Texts From Last Night

Star's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs http://tfl.nu/yswk
  Replies (18) Good night (9962) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout? http://tfl.nu/0knj
  Replies (24) Good night (5411) Bad night (2059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel. http://tfl.nu/te56
  Replies (10) Good night (6246) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now. http://tfl.nu/dr20
  Replies (14) Good night (3634) Bad night (1107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited. http://tfl.nu/8ftm
  Replies (26) Good night (15546) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard http://tfl.nu/4drm
  Replies (22) Good night (7711) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you? http://tfl.nu/o1lb
  Replies (26) Good night (912) Bad night (5140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this http://tfl.nu/yh2h
  Replies (10) Good night (4434) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time http://tfl.nu/w7q6
  Replies (13) Good night (7164) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard? http://tfl.nu/skft
  Replies (12) Good night (5510) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America http://tfl.nu/yesg
  Replies (20) Good night (3918) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only. http://tfl.nu/ffub
  Replies (7) Good night (4529) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary. http://tfl.nu/hnqx
  Replies (24) Good night (5074) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer. http://tfl.nu/u1k3
  Replies (17) Good night (9054) Bad night (938)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you? http://tfl.nu/jgvr
  Replies (10) Good night (4318) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'. http://tfl.nu/ube5
  Replies (8) Good night (5325) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day. http://tfl.nu/2bxp
  Replies (5) Good night (3698) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did he notice?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself. (215): did he notice? (267): of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up.. http://tfl.nu/7kng
  Replies (82) Good night (1368) Bad night (9539)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (98) Good night (32300) Bad night (3092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was http://tfl.nu/p0yn
  Replies (13) Good night (6811) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  How was the bike ride?

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): How was the bike ride? (1-734): Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups. http://tfl.nu/2qrl
  Replies (21) Good night (7983) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.

  (786): View more from Florida

  that would mean it's on tape

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately. (804): i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof. (786): that would mean it's on tape http://tfl.nu/zipf
  Replies (6) Good night (3638) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston, we have a problem

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  where are u?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6
  Replies (43) Good night (14193) Bad night (972)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday. http://tfl.nu/vkd1
  Replies (5) Good night (5668) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14045) Bad night (1411)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  To a 70 year old lady?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face" (774): To a 70 year old lady?! http://tfl.nu/99j2
  Replies (20) Good night (4574) Bad night (1705)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  Do I even want to know?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend. (1-480): Do I even want to know? http://tfl.nu/wopv
  Replies (28) Good night (4245) Bad night (1449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets. http://tfl.nu/gp9t
  Replies (21) Good night (7830) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies" http://tfl.nu/wh5q
  Replies (24) Good night (9985) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  That's funny. Are they weird looking???

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart. (1-262): That's funny. Are they weird looking??? (262): OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS. http://tfl.nu/egmz
  Replies (38) Good night (8394) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious. http://tfl.nu/jbo1
  Replies (8) Good night (5094) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate. http://tfl.nu/1mwi
  Replies (14) Good night (956) Bad night (4312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald. http://tfl.nu/krtp
  Replies (21) Good night (7492) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet. http://tfl.nu/swmp
  Replies (18) Good night (9479) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting" http://tfl.nu/dmjy
  Replies (25) Good night (14546) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though. http://tfl.nu/36m5
  Replies (27) Good night (6331) Bad night (796)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver. http://tfl.nu/uqq7
  Replies (10) Good night (3363) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time http://tfl.nu/rajz
  Replies (21) Good night (7964) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place http://tfl.nu/6i8c
  Replies (16) Good night (5561) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home. http://tfl.nu/by9e
  Replies (18) Good night (4857) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps. http://tfl.nu/azhr
  Replies (14) Good night (6335) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson. http://tfl.nu/vrgn
  Replies (19) Good night (4631) Bad night (1734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line. http://tfl.nu/m4ec
  Replies (16) Good night (978) Bad night (4288)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much' http://tfl.nu/b5vr
  Replies (26) Good night (2101) Bad night (7632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat http://tfl.nu/5lfj
  Replies (63) Good night (11092) Bad night (1660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context. http://tfl.nu/nfjx
  Replies (26) Good night (5836) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever. http://tfl.nu/mih5
  Replies (13) Good night (4800) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half. http://tfl.nu/enxi
  Replies (13) Good night (6080) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single? http://tfl.nu/navn
  Replies (35) Good night (6556) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it. http://tfl.nu/064r
  Replies (13) Good night (6004) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game. http://tfl.nu/0we4
  Replies (20) Good night (4721) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him http://tfl.nu/gsvg
  Replies (7) Good night (5680) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face" http://tfl.nu/0o08
  Replies (52) Good night (10134) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high. http://tfl.nu/0v2t
  Replies (35) Good night (6378) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons http://tfl.nu/n087
  Replies (14) Good night (6075) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win. (1-773): Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married http://tfl.nu/w32w
  Replies (19) Good night (866) Bad night (7143)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me. http://tfl.nu/n997
  Replies (15) Good night (4448) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..

