Texts From Last Night

alli9422's Favorites Texts:

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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

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  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
  Replies (106) Good night (47507) Bad night (1289) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.

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  (512): Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her. http://tfl.nu/6ypm
  Replies (48) Good night (16509) Bad night (712)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.

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  (512): Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie. http://tfl.nu/3ijz
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.

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  (703): She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman. http://tfl.nu/z41q
  Replies (15) Good night (6788) Bad night (598)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest

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  (815): Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest http://tfl.nu/qjdf
  Replies (12) Good night (4127) Bad night (495)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.

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  (423): I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him. http://tfl.nu/dili
  Replies (5) Good night (3381) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.

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  (303): I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van. http://tfl.nu/3fdc
  Replies (17) Good night (1103) Bad night (3623) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.

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  (920): sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself. http://tfl.nu/ur25
  Replies (16) Good night (9601) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...

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  (314): I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college... http://tfl.nu/a15y
  Replies (23) Good night (11091) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
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  (345): View more from Cayman Islands

  Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful

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  (345): Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful http://tfl.nu/njho
  Replies (8) Good night (3142) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?

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  (404): we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition? http://tfl.nu/nsp8
  Replies (7) Good night (5500) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.

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  (215): The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law. http://tfl.nu/o7ax
  Replies (7) Good night (3348) Bad night (858)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.

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  (509): My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment. http://tfl.nu/j2q1
  Replies (9) Good night (5163) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
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  (754): View more from Florida

  I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.

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  (754): I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris. http://tfl.nu/pib9
  Replies (8) Good night (4511) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.

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  (850): I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain. http://tfl.nu/8aml
  Replies (12) Good night (5361) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween

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  (978): Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween http://tfl.nu/fww2
  Replies (37) Good night (5898) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.

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  (434): I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever. http://tfl.nu/fuow
  Replies (14) Good night (5338) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.

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  (262): He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too. http://tfl.nu/5j5p
  Replies (19) Good night (1307) Bad night (2665) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.

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  (309): I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors. http://tfl.nu/cath
  Replies (10) Good night (10510) Bad night (619)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.

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  (817): I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts. http://tfl.nu/7tmi
  Replies (36) Good night (9000) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.

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  (301): they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with. http://tfl.nu/84m6
  Replies (23) Good night (6081) Bad night (1427) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years

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  (609): It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years http://tfl.nu/cjjj
  Replies (27) Good night (8058) Bad night (1282)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....

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  (609): just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public.... http://tfl.nu/rq3r
  Replies (24) Good night (6690) Bad night (1195)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.

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  (304): it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears. http://tfl.nu/ziqy
  Replies (31) Good night (7733) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
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  (806): View more from Texas

  You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Best pick-up line ever!

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  (806): You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck." (1-806): Best pick-up line ever! http://tfl.nu/plrf
  Replies (35) Good night (9197) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

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  (920): i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel. http://tfl.nu/bqxg
  Replies (26) Good night (12123) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  One less school supply you need to buy!!

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  (443): Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!! (860): One less school supply you need to buy!! http://tfl.nu/u0z5
  Replies (25) Good night (4947) Bad night (906)
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  (408): View more from California

  i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.

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  (408): i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person. http://tfl.nu/pbus
  Replies (18) Good night (4795) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.

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  (+61): Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other. http://tfl.nu/nigv
  Replies (29) Good night (6458) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.

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  (780): He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done. http://tfl.nu/315y
  Replies (18) Good night (3907) Bad night (2233) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.

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  (724): Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues. http://tfl.nu/n3ga
  Replies (13) Good night (4266) Bad night (1268)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".

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  (412): He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up". http://tfl.nu/5shs
  Replies (39) Good night (10643) Bad night (1448)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.

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  (321): they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them. http://tfl.nu/ag5t
  Replies (23) Good night (3961) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.

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  (702): Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes. http://tfl.nu/674n
  Replies (18) Good night (1055) Bad night (3106) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

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  (440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3
  Replies (49) Good night (14395) Bad night (3326) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

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  (978): i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running. http://tfl.nu/jcc8
  Replies (76) Good night (15585) Bad night (1515)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"

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  (337): All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!" http://tfl.nu/qrwa
  Replies (44) Good night (7850) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?

