Texts From Last Night · Madeline55's Favorites

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Madeline55's Favorites Texts:

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(256): View more from Alabama

FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex

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(928): View more from Arizona

This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.

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(519): View more from Ontario

You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

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(440): View more from Ohio

just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.

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(310): View more from California

So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes

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