Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
