.nu/r6ab
  Replies (12) Good night (3974) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Get you some cowboy.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Get you some cowboy. (832): In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself. http://tfl.nu/cgrb
  Replies (6) Good night (857) Bad night (296)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching.. http://tfl.nu/8ueu
  Replies (11) Good night (920) Bad night (4069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  BoomCity!!!

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): BoomCity!!! (1-937): You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong. http://tfl.nu/5msc
  Replies (10) Good night (2210) Bad night (298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season. http://tfl.nu/uyun
  Replies (17) Good night (5535) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore. http://tfl.nu/r68q
  Replies (14) Good night (3982) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card http://tfl.nu/flh6
  Replies (27) Good night (3396) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel http://tfl.nu/o4xc
  Replies (6) Good night (2442) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly. http://tfl.nu/n1s3
  Replies (13) Good night (5576) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog. http://tfl.nu/rc38
  Replies (5) Good night (1595) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire. http://tfl.nu/9p46
  Replies (12) Good night (4969) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent. http://tfl.nu/g0ez
  Replies (21) Good night (7017) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck http://tfl.nu/04pl
  Replies (6) Good night (2316) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines. http://tfl.nu/30ox
  Replies (9) Good night (701) Bad night (1658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me. http://tfl.nu/ey2n
  Replies (16) Good night (5722) Bad night (1732)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes. http://tfl.nu/2r4g
  Replies (12) Good night (2156) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day http://tfl.nu/6l93
  Replies (5) Good night (2014) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in? http://tfl.nu/nu3d
  Replies (11) Good night (962) Bad night (2727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?

  (810): View more from Michigan

  shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone? (810): shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you http://tfl.nu/u0b0
  Replies (13) Good night (2256) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics. http://tfl.nu/etl3
  Replies (8) Good night (1399) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v
  Replies (59) Good night (35589) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (116) Good night (65566) Bad night (3924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (53) Good night (72222) Bad night (2147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73547) Bad night (2506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (200) Good night (80311) Bad night (4338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience. http://tfl.nu/k7n6
  Replies (12) Good night (4382) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there http://tfl.nu/1aoc
  Replies (5) Good night (2010) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  where's my purse there's an important taco in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): where's my purse there's an important taco in it http://tfl.nu/d9zq
  Replies (19) Good night (7280) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead. http://tfl.nu/xiio
  Replies (14) Good night (1964) Bad night (7464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal. (203): That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue http://tfl.nu/dtw4
  Replies (10) Good night (1471) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid http://tfl.nu/ju72
  Replies (5) Good night (413) Bad night (1169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times. http://tfl.nu/ij34
  Replies (4) Good night (2289) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm so horny

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I'm so horny (913): I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect http://tfl.nu/ggyh
  Replies (12) Good night (5660) Bad night (1075)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw http://tfl.nu/yy7h
  Replies (21) Good night (1485) Bad night (3564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns http://tfl.nu/xc39
  Replies (10) Good night (4833) Bad night (1569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears http://tfl.nu/h30c
  Replies (21) Good night (7157) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (438): View more from Quebec

  gladiator or hannah montana?

  (514): View more from Quebec

  This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (438): gladiator or hannah montana? (514): This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone. http://tfl.nu/qyay
  Replies (3) Good night (2778) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever. http://tfl.nu/fuow
  Replies (15) Good night (5557) Bad night (1220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm driving while wearing hulk hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I'm driving while wearing hulk hands http://tfl.nu/9u1l
  Replies (9) Good night (1657) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already http://tfl.nu/dz2h
  Replies (7) Good night (2665) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands http://tfl.nu/ha5y
  Replies (15) Good night (6917) Bad night (1466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music. http://tfl.nu/kygq
  Replies (8) Good night (2568) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see http://tfl.nu/gnrw
  Replies (5) Good night (1001) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You're barking up the wrong lesbian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): You're barking up the wrong lesbian. http://tfl.nu/4ul9
  Replies (11) Good night (4199) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word. http://tfl.nu/3o13
  Replies (17) Good night (4817) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  So basically you were a dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground. (802): So basically you were a dog. http://tfl.nu/0n1s
  Replies (14) Good night (8064) Bad night (772)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster. http://tfl.nu/ns19
  Replies (10) Good night (3538) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up. http://tfl.nu/odda
  Replies (5) Good night (4146) Bad night (775)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3
  Replies (51) Good night (15150) Bad night (3737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day http://tfl.nu/4uqd
  Replies (11) Good night (1950) Bad night (4547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat. http://tfl.nu/8r9j
  Replies (32) Good night (1149) Bad night (7085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high. http://tfl.nu/kh91
  Replies (6) Good night (1501) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry. http://tfl.nu/q7zn
  Replies (9) Good night (2875) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces. http://tfl.nu/7l8v
  Replies (3) Good night (3237) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again. http://tfl.nu/m5jy
  Replies (5) Good night (1738) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better http://tfl.nu/zbhj
  Replies (3) Good night (1354) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i can't find my house

  (1-845): View more from New York

  we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.

  (845): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure my house moved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i can't find my house (1-845): we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago. (845): i'm pretty sure my house moved. http://tfl.nu/nzng
  Replies (51) Good night (13511) Bad night (1268)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke. http://tfl.nu/1rx3
  Replies (8) Good night (6809) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt