Texts From Last Night

DelawareBitty's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well. http://tfl.nu/7lfy
  Replies (20) Good night (7278) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded. http://tfl.nu/ax04
  Replies (32) Good night (5572) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked. http://tfl.nu/h1xn
  Replies (17) Good night (3804) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I just know... :) goodntight

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I just know... :) goodntight (1-281): Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too. http://tfl.nu/kxmt
  Replies (17) Good night (3202) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick http://tfl.nu/3g66
  Replies (10) Good night (5883) Bad night (1251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs. http://tfl.nu/yz88
  Replies (14) Good night (1071) Bad night (4422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.. http://tfl.nu/zyk4
  Replies (9) Good night (2464) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means. http://tfl.nu/u00p
  Replies (7) Good night (3696) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/o1ww
  Replies (11) Good night (5648) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes." http://tfl.nu/8fia
  Replies (15) Good night (1036) Bad night (5268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor. http://tfl.nu/i4di
  Replies (15) Good night (902) Bad night (2869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  "people in the room" being me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine. (336): "people in the room" being me. http://tfl.nu/hpsj
  Replies (12) Good night (5434) Bad night (1125)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!" http://tfl.nu/wp1u
  Replies (29) Good night (8123) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me. http://tfl.nu/r53x
  Replies (5) Good night (3547) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/7nbz
  Replies (28) Good night (4965) Bad night (2099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas http://tfl.nu/0wvi
  Replies (65) Good night (1892) Bad night (15890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship. http://tfl.nu/tvch
  Replies (8) Good night (735) Bad night (3144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night. http://tfl.nu/mu48
  Replies (10) Good night (5111) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then. http://tfl.nu/2mcz
  Replies (28) Good night (5927) Bad night (4532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza http://tfl.nu/2a0o
  Replies (13) Good night (4696) Bad night (2014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever. http://tfl.nu/k2hn
  Replies (90) Good night (1633) Bad night (24205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck http://tfl.nu/nvzw
  Replies (20) Good night (6193) Bad night (1320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee http://tfl.nu/ouc6
  Replies (23) Good night (5638) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people http://tfl.nu/8cwf
  Replies (28) Good night (1176) Bad night (5320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory http://tfl.nu/j2ic
  Replies (3) Good night (2705) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (276): I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem http://tfl.nu/0t83
  Replies (6) Good night (3422) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!" http://tfl.nu/cmoy
  Replies (23) Good night (4614) Bad night (1771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues". http://tfl.nu/ykd9
  Replies (13) Good night (2860) Bad night (1715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us. http://tfl.nu/d8nu
  Replies (7) Good night (4683) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life? http://tfl.nu/lv3r
  Replies (10) Good night (3589) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores http://tfl.nu/lmvr
  Replies (10) Good night (3219) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages http://tfl.nu/apfo
  Replies (23) Good night (1245) Bad night (4274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting. http://tfl.nu/w8rn
  Replies (9) Good night (1192) Bad night (6821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm. http://tfl.nu/al4b
  Replies (8) Good night (6957) Bad night (1178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me. http://tfl.nu/a0xa
  Replies (19) Good night (2229) Bad night (5822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general. http://tfl.nu/8yi1
  Replies (9) Good night (4740) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk. http://tfl.nu/el36
  Replies (12) Good night (6603) Bad night (1154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain. http://tfl.nu/8aml
  Replies (12) Good night (5550) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween http://tfl.nu/fww2
  Replies (38) Good night (6131) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/3cxs
  Replies (20) Good night (3172) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you http://tfl.nu/7a0u
  Replies (57) Good night (12016) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog http://tfl.nu/rz7h
  Replies (30) Good night (6186) Bad night (1300)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items" (973): That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic" http://tfl.nu/yk9d
  Replies (13) Good night (4447) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore. http://tfl.nu/kjzo
  Replies (12) Good night (3686) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked. http://tfl.nu/fnf4
  Replies (18) Good night (3942) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing? http://tfl.nu/vakp
  Replies (12) Good night (4517) Bad night (1299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  I'm in awe of how selfish that is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking. (1-519): I'm in awe of how selfish that is. http://tfl.nu/dlh3
  Replies (10) Good night (3491) Bad night (1427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable http://tfl.nu/lnzm
  Replies (8) Good night (1193) Bad night (3230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no. http://tfl.nu/new9
  Replies (23) Good night (1411) Bad night (3763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI. http://tfl.nu/qdh3
  Replies (11) Good night (994) Bad night (3722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room. http://tfl.nu/3ukp
  Replies (28) Good night (9606) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?

  (1-386): View more from Florida

  Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...? (1-386): Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge. http://tfl.nu/modl
  Replies (31) Good night (2606) Bad night (5275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store http://tfl.nu/b87c
  Replies (8) Good night (4540) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs http://tfl.nu/0h2n
  Replies (6) Good night (3339) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Dude you has no fucking this poptart

  (719): View more from Colorado

  What?

