Texts From Last Night

kirstiXOXO's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  Is it working?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless. (1-205): Is it working? http://tfl.nu/ozk1
  Replies (17) Good night (3650) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own http://tfl.nu/8vl5
  Replies (10) Good night (1373) Bad night (3256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj. http://tfl.nu/1t4c
  Replies (22) Good night (5131) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower? http://tfl.nu/g495
  Replies (31) Good night (1285) Bad night (4707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore. http://tfl.nu/xzjn
  Replies (12) Good night (1288) Bad night (3811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids. http://tfl.nu/l7h3
  Replies (19) Good night (3676) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class? http://tfl.nu/2kq9
  Replies (10) Good night (630) Bad night (2794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent. http://tfl.nu/742m
  Replies (10) Good night (1090) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week http://tfl.nu/fflq
  Replies (5) Good night (2829) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well. http://tfl.nu/djcp
  Replies (12) Good night (991) Bad night (2909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why? (410): i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks. http://tfl.nu/uckj
  Replies (63) Good night (427) Bad night (8504)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass. http://tfl.nu/spz3
  Replies (24) Good night (6058) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this. http://tfl.nu/muxl
  Replies (7) Good night (3164) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend http://tfl.nu/kstp
  Replies (4) Good night (2449) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  we already have meals planned for the weekend.

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): we already have meals planned for the weekend. (1-864): SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL. http://tfl.nu/xo3s
  Replies (13) Good night (4581) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard http://tfl.nu/pb8h
  Replies (7) Good night (2508) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase. http://tfl.nu/2212
  Replies (4) Good night (950) Bad night (2955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies. http://tfl.nu/khmt
  Replies (9) Good night (5468) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams. http://tfl.nu/yznu
  Replies (23) Good night (3402) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell. http://tfl.nu/xu8z
  Replies (10) Good night (5202) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round http://tfl.nu/7y9k
  Replies (18) Good night (7690) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me http://tfl.nu/nasi
  Replies (23) Good night (5729) Bad night (1338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab. http://tfl.nu/cf76
  Replies (29) Good night (7459) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake. http://tfl.nu/294d
  Replies (23) Good night (7784) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout. http://tfl.nu/q2nt
  Replies (41) Good night (8727) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever. http://tfl.nu/md7w
  Replies (29) Good night (11259) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.'' http://tfl.nu/51jx
  Replies (11) Good night (6031) Bad night (1615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes. http://tfl.nu/slsk
  Replies (22) Good night (4719) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit http://tfl.nu/mxfj
  Replies (15) Good night (2903) Bad night (1397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook http://tfl.nu/6gha
  Replies (8) Good night (5325) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness http://tfl.nu/erni
  Replies (11) Good night (4593) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person. http://tfl.nu/qpdl
  Replies (15) Good night (1890) Bad night (2516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him? http://tfl.nu/ad81
  Replies (5) Good night (3004) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah" http://tfl.nu/ebyl
  Replies (14) Good night (4997) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine. http://tfl.nu/flen
  Replies (6) Good night (3310) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.

  (1-316): View more from Kansas

  That's how you know you deserve to be a senior

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES. (1-316): That's how you know you deserve to be a senior http://tfl.nu/bxif
  Replies (13) Good night (4306) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution. http://tfl.nu/mh7s
  Replies (4) Good night (3429) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well. http://tfl.nu/h56s
  Replies (8) Good night (5129) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up? http://tfl.nu/cmpo
  Replies (30) Good night (2634) Bad night (3205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on. http://tfl.nu/aue5
  Replies (8) Good night (569) Bad night (3453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else. http://tfl.nu/1lnu
  Replies (7) Good night (772) Bad night (2105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out http://tfl.nu/n0iw
  Replies (9) Good night (733) Bad night (3281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea http://tfl.nu/nwiv
  Replies (15) Good night (5287) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/zftg
  Replies (7) Good night (755) Bad night (3251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home? http://tfl.nu/9062
  Replies (11) Good night (3921) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails http://tfl.nu/6yhu
  Replies (9) Good night (848) Bad night (3106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick. http://tfl.nu/gyi3
  Replies (38) Good night (814) Bad night (4286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you http://tfl.nu/mvu5
  Replies (6) Good night (2696) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you http://tfl.nu/aqjq
  Replies (8) Good night (2666) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (442): View more from California

