Texts From Last Night

KB616's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up. http://tfl.nu/oiun
  Replies (10) Good night (4315) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time.. http://tfl.nu/irbs
  Replies (6) Good night (1156) Bad night (4029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??

  (713): View more from Texas

  Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept?? (713): Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger. http://tfl.nu/oww9
  Replies (44) Good night (4495) Bad night (8803)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically. http://tfl.nu/np2a
  Replies (23) Good night (1595) Bad night (6163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course. http://tfl.nu/y9iu
  Replies (54) Good night (15091) Bad night (956)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea http://tfl.nu/qtt5
  Replies (4) Good night (949) Bad night (162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her. http://tfl.nu/dqlo
  Replies (12) Good night (392) Bad night (1148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together. http://tfl.nu/i6go
  Replies (10) Good night (1184) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced.. http://tfl.nu/34jd
  Replies (20) Good night (668) Bad night (1127) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard http://tfl.nu/4drm
  Replies (22) Good night (7711) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong. http://tfl.nu/ln52
  Replies (28) Good night (8773) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless http://tfl.nu/uuhp
  Replies (16) Good night (2906) Bad night (178)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  just fucking run.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape? (301): just fucking run. http://tfl.nu/0wzu
  Replies (5) Good night (2276) Bad night (194)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly http://tfl.nu/zoqz
  Replies (5) Good night (1427) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything." http://tfl.nu/1ue8
  Replies (35) Good night (16396) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk http://tfl.nu/n0hn
  Replies (27) Good night (3920) Bad night (1286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell http://tfl.nu/7uki
  Replies (9) Good night (1025) Bad night (1858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): You do realize it's a Tuesday, right? (1-586): You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life. http://tfl.nu/em8w
  Replies (22) Good night (7558) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb. http://tfl.nu/1qwr
  Replies (4) Good night (1463) Bad night (227) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  so today I found out that she used to be a he....

  (1-931): View more from Tennessee

  are you gonna get a divorce?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): so today I found out that she used to be a he.... (1-931): are you gonna get a divorce? http://tfl.nu/5e03
  Replies (85) Good night (706) Bad night (16409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon http://tfl.nu/pfsh
  Replies (18) Good night (4295) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?

  (1-661): View more from California

  What the hell did you do last night?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy? (1-661): What the hell did you do last night?! http://tfl.nu/xxav
  Replies (48) Good night (604) Bad night (9530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you. http://tfl.nu/9kp9
  Replies (4) Good night (2358) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble. http://tfl.nu/y9yr
  Replies (46) Good night (7912) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it http://tfl.nu/0xgu
  Replies (7) Good night (1366) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  am i gonna have visuals on this?

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): am i gonna have visuals on this? (414): you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire http://tfl.nu/3sug
  Replies (12) Good night (1221) Bad night (199)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"! http://tfl.nu/ehkr
  Replies (17) Good night (1127) Bad night (2138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  so when am I gonna get some from you?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  when you dick grows 3 inches

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): so when am I gonna get some from you? (617): when you dick grows 3 inches http://tfl.nu/rd2p
  Replies (74) Good night (1644) Bad night (8536)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wrong number and your a loser

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular (610): Wrong number and your a loser http://tfl.nu/k831
  Replies (31) Good night (954) Bad night (8151)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Am i fat?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Well i wouldnt let you on top

