Texts From Last Night

alliet3606's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick" http://tfl.nu/klf2
  Replies (54) Good night (5936) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid. http://tfl.nu/2kcb
  Replies (20) Good night (542) Bad night (4063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg... http://tfl.nu/nasy
  Replies (43) Good night (2211) Bad night (6076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend. http://tfl.nu/4wvr
  Replies (9) Good night (3645) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex http://tfl.nu/5t79
  Replies (17) Good night (5433) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school

  (1-914): View more from New York

  oh right the one that ends on your bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school (1-914): oh right the one that ends on your bed http://tfl.nu/wrnw
  Replies (7) Good night (5874) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me http://tfl.nu/k37i
  Replies (8) Good night (3274) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer. http://tfl.nu/u6do
  Replies (12) Good night (5690) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing" http://tfl.nu/9hoo
  Replies (10) Good night (5021) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head http://tfl.nu/xa8x
  Replies (38) Good night (4778) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job" http://tfl.nu/slki
  Replies (24) Good night (912) Bad night (3029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Sorry- wrong number! :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier. (260): Sorry- wrong number! :) http://tfl.nu/1604
  Replies (18) Good night (1206) Bad night (4628)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame http://tfl.nu/uj51
  Replies (29) Good night (7576) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Jesus knows you're telling a lie.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): Jesus knows you're telling a lie. (832): Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup http://tfl.nu/yiz0
  Replies (6) Good night (4464) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch. http://tfl.nu/dpne
  Replies (24) Good night (13859) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning. http://tfl.nu/g9g5
  Replies (19) Good night (8541) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive. http://tfl.nu/o6oy
  Replies (6) Good night (3731) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid. http://tfl.nu/t711
  Replies (33) Good night (8304) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before. http://tfl.nu/zkf3
  Replies (52) Good night (8295) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work" http://tfl.nu/x4nq
  Replies (40) Good night (573) Bad night (10210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  who is this?

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  jesse's little brother

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good (651): who is this? (612): jesse's little brother http://tfl.nu/8x0e
  Replies (42) Good night (1266) Bad night (4426)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!" http://tfl.nu/plpd
  Replies (11) Good night (4986) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month" http://tfl.nu/8vpl
  Replies (45) Good night (14174) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care. http://tfl.nu/npdd
  Replies (10) Good night (2685) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  Thats something to write home to mom about

  (305): View more from Florida

  Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): Thats something to write home to mom about (305): Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her http://tfl.nu/y6ih
  Replies (17) Good night (1348) Bad night (265)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader? http://tfl.nu/orgq
  Replies (31) Good night (7199) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people" http://tfl.nu/5d9d
  Replies (20) Good night (7186) Bad night (1413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach. http://tfl.nu/7dp2
  Replies (34) Good night (1145) Bad night (4960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad http://tfl.nu/156q
  Replies (61) Good night (6798) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents http://tfl.nu/zd1e
  Replies (60) Good night (1392) Bad night (4475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/vn8h
  Replies (12) Good night (3163) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me http://tfl.nu/hrbu
  Replies (93) Good night (4350) Bad night (1263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues" http://tfl.nu/4mvg
  Replies (26) Good night (3947) Bad night (1735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them http://tfl.nu/fxdr
  Replies (33) Good night (11149) Bad night (1946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex. http://tfl.nu/aztc
  Replies (89) Good night (12907) Bad night (1276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date. http://tfl.nu/1wwe
  Replies (51) Good night (6929) Bad night (1390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went? http://tfl.nu/cg2w
  Replies (30) Good night (1248) Bad night (4578)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference. http://tfl.nu/xg4w
  Replies (51) Good night (8618) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  no. you can't hotbox the world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): no. you can't hotbox the world. http://tfl.nu/5as3
  Replies (54) Good night (5040) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you. (1-214): that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary http://tfl.nu/469f
  Replies (36) Good night (7393) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/6dfu
  Replies (24) Good night (6906) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight" http://tfl.nu/9yyv
  Replies (36) Good night (6788) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you want to re-phrase that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner (617): you want to re-phrase that? http://tfl.nu/lax1
  Replies (11) Good night (3539) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life. http://tfl.nu/28dk
  Replies (54) Good night (1361) Bad night (4389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think. http://tfl.nu/f6ax
  Replies (26) Good night (5113) Bad night (1253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge http://tfl.nu/dui0
  Replies (13) Good night (2754) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  ...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?

  (585): View more from New York

  hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that

  (516): View more from New York

  is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): ...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year? (585): hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that (516): is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ? http://tfl.nu/juy6
  Replies (138) Good night (7401) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently http://tfl.nu/zenu
  Replies (21) Good night (3783) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular? http://tfl.nu/marg
  Replies (7) Good night (2068) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO (908) dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me http://tfl.nu/s889
  Replies (27) Good night (3752) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby" http://tfl.nu/q8vs
  Replies (54) Good night (1586) Bad night (4351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We call that spaghetti Os

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it (617): We call that spaghetti Os http://tfl.nu/dgrn
  Replies (33) Good night (9645) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  Lol no its called college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER? (1-216): Lol no its called college http://tfl.nu/1cpq
  Replies (44) Good night (3299) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead. http://tfl.nu/xiio
  Replies (14) Good night (1715) Bad night (7202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things. http://tfl.nu/13io
  Replies (35) Good night (7834) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys. http://tfl.nu/g37d
  Replies (307) Good night (10619) Bad night (5240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril http://tfl.nu/m6dd
  Replies (21) Good night (4872) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea http://tfl.nu/zoej
  Replies (60) Good night (2852) Bad night (8122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex. http://tfl.nu/8q2z
  Replies (9) Good night (696) Bad night (3939)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy http://tfl.nu/f2lx
  Replies (40) Good night (4438) Bad night (1766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??

  (1-925): View more from California

  Yes. Yes it is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Is snow just God skeeting all over the place?? (1-925): Yes. Yes it is. http://tfl.nu/ofba
  Replies (12) Good night (3995) Bad night (1461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I don't remember much but I know I looked hot. http://tfl.nu/1lsd
  Replies (19) Good night (5646) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?" http://tfl.nu/niuk
  Replies (38) Good night (6563) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now http://tfl.nu/4ogy
  Replies (11) Good night (3474) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight. http://tfl.nu/7bae
  Replies (3) Good night (1229) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se
  Replies (86) Good night (13613) Bad night (2319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other. http://tfl.nu/nigv
  Replies (29) Good night (6458) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial. http://tfl.nu/6p87
  Replies (49) Good night (6085) Bad night (2501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (57) Good night (13969) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3 http://tfl.nu/lt38
  Replies (20) Good night (1500) Bad night (3333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup. http://tfl.nu/26kw
  Replies (14) Good night (1019) Bad night (5203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places. http://tfl.nu/fel2
  Replies (81) Good night (6483) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw. http://tfl.nu/6c9n
  Replies (19) Good night (3214) Bad night (2229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  all he gave me for my birthday was sperm

  (254): View more from Texas

  at least its a homemade gift

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): all he gave me for my birthday was sperm (254): at least its a homemade gift http://tfl.nu/gvzk
  Replies (16) Good night (5382) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing. http://tfl.nu/disx
  Replies (22) Good night (1874) Bad night (5523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job

  (917): View more from New York City

  You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job (917): You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth. http://tfl.nu/dvgd
  Replies (15) Good night (5516) Bad night (750)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.

  (714): View more from California

  Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Doctor said I have sports induced asthma. (714): Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape." http://tfl.nu/hfcj
  Replies (37) Good night (9275) Bad night (1195)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.

  (602): View more from Arizona

  you slept with him again didn't you

  (480): View more from Arizona

  you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'. (602): you slept with him again didn't you (480): you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well http://tfl.nu/dyfs
  Replies (21) Good night (5392) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv (1-405): we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina http://tfl.nu/dapc
  Replies (24) Good night (2159) Bad night (4987)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was. http://tfl.nu/qrct
  Replies (39) Good night (1441) Bad night (5040)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator. http://tfl.nu/lq0c
  Replies (30) Good night (8411) Bad night (1191)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is. http://tfl.nu/2rnr
  Replies (11) Good night (1229) Bad night (4433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet. http://tfl.nu/uotm
  Replies (36) Good night (1306) Bad night (8109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit. http://tfl.nu/rw2b
  Replies (41) Good night (3530) Bad night (4091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf http://tfl.nu/oxnj
  Replies (22) Good night (6974) Bad night (1354)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before... http://tfl.nu/0j29
  Replies (23) Good night (5869) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while. http://tfl.nu/y23x
  Replies (21) Good night (7021) Bad night (1457)
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter http://tfl.nu/xpn7
  Replies (33) Good night (6090) Bad night (1539)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie. http://tfl.nu/febc
  Replies (35) Good night (4571) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt