Texts From Last Night

ashf208's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude? http://tfl.nu/wnbm
  Replies (90) Good night (1092) Bad night (7147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (24101) Bad night (1021)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops? http://tfl.nu/7gnj
  Replies (12) Good night (2757) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing! (651): I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends http://tfl.nu/p5go
  Replies (5) Good night (494) Bad night (1625)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Special does not even begin to describe that text.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet. (918): Special does not even begin to describe that text. http://tfl.nu/d8xn
  Replies (6) Good night (3036) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article. http://tfl.nu/2zxm
  Replies (6) Good night (2384) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  I see you've learned your lesson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status... (1-937): I see you've learned your lesson. http://tfl.nu/pjfr
  Replies (12) Good night (6158) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes (1-407): i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes. http://tfl.nu/3nr6
  Replies (21) Good night (3766) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible. http://tfl.nu/nz5p
  Replies (32) Good night (8091) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever. http://tfl.nu/ckan
  Replies (11) Good night (1164) Bad night (6156)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better http://tfl.nu/9gj2
  Replies (21) Good night (4941) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself. http://tfl.nu/r7wv
  Replies (7) Good night (5502) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car. http://tfl.nu/jp7a
  Replies (14) Good night (747) Bad night (4044)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame' http://tfl.nu/un7j
  Replies (16) Good night (3607) Bad night (3755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was. http://tfl.nu/ul38
  Replies (14) Good night (4280) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius. http://tfl.nu/nzur
  Replies (26) Good night (6338) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college. http://tfl.nu/4edw
  Replies (29) Good night (6134) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome http://tfl.nu/rn4a
  Replies (7) Good night (4381) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this http://tfl.nu/x9rq
  Replies (27) Good night (3012) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Midnight walks are trippy

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Midnight walks are trippy (1-817): I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon. http://tfl.nu/r0y6
  Replies (9) Good night (3243) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Take that integrity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever. (1-216): Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment. (216): Take that integrity http://tfl.nu/eyzw
  Replies (48) Good night (2839) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake. http://tfl.nu/g05l
  Replies (13) Good night (10310) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom http://tfl.nu/suhd
  Replies (31) Good night (1421) Bad night (3988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out" http://tfl.nu/blqb
  Replies (29) Good night (8200) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  It's like God shit irony all over that family

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): It's like God shit irony all over that family http://tfl.nu/i9ev
  Replies (45) Good night (2301) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater. http://tfl.nu/r4ec
  Replies (9) Good night (4194) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero. http://tfl.nu/3vt3
  Replies (7) Good night (4177) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night. http://tfl.nu/uc8g
  Replies (6) Good night (3884) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up. http://tfl.nu/3bej
  Replies (33) Good night (4071) Bad night (1220)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter. http://tfl.nu/lkrq
  Replies (14) Good night (312) Bad night (2940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?

  (1-212): View more from New York

  idk but i think it had a face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night? (1-212): idk but i think it had a face http://tfl.nu/y33v
  Replies (15) Good night (480) Bad night (1173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill http://tfl.nu/swr0
  Replies (22) Good night (418) Bad night (5555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...

  (917): View more from New York City

  oh thats it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (1-917): you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around... (917): oh thats it? http://tfl.nu/beq9
  Replies (7) Good night (4298) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp. http://tfl.nu/6snw
  Replies (22) Good night (2754) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast. (508): PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail. http://tfl.nu/qbqn
  Replies (29) Good night (4911) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction. http://tfl.nu/io12
  Replies (2) Good night (400) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can. http://tfl.nu/eowl
  Replies (16) Good night (5110) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what. http://tfl.nu/4g32
  Replies (27) Good night (5227) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket. http://tfl.nu/pclq
  Replies (13) Good night (5529) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer. http://tfl.nu/u1k3
  Replies (17) Good night (9054) Bad night (938)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  thanks for singing to me while i puked last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): thanks for singing to me while i puked last night http://tfl.nu/ey2e
  Replies (9) Good night (5222) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard. http://tfl.nu/iuc0
  Replies (20) Good night (4487) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch. http://tfl.nu/syjm
  Replies (57) Good night (16062) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant http://tfl.nu/6mtv
  Replies (17) Good night (2945) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now. <3 Russia http://tfl.nu/k3de
  Replies (72) Good night (6230) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave. http://tfl.nu/yi61
  Replies (21) Good night (4081) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face http://tfl.nu/4e48
  Replies (38) Good night (4184) Bad night (1209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes

  (847): View more from Illinois

  And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes (847): And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me. (319): At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements. http://tfl.nu/k3x0
  Replies (32) Good night (4165) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper. http://tfl.nu/5c6l
  Replies (7) Good night (500) Bad night (2542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer" http://tfl.nu/u5kx
  Replies (9) Good night (6974) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I woke up on my floor...

