Texts From Last Night

xoxkatieee's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !

  (1-716): View more from New York

  How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today ! (1-716): How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...' http://tfl.nu/v4tn
  Replies (47) Good night (8981) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems http://tfl.nu/3idz
  Replies (14) Good night (1457) Bad night (2412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future. http://tfl.nu/4ejh
  Replies (32) Good night (1399) Bad night (3684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more http://tfl.nu/kc45
  Replies (2) Good night (385) Bad night (1635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year http://tfl.nu/qbpm
  Replies (20) Good night (4943) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed. http://tfl.nu/qdrd
  Replies (29) Good night (1376) Bad night (22870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now http://tfl.nu/plpv
  Replies (26) Good night (4858) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty http://tfl.nu/qv38
  Replies (17) Good night (833) Bad night (2137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms. http://tfl.nu/59ye
  Replies (35) Good night (7996) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  it's love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat. (1-937): it's love http://tfl.nu/getj
  Replies (16) Good night (4395) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving. http://tfl.nu/e2dg
  Replies (27) Good night (2545) Bad night (4248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab. http://tfl.nu/iyx8
  Replies (14) Good night (4485) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster. http://tfl.nu/0ncd
  Replies (16) Good night (848) Bad night (4751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me. http://tfl.nu/00st
  Replies (27) Good night (4467) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Hey it's Austin.

  (254): View more from Texas

  I am not drunk enough for this conversation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Hey it's Austin. (254): I am not drunk enough for this conversation. http://tfl.nu/124v
  Replies (29) Good night (786) Bad night (1786)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer. http://tfl.nu/xz6n
  Replies (24) Good night (2051) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance http://tfl.nu/8uw4
  Replies (37) Good night (1651) Bad night (9455)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup. http://tfl.nu/26kw
  Replies (14) Good night (1019) Bad night (5203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"? http://tfl.nu/lhgh
  Replies (20) Good night (3616) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass http://tfl.nu/zmgu
  Replies (13) Good night (372) Bad night (5863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him http://tfl.nu/vh2n
  Replies (66) Good night (2243) Bad night (3951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..." http://tfl.nu/geex
  Replies (22) Good night (13537) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?' http://tfl.nu/x9n6
  Replies (13) Good night (7835) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch! (508): because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking. http://tfl.nu/qlq5
  Replies (19) Good night (8582) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!" http://tfl.nu/8xfk
  Replies (11) Good night (12453) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn. http://tfl.nu/mlpv
  Replies (124) Good night (5601) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (171) Good night (49213) Bad night (5112)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.

  (206): View more from Washington

  Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk. (206): Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy. http://tfl.nu/ynk1
  Replies (21) Good night (6618) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night. http://tfl.nu/uc8g
  Replies (6) Good night (3885) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it http://tfl.nu/ndqf
  Replies (66) Good night (645) Bad night (3982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park http://tfl.nu/d8es
  Replies (6) Good night (2617) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!" http://tfl.nu/g6w4
  Replies (81) Good night (4706) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience http://tfl.nu/r1dh
  Replies (35) Good night (6158) Bad night (1395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head. http://tfl.nu/4u7e
  Replies (44) Good night (6767) Bad night (1412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed http://tfl.nu/bbsg
  Replies (18) Good night (1522) Bad night (3705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night http://tfl.nu/co3c
  Replies (32) Good night (5309) Bad night (2295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet. http://tfl.nu/tf1g
  Replies (14) Good night (799) Bad night (3591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Did you fuck her?

  (212): View more from New York

  If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Did you fuck her? (212): If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that. http://tfl.nu/y42g
  Replies (3) Good night (674) Bad night (2773)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions. http://tfl.nu/7qp6
  Replies (29) Good night (7889) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat" http://tfl.nu/yhqk
  Replies (29) Good night (4614) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot." http://tfl.nu/jk33
  Replies (16) Good night (1349) Bad night (4460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing. http://tfl.nu/4f2e
  Replies (8) Good night (4334) Bad night (699)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq" http://tfl.nu/vhsj
  Replies (19) Good night (1396) Bad night (3054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals. http://tfl.nu/q4jm
  Replies (9) Good night (543) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (551): i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me http://tfl.nu/tacv
  Replies (12) Good night (963) Bad night (2933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons http://tfl.nu/079e
  Replies (4) Good night (4593) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop http://tfl.nu/q8xc
  Replies (18) Good night (6343) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets". http://tfl.nu/227d
  Replies (16) Good night (897) Bad night (4191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party? http://tfl.nu/4j0b
  Replies (7) Good night (4007) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood http://tfl.nu/vfy0
  Replies (12) Good night (8646) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them http://tfl.nu/szer
  Replies (14) Good night (2073) Bad night (6084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers (1-205): yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness.... http://tfl.nu/wnn7
  Replies (61) Good night (10108) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW" http://tfl.nu/b6ij
  Replies (17) Good night (5589) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."

  (817): View more from Texas

  I was drunk but it's true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that." (817): I was drunk but it's true http://tfl.nu/5hb1
  Replies (10) Good night (3666) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE http://tfl.nu/d6tf
  Replies (48) Good night (8001) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world http://tfl.nu/qaz3
  Replies (30) Good night (6571) Bad night (966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. http://tfl.nu/lted
  Replies (103) Good night (8034) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this." http://tfl.nu/1p18
  Replies (15) Good night (3723) Bad night (4568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/zwfn
  Replies (25) Good night (7290) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would. http://tfl.nu/dwd2
  Replies (7) Good night (4849) Bad night (2159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent http://tfl.nu/74gr
  Replies (14) Good night (5758) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college. http://tfl.nu/9iax
  Replies (25) Good night (6736) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You made eat vitamins until I threw up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You made eat vitamins until I threw up http://tfl.nu/o1t5
  Replies (9) Good night (573) Bad night (3123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs. http://tfl.nu/nz73
  Replies (13) Good night (7479) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?

  (815): View more from Illinois

  that's gum

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years? (815): that's gum http://tfl.nu/8le7
  Replies (42) Good night (2582) Bad night (2478)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Darwin at his finest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg. (202): Darwin at his finest. http://tfl.nu/rqsd
  Replies (25) Good night (5576) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian. http://tfl.nu/kify
  Replies (58) Good night (8374) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.

  (1-218): View more from Minnesota

  i gets down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down. (1-218): i gets down http://tfl.nu/usv6
  Replies (14) Good night (3376) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester. http://tfl.nu/4eoz
  Replies (4) Good night (5806) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song http://tfl.nu/watz
  Replies (29) Good night (3804) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do http://tfl.nu/7olq
  Replies (5) Good night (4929) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store http://tfl.nu/0ult
  Replies (25) Good night (4417) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever. http://tfl.nu/bza6
  Replies (29) Good night (8617) Bad night (1232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right. http://tfl.nu/ax5o
  Replies (6) Good night (4661) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be. http://tfl.nu/n7rl
  Replies (8) Good night (5640) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68160) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ivw8
  Replies (32) Good night (16566) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby. http://tfl.nu/ia9y
  Replies (46) Good night (3545) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again" http://tfl.nu/ygm1
  Replies (12) Good night (7102) Bad night (1594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys." http://tfl.nu/9d5s
  Replies (23) Good night (1093) Bad night (4323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet http://tfl.nu/6v3o
  Replies (54) Good night (1210) Bad night (4123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace. http://tfl.nu/irh2
  Replies (39) Good night (15453) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se
  Replies (86) Good night (13613) Bad night (2319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out. http://tfl.nu/n9rj
  Replies (17) Good night (5730) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes http://tfl.nu/3hm9
  Replies (49) Good night (8569) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before. http://tfl.nu/0fke
  Replies (20) Good night (9875) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (25094) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged

  (703): View more from Virginia

  just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged (703): just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit http://tfl.nu/pac5
  Replies (61) Good night (1347) Bad night (11776)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW" http://tfl.nu/hdte
  Replies (28) Good night (6335) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game http://tfl.nu/2cbt
  Replies (20) Good night (490) Bad night (8092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth. http://tfl.nu/5m3k
  Replies (39) Good night (8929) Bad night (2935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer. http://tfl.nu/fm8w
  Replies (64) Good night (8674) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard? http://tfl.nu/a8hs
  Replies (1) Good night (433) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed". http://tfl.nu/dmqo
  Replies (16) Good night (6193) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with http://tfl.nu/po8c
  Replies (23) Good night (6701) Bad night (1749) Order T-Shirt