Texts From Last Night

dMo's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote. http://tfl.nu/5km0
  Replies (127) Good night (882) Bad night (33768)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat? http://tfl.nu/b9c7
  Replies (155) Good night (1773) Bad night (34545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming. http://tfl.nu/oxhe
  Replies (133) Good night (1355) Bad night (36657)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (83) Good night (2825) Bad night (37934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows... http://tfl.nu/dubx
  Replies (255) Good night (1677) Bad night (38568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex.. http://tfl.nu/ynb7
  Replies (121) Good night (3225) Bad night (60401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (221) Good night (6514) Bad night (70161)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW. http://tfl.nu/ohwe
  Replies (25) Good night (6150) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon. http://tfl.nu/7g7n
  Replies (4) Good night (2598) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen." http://tfl.nu/c7q3
  Replies (32) Good night (8849) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed. http://tfl.nu/i2kx
  Replies (25) Good night (3473) Bad night (1863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face" http://tfl.nu/ke0l
  Replies (15) Good night (4995) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter. http://tfl.nu/a3e6
  Replies (4) Good night (817) Bad night (2286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now. http://tfl.nu/1qen
  Replies (9) Good night (2420) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about. http://tfl.nu/7642
  Replies (35) Good night (2561) Bad night (1241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/dkbw
  Replies (24) Good night (1219) Bad night (2717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell. http://tfl.nu/xu8z
  Replies (10) Good night (5202) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine?? http://tfl.nu/98s1
  Replies (6) Good night (2083) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point. http://tfl.nu/kfea
  Replies (30) Good night (4373) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with. http://tfl.nu/84m6
  Replies (23) Good night (6081) Bad night (1427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends http://tfl.nu/aaz6
  Replies (40) Good night (1944) Bad night (5742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant. http://tfl.nu/kaeb
  Replies (27) Good night (932) Bad night (5758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person. http://tfl.nu/pbus
  Replies (18) Good night (4795) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does. http://tfl.nu/p0z8
  Replies (14) Good night (1467) Bad night (3145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive. http://tfl.nu/w5b0
  Replies (22) Good night (2880) Bad night (5375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student... http://tfl.nu/ab9h
  Replies (25) Good night (5642) Bad night (1497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love. http://tfl.nu/9dmy
  Replies (37) Good night (4560) Bad night (2503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up. http://tfl.nu/h2lf
  Replies (23) Good night (7577) Bad night (4487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing. http://tfl.nu/tshz
  Replies (39) Good night (3323) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers. http://tfl.nu/jlqp
  Replies (21) Good night (6620) Bad night (1009)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years http://tfl.nu/cjjj
  Replies (27) Good night (8058) Bad night (1282)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (57) Good night (13969) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public.... http://tfl.nu/rq3r
  Replies (24) Good night (6690) Bad night (1195)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just realized these events may be related.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window. (352): Just realized these events may be related. http://tfl.nu/i6sd
  Replies (21) Good night (5734) Bad night (1375)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out" http://tfl.nu/77z0
  Replies (16) Good night (4186) Bad night (1123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested. http://tfl.nu/xcij
  Replies (35) Good night (4828) Bad night (1413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized. http://tfl.nu/p6rg
  Replies (11) Good night (725) Bad night (3159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me. http://tfl.nu/z6eo
  Replies (35) Good night (18607) Bad night (1143)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was literally just a half conscious dildo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I was literally just a half conscious dildo. http://tfl.nu/oo11
  Replies (16) Good night (4158) Bad night (1232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty. http://tfl.nu/vy3j
  Replies (78) Good night (9751) Bad night (2570)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge http://tfl.nu/to4j
  Replies (25) Good night (652) Bad night (5748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower. http://tfl.nu/95p5
  Replies (8) Good night (3006) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me? http://tfl.nu/anhw
  Replies (8) Good night (5090) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now. http://tfl.nu/lp4s
  Replies (34) Good night (1603) Bad night (4063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius. http://tfl.nu/nzur
  Replies (26) Good night (6338) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Best pick-up line ever!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck." (1-806): Best pick-up line ever! http://tfl.nu/plrf
  Replies (35) Good night (9197) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat http://tfl.nu/m0wi
  Replies (11) Good night (4039) Bad night (1180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex http://tfl.nu/hs2b
  Replies (22) Good night (6074) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely. http://tfl.nu/tovx
  Replies (16) Good night (4575) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Don't worry. I has chaperone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Don't worry. I has chaperone. http://tfl.nu/r0c5
  Replies (24) Good night (5692) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God." http://tfl.nu/1oy5
  Replies (20) Good night (9669) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO. http://tfl.nu/ip2n
  Replies (27) Good night (8015) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm pregnant just thinking about him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm pregnant just thinking about him. http://tfl.nu/pqtq
  Replies (34) Good night (2954) Bad night (3942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet http://tfl.nu/xsvu
  Replies (21) Good night (870) Bad night (5834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though http://tfl.nu/r22j
  Replies (8) Good night (5654) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

  (905): View more from Ontario

  You're fat. Stop making excuses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes (905): You're fat. Stop making excuses http://tfl.nu/rdmk
  Replies (69) Good night (12290) Bad night (4896)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right?? http://tfl.nu/udb6
  Replies (31) Good night (7457) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes. http://tfl.nu/egav
  Replies (27) Good night (7726) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail. http://tfl.nu/6ic6
  Replies (43) Good night (5945) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella http://tfl.nu/sjyh
  Replies (33) Good night (5819) Bad night (1806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot" http://tfl.nu/gtmt
  Replies (7) Good night (4831) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches" http://tfl.nu/07la
  Replies (17) Good night (6076) Bad night (1366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): All I need in life is some dick and a big mac. http://tfl.nu/2v25
  Replies (65) Good night (6111) Bad night (1103) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned" http://tfl.nu/aoz0
  Replies (12) Good night (4002) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him... http://tfl.nu/efrg
  Replies (36) Good night (5752) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds http://tfl.nu/p9wa
  Replies (26) Good night (10952) Bad night (1151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day. http://tfl.nu/xpns
  Replies (29) Good night (5550) Bad night (1883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool. http://tfl.nu/8q12
  Replies (14) Good night (6193) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty

  (917): View more from New York City

  smooth operator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty (917): smooth operator http://tfl.nu/2sej
  Replies (25) Good night (7296) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands. http://tfl.nu/6i6m
  Replies (22) Good night (616) Bad night (4310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom. http://tfl.nu/dmbr
  Replies (16) Good night (1848) Bad night (6336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/3ozf
  Replies (53) Good night (9368) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her http://tfl.nu/niqc
  Replies (14) Good night (1111) Bad night (5090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+82): View more from South Korea

  You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+82): You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes. http://tfl.nu/6vdw
  Replies (7) Good night (5112) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water... http://tfl.nu/8ncn
  Replies (12) Good night (6373) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work. http://tfl.nu/q42i
  Replies (33) Good night (5559) Bad night (2593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption. http://tfl.nu/47c6
  Replies (24) Good night (5757) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity... http://tfl.nu/ueq6
  Replies (32) Good night (6456) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet" http://tfl.nu/f79o
  Replies (16) Good night (3187) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better. http://tfl.nu/o020
  Replies (21) Good night (5166) Bad night (1494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works. http://tfl.nu/of7z
  Replies (14) Good night (778) Bad night (5464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out. http://tfl.nu/wz4e
  Replies (16) Good night (3817) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job. http://tfl.nu/xzx3
  Replies (41) Good night (6934) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt