Texts From Last Night · xxx's Favorites

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(818): View more from California

well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning

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(818): well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning http://tfl.nu/ywc2

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(901): View more from Tennessee

He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.

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(901): He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him. http://tfl.nu/u51w

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(609): View more from New Jersey

If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says

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(609): If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says http://tfl.nu/zgg0

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(845): View more from New York

Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.

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(845): Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents. http://tfl.nu/6leg

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(440): View more from Ohio

I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?

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(440): I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went? http://tfl.nu/9bmv

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(239): View more from Florida

Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?

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(239): Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning? http://tfl.nu/tqik

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie

(420): View more from

your the best winggirl ever

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(610): Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie (420): your the best winggirl ever http://tfl.nu/bhih

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(206): View more from Washington

Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.

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(206): Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is. http://tfl.nu/56s9

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping

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(570): whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping http://tfl.nu/vxfh

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.

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(484): wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day. http://tfl.nu/pyo4

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(703): View more from Virginia

As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".

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(703): As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake". http://tfl.nu/w0jz

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(701): View more from North Dakota

She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

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(701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk

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(757): View more from Virginia

I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.

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(757): I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it. http://tfl.nu/uqxt

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(615): View more from Tennessee

i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.

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(615): i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card. http://tfl.nu/6ciy

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Quick, to the slutcave!

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(202): Quick, to the slutcave! http://tfl.nu/wu8s

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(303): View more from Colorado

Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)

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(303): Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;) http://tfl.nu/s5za

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(208): View more from Idaho

Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly

(1-208): View more from Idaho

What is a GED?

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(208): Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly (1-208): What is a GED? http://tfl.nu/qgi3

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(859): View more from Kentucky

what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??

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(859): what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name?? http://tfl.nu/3hr6

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(440): View more from Ohio

he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.

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(440): he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now. http://tfl.nu/ongm

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.

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(617): found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked. http://tfl.nu/pme2

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(614): View more from Ohio

just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.

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(614): just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use. http://tfl.nu/fu5v

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(631): View more from New York

After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch

(1-631): View more from New York

that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her

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(631): After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch (1-631): that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her http://tfl.nu/x28l

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me

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(508): the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me http://tfl.nu/ptyo

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you

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(506): cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you http://tfl.nu/iu0p

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)

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(262): Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :) http://tfl.nu/dwum

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(720): View more from Colorado

He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.

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(720): He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible. http://tfl.nu/qdhh

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(636): View more from Missouri

Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life

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(636): Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life http://tfl.nu/x73d

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(213): View more from California

are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town

(1-213): View more from California

well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT

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(213): are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town (1-213): well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT http://tfl.nu/kbwd

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(718): View more from New York

what happened last night?

(917): View more from New York City

u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style

(718): View more from New York

that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left

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(718): what happened last night? (917): u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style (718): that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left http://tfl.nu/i3a9

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(206): View more from Washington

Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.

(360): View more from Washington

You're getting good at this, you know that?

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(206): Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number. (360): You're getting good at this, you know that? http://tfl.nu/w185

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(425): View more from Washington

I proposed and she said yes man.

(1-425): View more from Washington

You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?

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(425): I proposed and she said yes man. (1-425): You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right? http://tfl.nu/wbvk

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(248): View more from Michigan

I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.

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(248): I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships. http://tfl.nu/wu4m

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(614): View more from Ohio

she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.

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(614): she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you. http://tfl.nu/1wju

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(404): View more from Georgia

three words: i give head

(770): View more from Georgia

three words: not that well

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(404): three words: i give head (770): three words: not that well http://tfl.nu/mukd

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(615): View more from Tennessee

my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good

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(615): my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good http://tfl.nu/bhfg

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(309): View more from Illinois

i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!

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(309): i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!! http://tfl.nu/asa6

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(972): View more from Texas

I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

(1-972): View more from Texas

I want to be a cop.

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(972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party. (1-972): I want to be a cop. http://tfl.nu/ucz6

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(985): View more from Louisiana

I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.

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(985): I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies. http://tfl.nu/mtcu

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special

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(781): my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special http://tfl.nu/2mea

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(212): View more from New York

so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before

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(212): so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before http://tfl.nu/29hu

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(716): View more from New York

dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex

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(716): dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex http://tfl.nu/pkc8

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(514): View more from Quebec

take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.

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(514): take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk. http://tfl.nu/mcib

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(517): View more from Michigan

New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause

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(517): New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause http://tfl.nu/0zau

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(360): View more from Washington

nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked

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(360): nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked http://tfl.nu/nh0r

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(954): View more from Florida

woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student

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(954): woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student http://tfl.nu/4vc9

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.

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(610): He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab. http://tfl.nu/orgb

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(954): View more from Florida

I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

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(954): I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa http://tfl.nu/4mlw

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(949): View more from California

i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?

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(949): i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph? http://tfl.nu/h05l

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(407): View more from Florida

Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)

(1-407): View more from Florida

Mom wtf!?

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(407): Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :) (1-407): Mom wtf!? http://tfl.nu/scw1

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(661): View more from California

It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.

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(661): It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing. http://tfl.nu/ex7a

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(804): View more from Virginia

you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning

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(804): you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning http://tfl.nu/f3jq

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(613): View more from Ontario

I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.

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(613): I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy. http://tfl.nu/5u2t

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(815): View more from Illinois

Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again

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(815): Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again http://tfl.nu/470y

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(240): View more from Maryland

were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?

(301): View more from Maryland

yes! wait why?

(240): View more from Maryland

because i found it in my pocket this morning...

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(240): were you wearing a green and blue thong last night? (301): yes! wait why? (240): because i found it in my pocket this morning... http://tfl.nu/rs9c

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(678): View more from Georgia

did u really fuck my little sister???

(706): View more from Georgia

im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"

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(678): did u really fuck my little sister??? (706): im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess" http://tfl.nu/dz4c

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(661): View more from California

Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.

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(661): Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up. http://tfl.nu/ev42

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(330): View more from Ohio

We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.

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(330): We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever. http://tfl.nu/56mg

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(541): View more from Oregon

So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

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(541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap

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(828): View more from North Carolina

so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation

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(828): so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/xwig

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(636): View more from Missouri

Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.

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(636): Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half. http://tfl.nu/fs6e

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(831): View more from California

just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf

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(831): just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf http://tfl.nu/faeb

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(985): View more from Louisiana

And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair

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(985): And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair http://tfl.nu/0fee

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Some milfs here doing some blow

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

Dad?

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(203): Some milfs here doing some blow (1-203): Dad? http://tfl.nu/14p7

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(630): View more from Illinois

My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.

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(630): My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock. http://tfl.nu/njgo

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(917): View more from New York City

I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina

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(917): I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina http://tfl.nu/sexo

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(613): View more from Ontario

I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.

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(613): I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/nxz1

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(445): View more from Pennsylvania

We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off

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(445): We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off http://tfl.nu/9bxu

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

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(617): shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick http://tfl.nu/i68n

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...

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(479): Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school... http://tfl.nu/5amt

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(971): View more from Oregon

I have two black x marks on my hands.

(503): View more from Oregon

Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

(971): View more from Oregon

damnit I wish I could remember that.

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(971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a

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(909): View more from California

I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

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(909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb

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(970): View more from Colorado

Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....

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(970): Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning..... http://tfl.nu/nrjr

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(510): View more from California

he said he didn't have a condom.

(415): View more from California

and you said?

(510): View more from California

that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

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(510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76

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(206): View more from Washington

got weed?

(425): View more from Washington

I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.

(206): View more from Washington

sorry mom...

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(206): got weed? (425): I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone. (206): sorry mom... http://tfl.nu/04mv

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(206): View more from Washington

What should our trivia night team be named?

(925): View more from California

Define Statutory

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(206): What should our trivia night team be named? (925): Define Statutory http://tfl.nu/hrvk

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(519): View more from Ontario

and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.

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(519): and by charming I mean he has a horse cock. http://tfl.nu/nr21

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(703): View more from Virginia

fucking a dude

(703): View more from Virginia

i mean: fucking a, dude

(703): View more from Virginia

wow, that comma made all the difference there

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(703): fucking a dude (703): i mean: fucking a, dude (703): wow, that comma made all the difference there http://tfl.nu/2m4f

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(312): View more from Illinois

I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

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(312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z

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(312): View more from Illinois

She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!

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(312): She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon! http://tfl.nu/58y3

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(678): View more from Georgia

So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...

(404): View more from Georgia

In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)

(678): View more from Georgia

cunt.

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(678): So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile... (404): In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;) (678): cunt. http://tfl.nu/sbha

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(540): View more from Virginia

she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out

(803): View more from South Carolina

youve hit the jackpot

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(540): she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out (803): youve hit the jackpot http://tfl.nu/tr3l

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(650): View more from California

I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)

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(650): I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-) http://tfl.nu/fk4n

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(808): View more from Hawaii

doesn't he have a GF?

(248): View more from Michigan

that just means you have to try harder.

(248): View more from Michigan

i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...

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(808): doesn't he have a GF? (248): that just means you have to try harder. (248): i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or... http://tfl.nu/1qgm

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(425): View more from Washington

Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?

(1-425): View more from Washington

I hate you

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(425): Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs? (1-425): I hate you http://tfl.nu/19l9

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(313): View more from Michigan

I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me

(1-313): View more from Michigan

restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch

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(313): I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me (1-313): restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch http://tfl.nu/60qu

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.

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(321): Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting. http://tfl.nu/c1w6

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I would do horrible things to your vagina.

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Prove it.

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(617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3

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(801): View more from Utah

see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks

(1-801): View more from Utah

wait.... you do what?

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(801): see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks (1-801): wait.... you do what? http://tfl.nu/1q1g

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0

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