  her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (442): her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite. http://tfl.nu/rdq2
  Replies (12) Good night (3197) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them. http://tfl.nu/kwke
  Replies (12) Good night (4873) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake http://tfl.nu/x5vz
  Replies (22) Good night (1527) Bad night (4318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food. http://tfl.nu/i6sw
  Replies (14) Good night (3589) Bad night (1632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away http://tfl.nu/zrix
  Replies (16) Good night (3446) Bad night (1734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman. http://tfl.nu/z41q
  Replies (15) Good night (6788) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right. http://tfl.nu/8nul
  Replies (35) Good night (5735) Bad night (1202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning. http://tfl.nu/aoha
  Replies (3) Good night (3594) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should. http://tfl.nu/b27t
  Replies (45) Good night (8447) Bad night (2181)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you. http://tfl.nu/unr3
  Replies (10) Good night (4495) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture. http://tfl.nu/0w8n
  Replies (19) Good night (1634) Bad night (4019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon. http://tfl.nu/88sk
  Replies (12) Good night (1322) Bad night (3384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back. http://tfl.nu/ihr9
  Replies (2) Good night (1936) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?" http://tfl.nu/11uf
  Replies (27) Good night (6795) Bad night (673)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now... http://tfl.nu/kqc9
  Replies (12) Good night (4831) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night. http://tfl.nu/e7sj
  Replies (14) Good night (6171) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level http://tfl.nu/3h42
  Replies (3) Good night (891) Bad night (3235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life. http://tfl.nu/q1vp
  Replies (38) Good night (3991) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness" http://tfl.nu/ogi9
  Replies (5) Good night (2692) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/amif
  Replies (15) Good night (7036) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow. http://tfl.nu/0mxe
  Replies (18) Good night (1465) Bad night (5029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech http://tfl.nu/b8ee
  Replies (18) Good night (3615) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom." http://tfl.nu/5uyu
  Replies (20) Good night (4476) Bad night (1501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico http://tfl.nu/p58l
  Replies (28) Good night (3269) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self http://tfl.nu/w7zw
  Replies (9) Good night (2243) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar. http://tfl.nu/fw94
  Replies (13) Good night (5543) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation. http://tfl.nu/6ld9
  Replies (6) Good night (725) Bad night (2522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska http://tfl.nu/5za1
  Replies (16) Good night (4263) Bad night (1129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily. http://tfl.nu/1vv1
  Replies (3) Good night (3200) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning. http://tfl.nu/konb
  Replies (8) Good night (3127) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate? http://tfl.nu/y4sj
  Replies (18) Good night (4679) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up. http://tfl.nu/odda
  Replies (5) Good night (3957) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays http://tfl.nu/k4b9
  Replies (3) Good night (3739) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves. http://tfl.nu/jfec
  Replies (32) Good night (4251) Bad night (2276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts. http://tfl.nu/ngvo
  Replies (52) Good night (8259) Bad night (1303)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor http://tfl.nu/12jc
  Replies (5) Good night (4173) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy. http://tfl.nu/ugyo
  Replies (3) Good night (3022) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better http://tfl.nu/7u74
  Replies (3) Good night (2257) Bad night (1034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face http://tfl.nu/knsv
  Replies (24) Good night (3245) Bad night (1539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero http://tfl.nu/dyje
  Replies (8) Good night (5052) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister. http://tfl.nu/65yp
  Replies (8) Good night (6506) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period. http://tfl.nu/nfk9
  Replies (10) Good night (2778) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast http://tfl.nu/g6rv
  Replies (15) Good night (1527) Bad night (4051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes. http://tfl.nu/co11
  Replies (12) Good night (3047) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING." http://tfl.nu/odsi
  Replies (3) Good night (2010) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done. (1-215): I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together. http://tfl.nu/q0m2
  Replies (19) Good night (4483) Bad night (668)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate http://tfl.nu/vubl
  Replies (16) Good night (5693) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl. http://tfl.nu/u7lt
  Replies (21) Good night (4104) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast. http://tfl.nu/5wgc
  Replies (45) Good night (7066) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ. http://tfl.nu/rtl1
  Replies (24) Good night (8954) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap http://tfl.nu/o5dz
  Replies (9) Good night (4200) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah" http://tfl.nu/d8s5
  Replies (97) Good night (6146) Bad night (58579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (221) Good night (6514) Bad night (70160)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick. http://tfl.nu/lewu
  Replies (254) Good night (3815) Bad night (77570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech. http://tfl.nu/9arc
  Replies (8) Good night (4601) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped. http://tfl.nu/kvpg
  Replies (1) Good night (841) Bad night (2753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight. (1-406): Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it. http://tfl.nu/p8t9
  Replies (10) Good night (3136) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is. http://tfl.nu/q4lm
  Replies (4) Good night (4355) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago

  (404): View more from Georgia

  so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago (404): so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me? http://tfl.nu/o0wy
  Replies (30) Good night (8257) Bad night (798)