is your mom at the bar?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
