Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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