On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
