is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