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Am i fat? (1-248): Well i wouldnt let you on top http://tfl.nu/1yk2
  Replies (36) Good night (1362) Bad night (8913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing" http://tfl.nu/nbg8
  Replies (4) Good night (2145) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it. http://tfl.nu/w24u
  Replies (18) Good night (1233) Bad night (6276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together. http://tfl.nu/l7kg
  Replies (34) Good night (2740) Bad night (9390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever. http://tfl.nu/gq2j
  Replies (27) Good night (2340) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was. http://tfl.nu/pkp0
  Replies (9) Good night (1774) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day http://tfl.nu/prhf
  Replies (18) Good night (6126) Bad night (290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar. http://tfl.nu/9tne
  Replies (16) Good night (2714) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts" http://tfl.nu/th5a
  Replies (37) Good night (1270) Bad night (6596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you. http://tfl.nu/p3o8
  Replies (15) Good night (9042) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!" http://tfl.nu/rg7b
  Replies (164) Good night (1442) Bad night (3032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive. http://tfl.nu/gosk
  Replies (4) Good night (3874) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one. http://tfl.nu/vil5
  Replies (15) Good night (5588) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles. http://tfl.nu/y6oh
  Replies (14) Good night (2323) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese. (717): Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days? http://tfl.nu/n2pa
  Replies (6) Good night (3159) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  ...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): ...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom. http://tfl.nu/zxa5
  Replies (4) Good night (2026) Bad night (244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar. http://tfl.nu/4bhx
  Replies (4) Good night (487) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic http://tfl.nu/8ocy
  Replies (10) Good night (1942) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate. http://tfl.nu/ujin
  Replies (7) Good night (2131) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face http://tfl.nu/s7dy
  Replies (12) Good night (432) Bad night (1689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger. http://tfl.nu/yx75
  Replies (13) Good night (2051) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR. (705): I NEED to see if his girl has a sister. http://tfl.nu/ou19
  Replies (9) Good night (2324) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius. http://tfl.nu/c6ym
  Replies (36) Good night (7604) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud. http://tfl.nu/mlmc
  Replies (20) Good night (8411) Bad night (980)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale. http://tfl.nu/rt3p
  Replies (12) Good night (4175) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important http://tfl.nu/7wts
  Replies (36) Good night (16836) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite http://tfl.nu/v7zy
  Replies (6) Good night (1081) Bad night (1201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast. http://tfl.nu/itb7
  Replies (30) Good night (659) Bad night (10999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Howd you meet this guy?

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Howd you meet this guy? (612): I found him next to my pants on sunday morn. http://tfl.nu/y9t4
  Replies (6) Good night (5072) Bad night (1424)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi. http://tfl.nu/hd9g
  Replies (9) Good night (3229) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING (617): you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me. http://tfl.nu/bj47
  Replies (33) Good night (7831) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic. http://tfl.nu/sxvb
  Replies (78) Good night (29280) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it. http://tfl.nu/bdg5
  Replies (34) Good night (10271) Bad night (1123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out" http://tfl.nu/blqb
  Replies (29) Good night (8200) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from England

  You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway. http://tfl.nu/z6cq
  Replies (34) Good night (5709) Bad night (1114)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight. http://tfl.nu/ami0
  Replies (22) Good night (3557) Bad night (1333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he. http://tfl.nu/52vb
  Replies (50) Good night (14296) Bad night (1989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved. http://tfl.nu/1hyb
  Replies (31) Good night (5496) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.' http://tfl.nu/vhcz
  Replies (5) Good night (2267) Bad night (1269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her. http://tfl.nu/v3pj
  Replies (5) Good night (2814) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.

  (917): View more from New York City

  I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God. (917): I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice. http://tfl.nu/jdh1
  Replies (121) Good night (2757) Bad night (14579)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body. http://tfl.nu/lybk
  Replies (6) Good night (332) Bad night (1985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall http://tfl.nu/bqaz
  Replies (59) Good night (6796) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where the hell are you

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He's winning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon. (1-706): Where the hell are you (706): He's winning. http://tfl.nu/bx2u
  Replies (23) Good night (5234) Bad night (701)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life http://tfl.nu/kko9
  Replies (21) Good night (6322) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!' http://tfl.nu/w3o8
  Replies (6) Good night (1631) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door. http://tfl.nu/6ofj
  Replies (19) Good night (5725) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  and...?

  (936): View more from Texas

  I told him it was alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him. (812): and...? (936): I told him it was alright. http://tfl.nu/yirn
  Replies (28) Good night (3610) Bad night (5262)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25. http://tfl.nu/95s1
  Replies (7) Good night (632) Bad night (1299)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her. http://tfl.nu/dj4z
  Replies (10) Good night (524) Bad night (2829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  That's the stuff legends are made of

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate? (412): That's the stuff legends are made of http://tfl.nu/wudz
  Replies (11) Good night (1019) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit? http://tfl.nu/zvq6
  Replies (9) Good night (2277) Bad night (352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control. http://tfl.nu/g1ps
  Replies (9) Good night (1416) Bad night (2202)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  This hangover makes more sense now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"... (1-817): This hangover makes more sense now http://tfl.nu/3zvy
  Replies (11) Good night (2161) Bad night (289)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  wtf, did you fuck a retard?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape (617): wtf, did you fuck a retard?! http://tfl.nu/q1iv
  Replies (11) Good night (616) Bad night (3896)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose http://tfl.nu/df7a
  Replies (11) Good night (4452) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear http://tfl.nu/97on
  Replies (6) Good night (1751) Bad night (1098)