Texts From Last Night

Spermsack's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless http://tfl.nu/5o22
  Replies (10) Good night (1779) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux. http://tfl.nu/a54h
  Replies (5) Good night (1806) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur. http://tfl.nu/bitm
  Replies (11) Good night (2880) Bad night (1141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog http://tfl.nu/dk0r
  Replies (23) Good night (4828) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  So basically you were a dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground. (802): So basically you were a dog. http://tfl.nu/0n1s
  Replies (14) Good night (8063) Bad night (772)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference http://tfl.nu/iojb
  Replies (7) Good night (2313) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault. http://tfl.nu/ytww
  Replies (5) Good night (2609) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants. http://tfl.nu/qi2o
  Replies (5) Good night (1868) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken. http://tfl.nu/j72e
  Replies (6) Good night (713) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Are you high and at a petting zoo again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals (480): Are you high and at a petting zoo again? http://tfl.nu/ph9z
  Replies (4) Good night (4991) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children http://tfl.nu/7xpu
  Replies (6) Good night (4232) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  370HSSV 0773H read that upside down

  (1-925): View more from California

  what are you doing with your life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): 370HSSV 0773H read that upside down (1-925): what are you doing with your life http://tfl.nu/25tc
  Replies (19) Good night (4904) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked http://tfl.nu/kcmn
  Replies (24) Good night (5018) Bad night (1848)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  Soup is delicious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup. (1-970): Soup is delicious http://tfl.nu/y0l8
  Replies (12) Good night (4715) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  her body is proportioned like a family guy character

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): her body is proportioned like a family guy character http://tfl.nu/ptef
  Replies (15) Good night (1152) Bad night (3835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday. http://tfl.nu/tgen
  Replies (2) Good night (1761) Bad night (1633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles http://tfl.nu/ya5r
  Replies (46) Good night (17412) Bad night (1457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  What did you cook with whisky?

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We started a fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky. (1-306): What did you cook with whisky? (306): We started a fire. http://tfl.nu/4y3v
  Replies (11) Good night (5842) Bad night (1038)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel http://tfl.nu/ki9k
  Replies (11) Good night (2200) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever. http://tfl.nu/0wwj
  Replies (6) Good night (2354) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition" http://tfl.nu/pg7b
  Replies (8) Good night (2939) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases http://tfl.nu/lpic
  Replies (14) Good night (4994) Bad night (1101)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke. http://tfl.nu/vku6
  Replies (13) Good night (2818) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card. http://tfl.nu/lm1u
  Replies (15) Good night (2633) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this. http://tfl.nu/muxl
  Replies (7) Good night (3445) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown (303): I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself. http://tfl.nu/zmkv
  Replies (44) Good night (8381) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house http://tfl.nu/3ff4
  Replies (40) Good night (7744) Bad night (1147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs. http://tfl.nu/5423
  Replies (6) Good night (3101) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job http://tfl.nu/32u0
  Replies (16) Good night (1082) Bad night (2982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo. http://tfl.nu/dtd1
  Replies (22) Good night (1173) Bad night (5289)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies. http://tfl.nu/khmt
  Replies (9) Good night (5735) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps. http://tfl.nu/w1cf
  Replies (37) Good night (5946) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed http://tfl.nu/08b9
  Replies (64) Good night (1799) Bad night (4313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class http://tfl.nu/9lx5
  Replies (67) Good night (889) Bad night (4840)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world. http://tfl.nu/0x21
  Replies (23) Good night (5005) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  are you high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers (1-402): are you high? http://tfl.nu/fjf1
  Replies (36) Good night (12211) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street. http://tfl.nu/q42w
  Replies (14) Good night (2466) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him http://tfl.nu/vh2n
  Replies (66) Good night (2446) Bad night (4121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us. http://tfl.nu/wjn1
  Replies (9) Good night (4295) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god. http://tfl.nu/34d8
  Replies (65) Good night (13441) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call. http://tfl.nu/xapr
  Replies (15) Good night (4519) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket. http://tfl.nu/3353
  Replies (28) Good night (1181) Bad night (437)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on. http://tfl.nu/h5b5
  Replies (38) Good night (786) Bad night (4831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.

  (214): View more from Texas

  round 2?

