she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
