did you get engaged???
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
