i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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