  (972): View more from Texas

  EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again. (214): round 2? (972): EVER. http://tfl.nu/6p06
  Replies (10) Good night (1004) Bad night (3479)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops. http://tfl.nu/1v8v
  Replies (37) Good night (8703) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long

  (917): View more from New York City

  Thats what she said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long (917): Thats what she said http://tfl.nu/ke6j
  Replies (13) Good night (1833) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not. http://tfl.nu/74g7
  Replies (27) Good night (9396) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco... http://tfl.nu/ll6l
  Replies (37) Good night (3575) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (51792) Bad night (2768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway. http://tfl.nu/iohv
  Replies (8) Good night (1622) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  @ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): @ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu <3 (1-248): please stop breathing. http://tfl.nu/7uu5
  Replies (36) Good night (656) Bad night (4909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave. http://tfl.nu/cgpg
  Replies (46) Good night (688) Bad night (9460)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  i should start naming my morning wood

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  great idea but wrong number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): i should start naming my morning wood (201): great idea but wrong number http://tfl.nu/1p5a
  Replies (24) Good night (8108) Bad night (962)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her. http://tfl.nu/rtst
  Replies (58) Good night (8381) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale. http://tfl.nu/y4yj
  Replies (48) Good night (20702) Bad night (866)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  yo i have your phone

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  ... oh so you probably won't get this message

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): yo i have your phone (202):... oh so you probably won't get this message http://tfl.nu/0ifv
  Replies (14) Good night (1986) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops. http://tfl.nu/vdzv
  Replies (20) Good night (868) Bad night (5633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust http://tfl.nu/l0ps
  Replies (10) Good night (3529) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk. (504): Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera. http://tfl.nu/hakn
  Replies (196) Good night (1858) Bad night (16509)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right http://tfl.nu/htd0
  Replies (31) Good night (28912) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn. http://tfl.nu/mlpv
  Replies (124) Good night (5837) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school. http://tfl.nu/xo9e
  Replies (36) Good night (1573) Bad night (4111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  Don't worry about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Why is there a cactus in the microwave? (1-217): Don't worry about it. http://tfl.nu/f5vn
  Replies (25) Good night (10561) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid. http://tfl.nu/x26d
  Replies (19) Good night (2133) Bad night (3190)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets. http://tfl.nu/v2g2
  Replies (40) Good night (4787) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?

  (1-920): View more from Wisconsin

  no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  he wasn't. neither were you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss? (1-920): no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom? (920): he wasn't. neither were you. http://tfl.nu/3ltg
  Replies (16) Good night (6911) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here. http://tfl.nu/6w86
  Replies (30) Good night (1272) Bad night (12790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens http://tfl.nu/oucj
  Replies (19) Good night (5587) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?" http://tfl.nu/89sw
  Replies (9) Good night (769) Bad night (3452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left http://tfl.nu/gb7d
  Replies (57) Good night (13045) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page http://tfl.nu/nscl
  Replies (8) Good night (4251) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Call me "white mamba"

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake

  (251): View more from Alabama

  It is white.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): Call me "white mamba" (334): Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake (251): It is white. http://tfl.nu/1p0c
  Replies (5) Good night (944) Bad night (1378)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy. http://tfl.nu/gv2k
  Replies (14) Good night (566) Bad night (4990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that. http://tfl.nu/zno7
  Replies (16) Good night (5892) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Just try to lay there and not be pregnant. http://tfl.nu/a665
  Replies (56) Good night (1251) Bad night (6659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  why didn't you poke me back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): why didn't you poke me back http://tfl.nu/aomd
  Replies (5) Good night (1271) Bad night (1525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit (303): I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex http://tfl.nu/u4ul
  Replies (8) Good night (2264) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault. http://tfl.nu/nhl8
  Replies (14) Good night (2666) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign. http://tfl.nu/8cf5
  Replies (51) Good night (2283) Bad night (993)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys. http://tfl.nu/g51j
  Replies (39) Good night (3815) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Whore.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I was being facetious

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Don't try to hide behind big words.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Whore. (832): I was being facetious (540): Don't try to hide behind big words. http://tfl.nu/w180
  Replies (2) Good night (1995) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  i want you now

  (916): View more from California

  you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): i want you now (916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this http://tfl.nu/8egt
  Replies (148) Good night (6928) Bad night (69272)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6831) Bad night (40851)
• Favorite

  (737): View more from Texas

  You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?

  (1-737): View more from Texas

  That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there

  (737): View more from Texas

  It's my parent's restaurant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (737): You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot? (1-737): That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there (737): It's my parent's restaurant http://tfl.nu/0xzo
  Replies (8) Good night (882) Bad night (2558)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?

  (206): View more from Washington

  Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too? (206): Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no. http://tfl.nu/3dwz
  Replies (56) Good night (846) Bad night (2823)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am http://tfl.nu/on84
  Replies (26) Good night (5705) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes. http://tfl.nu/gyak
  Replies (8) Good night (3301) Bad night (1273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Are my feet made of real feet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Are my feet made of real feet? http://tfl.nu/dext
  Replies (17) Good night (5600) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire. http://tfl.nu/9p46
  Replies (12) Good night (4969) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you. http://tfl.nu/s4f8
  Replies (13) Good night (1216) Bad night (3440) Order T-Shirt