Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