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I dont know to explain this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Dude you has no fucking this poptart (719): What? (843): I dont know to explain this. http://tfl.nu/kk1s
  Replies (35) Good night (6523) Bad night (1261)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now. http://tfl.nu/6prd
  Replies (7) Good night (878) Bad night (2394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga http://tfl.nu/wuq5
  Replies (45) Good night (4803) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay. http://tfl.nu/5ucl
  Replies (27) Good night (1306) Bad night (4757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever. http://tfl.nu/8zyq
  Replies (47) Good night (5128) Bad night (1380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out. http://tfl.nu/f1nl
  Replies (43) Good night (16772) Bad night (1224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours. http://tfl.nu/vd0x
  Replies (11) Good night (1472) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants. (401): Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean. http://tfl.nu/96j7
  Replies (29) Good night (6010) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on. http://tfl.nu/8n2e
  Replies (15) Good night (5547) Bad night (933)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer. http://tfl.nu/7z73
  Replies (2) Good night (526) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  everyone is single if you try hard enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): everyone is single if you try hard enough http://tfl.nu/81g9
  Replies (42) Good night (5207) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession? http://tfl.nu/ohzs
  Replies (50) Good night (6167) Bad night (1848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong http://tfl.nu/v2kj
  Replies (25) Good night (1168) Bad night (5290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142363) Bad night (9364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows... http://tfl.nu/dubx
  Replies (260) Good night (1939) Bad night (40044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  i want you now

  (916): View more from California

  you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): i want you now (916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this http://tfl.nu/8egt
  Replies (148) Good night (6928) Bad night (69272)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me http://tfl.nu/rfhz
  Replies (11) Good night (3257) Bad night (1320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/n1jt
  Replies (2) Good night (3591) Bad night (974)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing http://tfl.nu/3kjo
  Replies (18) Good night (3797) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple." http://tfl.nu/0gie
  Replies (4) Good night (5147) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming. http://tfl.nu/nho3
  Replies (12) Good night (6793) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You guys make me sad

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You misspelled jealous there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone. (540): You guys make me sad (703): You misspelled jealous there http://tfl.nu/wtst
  Replies (23) Good night (11522) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys. http://tfl.nu/g37d
  Replies (310) Good night (11083) Bad night (5484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool. http://tfl.nu/0qcg
  Replies (42) Good night (12177) Bad night (1134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it" http://tfl.nu/fy2z
  Replies (41) Good night (13609) Bad night (1335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (22347) Bad night (1531)
• Favorite

  (555): View more from

  My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (555): My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique http://tfl.nu/mm4o
  Replies (17) Good night (4377) Bad night (1339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar. http://tfl.nu/vsf5
  Replies (9) Good night (3453) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky. http://tfl.nu/5xyb
  Replies (31) Good night (14770) Bad night (1594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore. http://tfl.nu/f91d
  Replies (55) Good night (7147) Bad night (1116)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS. http://tfl.nu/4d7u
  Replies (17) Good night (581) Bad night (2946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love http://tfl.nu/hgdf
  Replies (86) Good night (7277) Bad night (1628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes http://tfl.nu/106l
  Replies (26) Good night (502) Bad night (4327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo http://tfl.nu/aw10
  Replies (30) Good night (5756) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wrong number and your a loser

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular (610): Wrong number and your a loser http://tfl.nu/k831
  Replies (32) Good night (1153) Bad night (8395)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  wrong number but thanks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten. (610): wrong number but thanks http://tfl.nu/9cua
  Replies (18) Good night (7872) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.

  (631): View more from New York

  Samesies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I can only be a whore so many days outta the week. (631): Samesies http://tfl.nu/jurs
  Replies (23) Good night (4809) Bad night (705)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants? http://tfl.nu/1myu
  Replies (33) Good night (1990) Bad night (4523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): dude, she masturbates with a ken doll. http://tfl.nu/7x56
  Replies (66) Good night (1218) Bad night (7304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here. http://tfl.nu/6w86
  Replies (30) Good night (1272) Bad night (12790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me http://tfl.nu/jltn
  Replies (49) Good night (619) Bad night (6503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask http://tfl.nu/pl36
  Replies (31) Good night (9721) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am http://tfl.nu/p6fg
  Replies (13) Good night (4542) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  fair is fair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it (484): fair is fair http://tfl.nu/tm5x
  Replies (21) Good night (5999) Bad night (961)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again. http://tfl.nu/0grs
  Replies (30) Good night (6280) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  his penis was the training wheels of my sex life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): his penis was the training wheels of my sex life http://tfl.nu/y4t8
  Replies (16) Good night (4568) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital. http://tfl.nu/94uz
  Replies (39) Good night (5970) Bad night (2810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck http://tfl.nu/mnqh
  Replies (49) Good night (1154) Bad night (7157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You just said the magic words

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE. (610): You just said the magic words http://tfl.nu/8k47
  Replies (24) Good night (5666) Bad night (928)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind. http://tfl.nu/lf45
  Replies (15) Good night (4365) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried. http://tfl.nu/cyhc
  Replies (12) Good night (858) Bad night (4893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out http://tfl.nu/5zdd
  Replies (44) Good night (1290) Bad night (4863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy http://tfl.nu/6i8p
  Replies (18) Good night (1031) Bad night (1928) Order T-Shirt