...so i touched it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
