I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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