You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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