The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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