Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
