Texts From Last Night

bananaphone3's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever http://tfl.nu/gvxq
  Replies (21) Good night (10426) Bad night (1842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet http://tfl.nu/qzss
  Replies (11) Good night (4803) Bad night (1251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (365): View more from

  Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (365): Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine http://tfl.nu/mm7j
  Replies (13) Good night (4512) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter. http://tfl.nu/2ees
  Replies (26) Good night (1476) Bad night (15969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  This beer is not sobering me up at all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): This beer is not sobering me up at all http://tfl.nu/2fz8
  Replies (13) Good night (7562) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth. http://tfl.nu/5m3k
  Replies (41) Good night (9271) Bad night (3171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave. (702): now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like" http://tfl.nu/f7jt
  Replies (17) Good night (8133) Bad night (1014)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome. http://tfl.nu/mczw
  Replies (16) Good night (7864) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place http://tfl.nu/15wd
  Replies (33) Good night (5888) Bad night (1232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?! (781): Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze. http://tfl.nu/sc14
  Replies (18) Good night (893) Bad night (3575)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks. http://tfl.nu/ltgr
  Replies (11) Good night (5158) Bad night (1458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you. http://tfl.nu/e0pj
  Replies (39) Good night (5089) Bad night (2110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off. http://tfl.nu/9btz
  Replies (26) Good night (6139) Bad night (1810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  dude how high are you right now?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground. (1-256): dude how high are you right now? (256): do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves. http://tfl.nu/7ihc
  Replies (40) Good night (11522) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??

  (1-925): View more from California

  Yes. Yes it is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Is snow just God skeeting all over the place?? (1-925): Yes. Yes it is. http://tfl.nu/ofba
  Replies (12) Good night (4204) Bad night (1634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard http://tfl.nu/mdqr
  Replies (12) Good night (1101) Bad night (4099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening (508): yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night http://tfl.nu/fae5
  Replies (45) Good night (5359) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet. http://tfl.nu/qfk7
  Replies (47) Good night (1004) Bad night (4372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo

  (619): View more from California

  Cremation, why do you ask?

  (760): View more from California

  I think we have a bit of a problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo (619): Cremation, why do you ask? (760): I think we have a bit of a problem http://tfl.nu/6d26
  Replies (15) Good night (904) Bad night (1426)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never. http://tfl.nu/0ie8
  Replies (4) Good night (1386) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron. http://tfl.nu/58sn
  Replies (21) Good night (8865) Bad night (1000)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  It smells like ranch

  (925): View more from California

  Must be all the white people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): It smells like ranch (925): Must be all the white people http://tfl.nu/51vw
  Replies (52) Good night (5372) Bad night (1772)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that http://tfl.nu/ymub
  Replies (22) Good night (9210) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk. http://tfl.nu/brrf
  Replies (12) Good night (4089) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (1-415): View more from California

  What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?

  (415): View more from California

  Irish Spring?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (1-415): What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey? (415): Irish Spring? http://tfl.nu/ebnx
  Replies (20) Good night (4199) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout? http://tfl.nu/0knj
  Replies (24) Good night (5640) Bad night (2258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer. http://tfl.nu/8j5z
  Replies (39) Good night (2426) Bad night (4225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too. http://tfl.nu/2www
  Replies (42) Good night (1623) Bad night (14111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder. http://tfl.nu/z8u4
  Replies (50) Good night (6494) Bad night (2332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever http://tfl.nu/sgij
  Replies (86) Good night (2979) Bad night (15019)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.

  (979): View more from Texas

  I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me. (979): I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys. http://tfl.nu/btxr
  Replies (23) Good night (5351) Bad night (1598)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice. http://tfl.nu/5xpe
  Replies (21) Good night (7135) Bad night (1524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany! http://tfl.nu/9nli
  Replies (14) Good night (6516) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school http://tfl.nu/94oh
  Replies (36) Good night (6488) Bad night (1401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady." http://tfl.nu/ftym
  Replies (11) Good night (6141) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane. http://tfl.nu/zl9e
  Replies (18) Good night (6364) Bad night (992)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat. http://tfl.nu/qnu6
  Replies (31) Good night (4197) Bad night (5057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina??? http://tfl.nu/hnyt
  Replies (24) Good night (1072) Bad night (7825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood http://tfl.nu/vxnk
  Replies (22) Good night (5076) Bad night (1427)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51579) Bad night (2264)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out. http://tfl.nu/skdx
  Replies (18) Good night (7775) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance. http://tfl.nu/3lur
  Replies (32) Good night (9430) Bad night (1811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings http://tfl.nu/clzp
  Replies (13) Good night (2815) Bad night (4683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth? http://tfl.nu/ukqr
  Replies (21) Good night (5054) Bad night (1184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life. http://tfl.nu/x5qx
  Replies (23) Good night (3242) Bad night (3135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright. http://tfl.nu/328h
  Replies (17) Good night (7128) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.

