cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Send us your Text From Last Night!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish you could order shots online.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
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