Texts From Last Night

PatB's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night. http://tfl.nu/r7p2
  Replies (7) Good night (5460) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then? (636): Yup. (314): Yup. http://tfl.nu/bp2u
  Replies (70) Good night (24694) Bad night (1718)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. . http://tfl.nu/zh9v
  Replies (24) Good night (7429) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...

  (805): View more from California

  i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday... (805): i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it" http://tfl.nu/3fjc
  Replies (22) Good night (6528) Bad night (1504)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love. http://tfl.nu/koii
  Replies (22) Good night (6152) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?' http://tfl.nu/x9n6
  Replies (13) Good night (8165) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members. http://tfl.nu/ande
  Replies (19) Good night (1734) Bad night (3511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  K. On the way. I need a drink.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Like a drink drink or like water?

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Have we met?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): K. On the way. I need a drink. (904): Like a drink drink or like water? (601): Have we met? http://tfl.nu/ckaw
  Replies (10) Good night (6057) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name. http://tfl.nu/eftw
  Replies (5) Good night (3105) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization. http://tfl.nu/1m6d
  Replies (16) Good night (8433) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them http://tfl.nu/qx93
  Replies (13) Good night (3928) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad http://tfl.nu/x185
  Replies (15) Good night (984) Bad night (3999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic? http://tfl.nu/satp
  Replies (23) Good night (4113) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded. http://tfl.nu/owwz
  Replies (30) Good night (4817) Bad night (3718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+33): View more from France

  On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+33): On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..." http://tfl.nu/o65f
  Replies (26) Good night (7674) Bad night (1261)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  I don't have a cat..?

  (940): View more from Texas

  Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night (1-940): I don't have a cat..? (940): Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge. http://tfl.nu/uym0
  Replies (13) Good night (1412) Bad night (5029)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass. http://tfl.nu/6q4x
  Replies (27) Good night (11383) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead." http://tfl.nu/j1dy
  Replies (34) Good night (5259) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  the problem with open bar is i never know what to get

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): the problem with open bar is i never know what to get (781): did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..." http://tfl.nu/knqb
  Replies (10) Good night (5694) Bad night (1034)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i can't find my house

  (1-845): View more from New York

  we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.

  (845): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure my house moved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i can't find my house (1-845): we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago. (845): i'm pretty sure my house moved. http://tfl.nu/nzng
  Replies (51) Good night (13481) Bad night (1255)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time (1-309): I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating http://tfl.nu/74eg
  Replies (21) Good night (4844) Bad night (1153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  and what did he say?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world. (1-614): and what did he say? (614): there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning. http://tfl.nu/xi47
  Replies (50) Good night (12713) Bad night (1029)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell http://tfl.nu/gvzv
  Replies (11) Good night (1068) Bad night (4858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year http://tfl.nu/qbpm
  Replies (20) Good night (5124) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her. http://tfl.nu/8p27
  Replies (20) Good night (5439) Bad night (1680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.

  (231): View more from Michigan

  i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook. (231): i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment. http://tfl.nu/fvdt
  Replies (41) Good night (1895) Bad night (5293)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (131) Good night (60842) Bad night (1889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (66709) Bad night (2996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

  (817): View more from Texas

  You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): They asked me to help them shop for lingerie. (214): Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better. (817): You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for. http://tfl.nu/hqk4
  Replies (35) Good night (10259) Bad night (1149)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office. http://tfl.nu/0hvj
  Replies (7) Good night (1339) Bad night (3629)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  there was naked duck duck goose

  (703): View more from Virginia

  how does that even get suggested?!

  (815): View more from Illinois

  after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): there was naked duck duck goose (703): how does that even get suggested?! (815): after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal http://tfl.nu/ykdy
  Replies (20) Good night (7556) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just got laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness? (774): Someone just got laid. http://tfl.nu/ub8q
  Replies (17) Good night (9066) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car. http://tfl.nu/srqw
  Replies (38) Good night (10936) Bad night (1145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy http://tfl.nu/g7o4
  Replies (12) Good night (4134) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined

  (714): View more from California

  he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined (714): he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day http://tfl.nu/76ot
  Replies (44) Good night (4635) Bad night (8290)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie. http://tfl.nu/eug9
  Replies (20) Good night (5571) Bad night (1557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (235): View more from