  (1-516): View more from New York

  I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I woke up on my floor... (1-516): I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop... http://tfl.nu/u1o5
  Replies (12) Good night (3597) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have. http://tfl.nu/wctv
  Replies (30) Good night (1235) Bad night (5603)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it. http://tfl.nu/duoc
  Replies (37) Good night (3107) Bad night (4409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx. http://tfl.nu/hq1e
  Replies (187) Good night (3722) Bad night (1650)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You surviving the open bar?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Super asto ex polenta omaha botad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): You surviving the open bar? (1-512): Super asto ex polenta omaha botad http://tfl.nu/tyvd
  Replies (15) Good night (1419) Bad night (268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all! http://tfl.nu/te8n
  Replies (15) Good night (4279) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia. http://tfl.nu/zayo
  Replies (17) Good night (4480) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her. http://tfl.nu/ivfo
  Replies (10) Good night (5235) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words. http://tfl.nu/bbmw
  Replies (27) Good night (394) Bad night (4967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night.. http://tfl.nu/3lun
  Replies (3) Good night (737) Bad night (3342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night

  (323): View more from California

  How mad was your dog?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night (323): How mad was your dog? http://tfl.nu/x6ig
  Replies (12) Good night (3921) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen. (803): He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather. http://tfl.nu/rlak
  Replies (12) Good night (1288) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile http://tfl.nu/cr7n
  Replies (27) Good night (859) Bad night (2360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  and what kinds of feelings would these be?

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Happy, horny, occasionally hungry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig? (1-586): and what kinds of feelings would these be? (586): Happy, horny, occasionally hungry http://tfl.nu/z6jk
  Replies (7) Good night (1071) Bad night (235)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake http://tfl.nu/bl2k
  Replies (41) Good night (8404) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars (910): IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT http://tfl.nu/70k5
  Replies (81) Good night (37963) Bad night (1648)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down." http://tfl.nu/u1mc
  Replies (8) Good night (4011) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v
  Replies (59) Good night (33652) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever. http://tfl.nu/rwuq
  Replies (38) Good night (6882) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ. http://tfl.nu/qy75
  Replies (36) Good night (24325) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.

  (650): View more from California

  I tried to assassinate the ginger baby

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide. (650): I tried to assassinate the ginger baby http://tfl.nu/c72u
  Replies (28) Good night (1348) Bad night (564)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it. http://tfl.nu/r7km
  Replies (12) Good night (5555) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper http://tfl.nu/01yr
  Replies (16) Good night (3629) Bad night (1184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening http://tfl.nu/z1ws
  Replies (11) Good night (2870) Bad night (1539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): She made Precious look like a solid 6.5. http://tfl.nu/qn24
  Replies (32) Good night (448) Bad night (5584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat http://tfl.nu/frov
  Replies (24) Good night (4281) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine. http://tfl.nu/wzgr
  Replies (4) Good night (1955) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke. http://tfl.nu/r10e
  Replies (27) Good night (4581) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!! http://tfl.nu/wtbk
  Replies (14) Good night (916) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces. http://tfl.nu/5w4e
  Replies (16) Good night (6528) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wow. You named your rash.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch. (717): Wow. You named your rash. http://tfl.nu/cxl6
  Replies (22) Good night (608) Bad night (3704)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Did you fuck her?

  (212): View more from New York

  If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Did you fuck her? (212): If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that. http://tfl.nu/y42g
  Replies (3) Good night (674) Bad night (2773)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it. http://tfl.nu/91c2
  Replies (23) Good night (6877) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem. http://tfl.nu/xqri
  Replies (18) Good night (4160) Bad night (1175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances http://tfl.nu/rv67
  Replies (50) Good night (552) Bad night (3736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill. http://tfl.nu/zd59
  Replies (18) Good night (821) Bad night (4823)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces". http://tfl.nu/rjzc
  Replies (5) Good night (3674) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel... http://tfl.nu/j6ej
  Replies (13) Good night (2293) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles" http://tfl.nu/049n
  Replies (62) Good night (12309) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  What?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH. (610): What? (484): A TROUGH FOR VOMIT. http://tfl.nu/8z8s
  Replies (17) Good night (3366) Bad night (2771)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom. http://tfl.nu/lqbf
  Replies (5) Good night (354) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Have you seen my high heels that I wore out? (1-812): You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave? http://tfl.nu/rqvo
  Replies (15) Good night (7012) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  capris are just wrong

  (703): View more from Virginia

  its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): capris are just wrong (703): its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!" http://tfl.nu/xkxd
  Replies (55) Good night (679) Bad night (2308)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first

  (206): View more from Washington

  You are the luckiest man alive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first (206): You are the luckiest man alive http://tfl.nu/uh0h
  Replies (16) Good night (9954) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window. http://tfl.nu/h7i3
  Replies (22) Good night (951) Bad night (3843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you. http://tfl.nu/vwt4
  Replies (21) Good night (5949) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell. http://tfl.nu/ywtf
  Replies (12) Good night (3122) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho.. http://tfl.nu/ry7a
  Replies (6) Good night (463) Bad night (1115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): 3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals. http://tfl.nu/21ij
  Replies (12) Good night (2499) Bad night (279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you. http://tfl.nu/ohi7
  Replies (39) Good night (446) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I hate ducks.

  (916): View more from California

  What?

  (916): View more from California

  they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I hate ducks. (916): What? (916): they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck. http://tfl.nu/gesm
  Replies (55) Good night (3050) Bad night (428)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992. http://tfl.nu/3pqb
  Replies (17) Good night (552) Bad night (3168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions. http://tfl.nu/lnut
  Replies (29) Good night (635) Bad night (2287)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?

  (1-941): View more from Florida

  idk, I had a turtle in mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat? (1-941): idk, I had a turtle in mine. http://tfl.nu/ag7m
  Replies (30) Good night (3386) Bad night (5063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex. http://tfl.nu/gyof
  Replies (18) Good night (5525) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.

  (1-909): View more from California

  3?

  (909): View more from California

  Me, myself and I

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking. (1-909): 3? (909): Me, myself and I http://tfl.nu/gl4k
  Replies (3) Good night (1116) Bad night (247)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged. http://tfl.nu/om7h
  Replies (17) Good night (5174) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt