his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
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