Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
