DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you would pick up someone in the library
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My cat gives me a boner
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