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  (831): she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/99g1
  Replies (78) Good night (13556) Bad night (1907) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.

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  (803): Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear. http://tfl.nu/2r4l
  Replies (18) Good night (7320) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.

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  (520): In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties. http://tfl.nu/3p0b
  Replies (30) Good night (7309) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.

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  (313): The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her. http://tfl.nu/8p27
  Replies (20) Good night (5242) Bad night (1503) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.

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  (253): Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser. http://tfl.nu/y4fk
  Replies (16) Good night (5394) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?

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  (815): He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for? http://tfl.nu/k6v7
  Replies (16) Good night (939) Bad night (3511) Order T-Shirt
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  (555): View more from

  Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.

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  (555): Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me. http://tfl.nu/aho3
  Replies (20) Good night (5493) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.

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  (315): Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial. http://tfl.nu/jwzw
  Replies (20) Good night (1203) Bad night (6786) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop

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  (248): I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop http://tfl.nu/8y0s
  Replies (19) Good night (5049) Bad night (2308) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time

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  (714): It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time http://tfl.nu/v4kt
  Replies (32) Good night (1499) Bad night (4819) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer

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  (281): when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer http://tfl.nu/c3p9
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in

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  (248): So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in http://tfl.nu/mvwo
  Replies (15) Good night (6621) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  wow, a mother in the making

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  (217): if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test (1-217): wow, a mother in the making http://tfl.nu/2c41
  Replies (45) Good night (1371) Bad night (5326) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.

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  (402): next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first. http://tfl.nu/nkj3
  Replies (6) Good night (4468) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.

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  (514): He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic. http://tfl.nu/4dpi
  Replies (38) Good night (11422) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.

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  (678): his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him. http://tfl.nu/quex
  Replies (23) Good night (5604) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.

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  (269): So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing. http://tfl.nu/disx
  Replies (22) Good night (1874) Bad night (5523) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.

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  (303): He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool. http://tfl.nu/8q12
  Replies (14) Good night (6193) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball

  (419): View more from Ohio

  And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity

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  (419): We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball (419): And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity http://tfl.nu/7q0o
  Replies (35) Good night (4868) Bad night (1211)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob

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  (570): I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob http://tfl.nu/rxex
  Replies (22) Good night (730) Bad night (11229) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.

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  (248): I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name. http://tfl.nu/axbm
  Replies (33) Good night (1121) Bad night (13059) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  i fucked a milf yesterday.

  (619): View more from California

  i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.

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  (310): i fucked a milf yesterday. (619): i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old. http://tfl.nu/l3df
  Replies (28) Good night (12660) Bad night (1416)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.

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  (850): Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual. http://tfl.nu/97w0
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  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

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  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

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  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

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  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew

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  (702): She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew http://tfl.nu/fmsn
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  (858): View more from California

  So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?

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  (858): So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism? http://tfl.nu/tlrk
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job

  (917): View more from New York City

  You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.

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  (210): I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job (917): You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth. http://tfl.nu/dvgd
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?

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  (970): do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom? http://tfl.nu/19xa
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!

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  (303): He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk! http://tfl.nu/z1cd
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.

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  (540): Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex. http://tfl.nu/iyvz
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox

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  (785): Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox http://tfl.nu/t30w
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's like her boobs came off with her bra

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  (412): it's like her boobs came off with her bra http://tfl.nu/ua1r
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  the part where you beat me to him

  (410): View more from Maryland

  fair enough.

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  (410): what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?! (1-410): the part where you beat me to him (410): fair enough. http://tfl.nu/4y3l
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  (972): View more from Texas

  You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'

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  (972): You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.' http://tfl.nu/1grt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?

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  (203): he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat? http://tfl.nu/b9c7
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  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

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  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

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  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

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  (843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true http://tfl.nu/y8hf
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

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  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom

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  (734): Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom http://tfl.nu/itfy
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.

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  (413): In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does. http://tfl.nu/f5ii
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.

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  (715): apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night. http://tfl.nu/2r4z
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.

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  (401): I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes. http://tfl.nu/a6fu
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.

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  (401): I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family. http://tfl.nu/wak4
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.

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  (970): Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier. http://tfl.nu/o9ed
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