  (1-619): View more from California

  I am not bailing you of of jail

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now.. (1-619): I am not bailing you of of jail http://tfl.nu/exjk
  Replies (19) Good night (5954) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up http://tfl.nu/umx5
  Replies (15) Good night (677) Bad night (4100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake". http://tfl.nu/w0jz
  Replies (77) Good night (17719) Bad night (2149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things. http://tfl.nu/e6ox
  Replies (36) Good night (8850) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later" http://tfl.nu/lryz
  Replies (19) Good night (9815) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated http://tfl.nu/r9p5
  Replies (11) Good night (5522) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved. http://tfl.nu/1hyb
  Replies (31) Good night (5496) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day. http://tfl.nu/k8ur
  Replies (15) Good night (8429) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was http://tfl.nu/iq7q
  Replies (54) Good night (15851) Bad night (1586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (974): View more from

  You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (974): You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it. http://tfl.nu/orv6
  Replies (28) Good night (7605) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64498) Bad night (2455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see. http://tfl.nu/6fwn
  Replies (52) Good night (4972) Bad night (1064) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago. http://tfl.nu/uh8m
  Replies (35) Good night (13118) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all. http://tfl.nu/qt2o
  Replies (13) Good night (4807) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams. http://tfl.nu/ox7r
  Replies (47) Good night (10327) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body? (1-412): Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit http://tfl.nu/2oue
  Replies (51) Good night (1875) Bad night (13103)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened http://tfl.nu/7n12
  Replies (8) Good night (4072) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you http://tfl.nu/blf7
  Replies (38) Good night (9485) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know. http://tfl.nu/3jb2
  Replies (17) Good night (5544) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical. http://tfl.nu/d9c8
  Replies (29) Good night (10658) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  What did u do?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn.. (1-540): What did u do? (540): turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him.. http://tfl.nu/pi8a
  Replies (50) Good night (10674) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear. http://tfl.nu/hwjh
  Replies (17) Good night (5392) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you. http://tfl.nu/x6wp
  Replies (9) Good night (5655) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son. http://tfl.nu/kdpy
  Replies (27) Good night (7823) Bad night (1172)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it. (785): again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now. http://tfl.nu/6i8m
  Replies (35) Good night (1312) Bad night (6685)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard. http://tfl.nu/iuc0
  Replies (20) Good night (4487) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette. http://tfl.nu/20f3
  Replies (32) Good night (4609) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur http://tfl.nu/wpeh
  Replies (30) Good night (4587) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks http://tfl.nu/2ro0
  Replies (28) Good night (4161) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons... http://tfl.nu/4olw
  Replies (10) Good night (3472) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now. http://tfl.nu/y18v
  Replies (160) Good night (12664) Bad night (1443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans http://tfl.nu/906w
  Replies (154) Good night (7632) Bad night (2206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely. http://tfl.nu/77c9
  Replies (57) Good night (7918) Bad night (1727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.

  (352): View more from Florida

  I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency. (352): I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial. http://tfl.nu/wg41
  Replies (28) Good night (6980) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight. http://tfl.nu/evaz
  Replies (19) Good night (682) Bad night (4312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up. http://tfl.nu/8n4w
  Replies (7) Good night (643) Bad night (4515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid. http://tfl.nu/x26d
  Replies (19) Good night (1912) Bad night (2992)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again http://tfl.nu/9mpp
  Replies (34) Good night (6024) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid http://tfl.nu/fpm2
  Replies (26) Good night (7983) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl. http://tfl.nu/b8qp
  Replies (35) Good night (11274) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed. http://tfl.nu/ojs9
  Replies (29) Good night (918) Bad night (6378)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it. http://tfl.nu/g3nc
  Replies (19) Good night (5603) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up.... http://tfl.nu/s81o
  Replies (65) Good night (12624) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried. http://tfl.nu/sffp
  Replies (88) Good night (9243) Bad night (1347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind http://tfl.nu/hlcm
  Replies (23) Good night (3818) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked

  (708): View more from Illinois

  so?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked (708): so? (630): then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas http://tfl.nu/17ue
  Replies (18) Good night (4241) Bad night (411)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween. http://tfl.nu/3m71
  Replies (22) Good night (6304) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet http://tfl.nu/enn5
  Replies (40) Good night (6114) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME" http://tfl.nu/3lzs
  Replies (39) Good night (9769) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever http://tfl.nu/se2n
  Replies (47) Good night (6522) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock." http://tfl.nu/9z32
  Replies (20) Good night (4163) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat. http://tfl.nu/yzbr
  Replies (19) Good night (11967) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  There's a dead frog in my kitchen?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): There's a dead frog in my kitchen? (402): Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush. (402): The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all" http://tfl.nu/9htk
  Replies (34) Good night (1750) Bad night (4313)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple http://tfl.nu/6ez5
  Replies (8) Good night (525) Bad night (1456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  GO. BACK. NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash (1-513): GO. BACK. NOW. http://tfl.nu/zc24
  Replies (42) Good night (6198) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt