Texts From Last Night

paulerd's Favorites Texts:

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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.

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  (250): Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment. http://tfl.nu/7c81
  Replies (10) Good night (1202) Bad night (2166) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am

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  (570): she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am http://tfl.nu/vths
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".

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  (520): He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home". http://tfl.nu/zprh
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.

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  (785): We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool. http://tfl.nu/h5uz
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.

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  (317): ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions. http://tfl.nu/8qmh
  Replies (23) Good night (3584) Bad night (596)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom

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  (605): the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom http://tfl.nu/jd2y
  Replies (6) Good night (539) Bad night (2010) Order T-Shirt
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.

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  (224): so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now. http://tfl.nu/4hn1
  Replies (33) Good night (12549) Bad night (1307)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.

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  (214): Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more. http://tfl.nu/1w8z
  Replies (18) Good night (5317) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade

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  (563): Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade http://tfl.nu/sv7y
  Replies (63) Good night (56963) Bad night (1217)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

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  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (152) Good night (65370) Bad night (3433)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"

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  (515): I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that" http://tfl.nu/9edj
  Replies (15) Good night (6001) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants

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  (910): If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants http://tfl.nu/gfd8
  Replies (5) Good night (1423) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals

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  (651): Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals http://tfl.nu/rxm6
  Replies (15) Good night (3941) Bad night (1137) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon

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  (978): I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon http://tfl.nu/xy8w
  Replies (5) Good night (3334) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.

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  (706): This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules. http://tfl.nu/2gj5
  Replies (16) Good night (6285) Bad night (849)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

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  (434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed? (540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets. http://tfl.nu/2g4o
  Replies (42) Good night (28311) Bad night (1322)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You can't wash away shame.

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  I can try.

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  (781): You can't wash away shame. (1-781): I can try. http://tfl.nu/os07
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?

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  (203): If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him? http://tfl.nu/p8ua
  Replies (8) Good night (3704) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won

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  (314): Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won http://tfl.nu/r5as
  Replies (6) Good night (3353) Bad night (544)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.

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  (910): I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect. http://tfl.nu/cd2m
  Replies (4) Good night (2928) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.

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  (248): My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment. http://tfl.nu/qz9q
  Replies (17) Good night (3774) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me

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  (510): i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me http://tfl.nu/jfl6
  Replies (65) Good night (1943) Bad night (12207)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."

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  (304): I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God." http://tfl.nu/1oy5
  Replies (21) Good night (10074) Bad night (1319) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  ill bring the camera dont start without me

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  (215): two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup (1-215): ill bring the camera dont start without me http://tfl.nu/yr2f
  Replies (26) Good night (1175) Bad night (3877) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you

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  (816): You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you http://tfl.nu/d6cu
  Replies (8) Good night (934) Bad night (2767)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut

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  (507): there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut http://tfl.nu/7k06
  Replies (40) Good night (5702) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I intend to get homeless drunk

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  (403): I intend to get homeless drunk http://tfl.nu/9yk9
  Replies (20) Good night (4894) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.

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  (404): Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs. http://tfl.nu/4a67
  Replies (18) Good night (5758) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.

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  (336): i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets. http://tfl.nu/gfq6
  Replies (53) Good night (3643) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?

  (1-845): View more from New York

  Who won mens moguls?

  (845): View more from New York

  That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.

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  (845): We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously? (1-845): Who won mens moguls? (845): That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude. http://tfl.nu/8mik
  Replies (63) Good night (6544) Bad night (2058)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado

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  (719): 3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado http://tfl.nu/w6qi
  Replies (72) Good night (7594) Bad night (619)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.

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  (402): Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake. http://tfl.nu/294d
  Replies (24) Good night (8140) Bad night (820)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"

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  (301): The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football" http://tfl.nu/o0mi
  Replies (19) Good night (5041) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

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  (714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt
  Replies (55) Good night (13537) Bad night (5080)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you

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  (917): i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you http://tfl.nu/qry0
  Replies (8) Good night (3560) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks

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  (210): Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks http://tfl.nu/5a6w
  Replies (5) Good night (7184) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  None he's f-d

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  (313): Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have (1-313): None he's f-d http://tfl.nu/3q7m
  Replies (14) Good night (691) Bad night (1805)
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  (714): View more from California

  It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.

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  (714): It's a self-perpetuating puke chain. http://tfl.nu/kvdz
  Replies (2) Good night (478) Bad night (1292) Order T-Shirt
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.

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  (989): we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through. http://tfl.nu/1jmj
  Replies (9) Good night (3022) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...

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  (360): I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something... http://tfl.nu/7h7f
  Replies (21) Good night (6928) Bad night (1045) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So squirting runs in the family.

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  (603): So squirting runs in the family. http://tfl.nu/x29o
  Replies (15) Good night (3789) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.

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  (860): The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up. http://tfl.nu/uswo
  Replies (14) Good night (1174) Bad night (4190) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.

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  (678): I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation... (404): I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud. http://tfl.nu/9qj8
  Replies (8) Good night (3711) Bad night (514)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight

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  (612): Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight http://tfl.nu/a290
  Replies (69) Good night (1173) Bad night (8852) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them

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  (307): If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them http://tfl.nu/vjhk
  Replies (13) Good night (4443) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one

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  (336): A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one http://tfl.nu/284v
  Replies (25) Good night (7930) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....

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  (847): he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad? (952): You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him.... http://tfl.nu/ht91
  Replies (37) Good night (1980) Bad night (7825)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Are you high and at a petting zoo again?

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  (520): Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals (480): Are you high and at a petting zoo again? http://tfl.nu/ph9z
  Replies (4) Good night (4973) Bad night (724)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.

  (936): View more from Texas

  haha now u have to piss out ur bum

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  (281): I definitely just put my boxers on backwards. (936): haha now u have to piss out ur bum http://tfl.nu/xfh5
  Replies (10) Good night (1091) Bad night (482)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.

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  (859): We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge. http://tfl.nu/pldc
  Replies (7) Good night (2655) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.

  (719): View more from Colorado

  this better not be you asking for a beej

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  (303): She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner. (719): this better not be you asking for a beej http://tfl.nu/u03l
  Replies (14) Good night (1209) Bad night (2200)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.

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  (508): It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode. http://tfl.nu/vudg
  Replies (4) Good night (2236) Bad night (477)
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  (716): View more from New York

  its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose

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  (716): its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose http://tfl.nu/vf99
  Replies (8) Good night (4327) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission

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  (408): Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission http://tfl.nu/3kcn
  Replies (6) Good night (1887) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.

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  (603): I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin. http://tfl.nu/suqz
  Replies (2) Good night (1524) Bad night (475)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  so now she's a stripper

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  can't say i'm surprised

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  (281): so now she's a stripper (1-281): can't say i'm surprised http://tfl.nu/r749
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

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  (720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket http://tfl.nu/nqxt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  succeeding

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  (781): we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives? (910): succeeding http://tfl.nu/avwv
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.

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  (319): How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules. http://tfl.nu/ttz2
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  (458): View more from Oregon

  I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.

  (350): View more from

  You are my idol.

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  (458): I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation. (350): You are my idol. http://tfl.nu/xq85
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?

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  (513): He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like? http://tfl.nu/ctij
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.

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  (917): I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee. http://tfl.nu/dm1b
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.

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  (717): It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost. http://tfl.nu/w01g
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  come over

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  (402): hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face. (1-402): come over http://tfl.nu/v8ye
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.

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  (407): Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost. http://tfl.nu/odd1
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  (254): View more from Texas

  that's what penises do

  (254): View more from Texas

  they tell lies.

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  (254): that's what penises do (254): they tell lies. http://tfl.nu/si8y
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?

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  (980): Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew? http://tfl.nu/j4qs
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.

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  (806): I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit. http://tfl.nu/a0hw
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  how else could I explain the last few years

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  (703): I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills (262): how else could I explain the last few years http://tfl.nu/wfh1
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.

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  (978): i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite. http://tfl.nu/yk7i
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  (845): View more from New York

  She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".

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  (845): She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex". http://tfl.nu/cd1v
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.

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  (913): You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals. http://tfl.nu/ise6
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  (425): View more from Washington

  he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"

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  (425): he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!" http://tfl.nu/83kf
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  :O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"

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  (971): :O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out" http://tfl.nu/uf6x
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.

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  (913): I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you. http://tfl.nu/mcnp
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  (727): View more from Florida

  She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

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  (727): She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. http://tfl.nu/rrn9
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.

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  (313): I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures. http://tfl.nu/7qyy
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill

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  (240): boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill http://tfl.nu/6vp9
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.

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  (336): walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life. http://tfl.nu/o34i
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich

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  (905): Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich http://tfl.nu/gjvv
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.

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  (604): she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me. http://tfl.nu/s0lh
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

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  (330): The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life. http://tfl.nu/g5ok
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles

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  (215): he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles http://tfl.nu/ya5r
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