  I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (235): I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick. http://tfl.nu/7zv4
  Replies (55) Good night (2048) Bad night (6343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk. http://tfl.nu/wlu8
  Replies (101) Good night (2954) Bad night (12042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room http://tfl.nu/3g7q
  Replies (128) Good night (7632) Bad night (60840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex.. http://tfl.nu/ynb7
  Replies (121) Good night (3909) Bad night (62195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (225) Good night (7505) Bad night (72139)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  i want you now

  (916): View more from California

  you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): i want you now (916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this http://tfl.nu/8egt
  Replies (148) Good night (6884) Bad night (69195)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  and?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  RIP clitoris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6
  Replies (595) Good night (4818) Bad night (101278)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  The police scanner is talking about you again....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): The police scanner is talking about you again.... http://tfl.nu/f6sk
  Replies (16) Good night (8452) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot http://tfl.nu/gw1u
  Replies (378) Good night (1926) Bad night (53576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  We need to talk about our relationship.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): We need to talk about our relationship. (403): I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes http://tfl.nu/0ub4
  Replies (20) Good night (8826) Bad night (1267)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions http://tfl.nu/csf1
  Replies (11) Good night (5660) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other. http://tfl.nu/vc7e
  Replies (25) Good night (4979) Bad night (2158)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours. http://tfl.nu/vgfj
  Replies (118) Good night (39616) Bad night (1605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now http://tfl.nu/leuk
  Replies (13) Good night (4283) Bad night (1418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A http://tfl.nu/yjw5
  Replies (140) Good night (6999) Bad night (1643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out. http://tfl.nu/f1nl
  Replies (43) Good night (16742) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT" http://tfl.nu/x7ms
  Replies (22) Good night (14016) Bad night (1133)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in? http://tfl.nu/ejnj
  Replies (25) Good night (6662) Bad night (1536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me http://tfl.nu/kwsp
  Replies (9) Good night (7317) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Get out now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me? (513): Get out now. http://tfl.nu/w3kk
  Replies (57) Good night (8011) Bad night (2388)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk! http://tfl.nu/z1cd
  Replies (27) Good night (9067) Bad night (3963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways. http://tfl.nu/hzks
  Replies (25) Good night (5035) Bad night (1514)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night http://tfl.nu/mrgx
  Replies (18) Good night (1023) Bad night (4454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting http://tfl.nu/unrs
  Replies (14) Good night (5522) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door. http://tfl.nu/f9if
  Replies (9) Good night (4301) Bad night (1228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this" http://tfl.nu/g0yg
  Replies (9) Good night (2036) Bad night (6270)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (123) Good night (46590) Bad night (1694)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?" http://tfl.nu/1ge9
  Replies (29) Good night (984) Bad night (8244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking. http://tfl.nu/3qfc
  Replies (22) Good night (7176) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water... http://tfl.nu/8ncn
  Replies (12) Good night (6625) Bad night (1146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore. http://tfl.nu/10x7
  Replies (11) Good night (4227) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!" http://tfl.nu/qjvm
  Replies (41) Good night (2655) Bad night (9302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left. http://tfl.nu/7tek
  Replies (22) Good night (1652) Bad night (10302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror http://tfl.nu/xej5
  Replies (17) Good night (4961) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  Wait until you see the roof.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help. (1-978): Wait until you see the roof. http://tfl.nu/itso
  Replies (34) Good night (4401) Bad night (1371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  all she had left on were here heels. phone five

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): all she had left on were here heels. phone five http://tfl.nu/azpy
  Replies (11) Good night (5195) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" . http://tfl.nu/721o
  Replies (9) Good night (6292) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay http://tfl.nu/pvcx
  Replies (16) Good night (4995) Bad night (3297)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter http://tfl.nu/n5bo
  Replies (13) Good night (4403) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here. http://tfl.nu/f99e
  Replies (19) Good night (1343) Bad night (5221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well. http://tfl.nu/ul8d
  Replies (12) Good night (5115) Bad night (1381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution. http://tfl.nu/sbqf
  Replies (21) Good night (5937) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face. http://tfl.nu/ce47
  Replies (74) Good night (2154) Bad night (8768) Order T-Shirt