  (1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  no his phone, idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot. (1-321): he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn. (321): no his phone, idiot. http://tfl.nu/beyf
  Replies (43) Good night (9401) Bad night (810)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story. http://tfl.nu/x6qv
  Replies (18) Good night (6365) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  What are we going to do tonight?

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  What we try to do every night. Take over the world

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): What are we going to do tonight? (704): What we try to do every night. Take over the world http://tfl.nu/y4va
  Replies (30) Good night (4198) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you. http://tfl.nu/p3o8
  Replies (15) Good night (9339) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future. http://tfl.nu/04uk
  Replies (31) Good night (1614) Bad night (6336)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you. http://tfl.nu/kzww
  Replies (25) Good night (922) Bad night (2831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing http://tfl.nu/n0bj
  Replies (28) Good night (5983) Bad night (1608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn http://tfl.nu/q2bp
  Replies (70) Good night (3256) Bad night (5079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Party in the USA is so catchy!

  (863): View more from Florida

  Yea, so is AIDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Party in the USA is so catchy! (863): Yea, so is AIDS. http://tfl.nu/nzzd
  Replies (87) Good night (11320) Bad night (1856)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre http://tfl.nu/3hgx
  Replies (20) Good night (6879) Bad night (1367)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need? http://tfl.nu/pqn5
  Replies (27) Good night (7006) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster? http://tfl.nu/6xmt
  Replies (20) Good night (4892) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans http://tfl.nu/906w
  Replies (155) Good night (7910) Bad night (2391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  WISH UPON A TAMPON

  (718): View more from New York

  They constantly get farther than me.

  (718): View more from New York

  tampons.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): WISH UPON A TAMPON (718): They constantly get farther than me. (718): tampons. http://tfl.nu/tcn2
  Replies (45) Good night (560) Bad night (3513)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She started it, but I totally finished it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds (404): She started it, but I totally finished it. http://tfl.nu/luqt
  Replies (6) Good night (3419) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I puked off the balcony.

  (1-831): View more from California

  Not horrible

  (831): View more from California

  Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I puked off the balcony. (1-831): Not horrible (831): Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza. http://tfl.nu/7wv6
  Replies (11) Good night (2229) Bad night (8887)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance. http://tfl.nu/tng6
  Replies (84) Good night (9219) Bad night (1170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie http://tfl.nu/vbyw
  Replies (36) Good night (5993) Bad night (1340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander" http://tfl.nu/pjq1
  Replies (20) Good night (3259) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches. http://tfl.nu/uy09
  Replies (30) Good night (9729) Bad night (925)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby (1-515): What the fuck were you doing at wal mart? http://tfl.nu/0ikn
  Replies (50) Good night (7395) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??! http://tfl.nu/ltdu
  Replies (55) Good night (8549) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise? http://tfl.nu/0r1q
  Replies (25) Good night (6860) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people http://tfl.nu/avir
  Replies (19) Good night (4310) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy... http://tfl.nu/q7uq
  Replies (14) Good night (1023) Bad night (2254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  what you doin?

  (516): View more from New York

  I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?

  (631): View more from New York

  reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): what you doin? (516): I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you? (631): reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life http://tfl.nu/6c83
  Replies (20) Good night (5393) Bad night (1385)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore" http://tfl.nu/euok
  Replies (12) Good night (5782) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am the drunkest girl in the tree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I am the drunkest girl in the tree. http://tfl.nu/zje1
  Replies (15) Good night (10243) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it. http://tfl.nu/pgco
  Replies (13) Good night (6718) Bad night (1226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon. http://tfl.nu/d58s
  Replies (39) Good night (9049) Bad night (1143) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them http://tfl.nu/8aam
  Replies (40) Good night (16421) Bad night (2035) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
  Replies (51) Good night (24086) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt