Texts From Last Night

septsapphire's Favorites Texts:

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.

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  (732): I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time. http://tfl.nu/5sl5
  Replies (7) Good night (4948) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.

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  (620): I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process. http://tfl.nu/qg86
  Replies (10) Good night (4411) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers

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  (724): Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers http://tfl.nu/1uct
  Replies (26) Good night (7182) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.

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  (443): I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face. http://tfl.nu/jlmy
  Replies (6) Good night (3435) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj

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  (914): im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj http://tfl.nu/kgi8
  Replies (22) Good night (5183) Bad night (1500) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.

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  (513): This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping. http://tfl.nu/j81d
  Replies (5) Good night (3155) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context

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  (859): there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context http://tfl.nu/uw18
  Replies (4) Good night (2170) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.

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  (704): It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie. http://tfl.nu/rp9b
  Replies (7) Good night (3712) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.

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  (207): just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries. http://tfl.nu/mz24
  Replies (3) Good night (3493) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs

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  (301): not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs http://tfl.nu/cui3
  Replies (6) Good night (2341) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"

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  (401): Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life" http://tfl.nu/0dy4
  Replies (5) Good night (4913) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.

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  (443): Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire. http://tfl.nu/qksw
  Replies (16) Good night (3614) Bad night (1317) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.

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  (309): stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof. http://tfl.nu/lut1
  Replies (8) Good night (2535) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?

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  (330): Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home? http://tfl.nu/9062
  Replies (11) Good night (3921) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in

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  (773): She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in http://tfl.nu/bue7
  Replies (6) Good night (3598) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time

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  (570): she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time http://tfl.nu/kzmt
  Replies (10) Good night (3137) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend

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  (412): she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend http://tfl.nu/4xq5
  Replies (15) Good night (5402) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you

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  (215): i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you http://tfl.nu/4yxe
  Replies (35) Good night (8788) Bad night (1449) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?

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  (602): Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again? http://tfl.nu/01x5
  Replies (4) Good night (3123) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong

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  (484): i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong http://tfl.nu/1mot
  Replies (21) Good night (1137) Bad night (3636) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!

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  (609): Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?! (267): This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room.. (609): AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?! http://tfl.nu/dtle
  Replies (37) Good night (432) Bad night (3260)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.

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  (+44): Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though. http://tfl.nu/3f7o
  Replies (7) Good night (4885) Bad night (605)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.

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  (919): he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer. http://tfl.nu/8j5z
  Replies (39) Good night (2301) Bad night (4096) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  no, that is not a typo

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday

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  (401): i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night (401): no, that is not a typo (401): i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday http://tfl.nu/nleu
  Replies (49) Good night (6324) Bad night (1900)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?

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  (201): If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box? http://tfl.nu/nvmk
  Replies (59) Good night (13909) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up

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  (262): The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up http://tfl.nu/qgka
  Replies (8) Good night (742) Bad night (3141) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss

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  (781): My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss http://tfl.nu/yqt0
  Replies (17) Good night (8200) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

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  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (41863) Bad night (1189)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  You are an asshole

  (574): View more from Indiana

  haha sleeping beauty awakes.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Where did you find this costume?

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  (616): You are an asshole (574): haha sleeping beauty awakes. (616): Where did you find this costume? http://tfl.nu/m4ai
  Replies (31) Good night (11794) Bad night (570)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.

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  (630): We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed. http://tfl.nu/qpmm
  Replies (100) Good night (29418) Bad night (4462) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets

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  (502): sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets http://tfl.nu/cbq3
  Replies (6) Good night (2330) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.

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  (847): Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday? (708): We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us. http://tfl.nu/9z48
  Replies (47) Good night (13233) Bad night (634)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.

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  (334): Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me. http://tfl.nu/y7m9
  Replies (24) Good night (2007) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.

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  (443): repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. http://tfl.nu/ux00
  Replies (15) Good night (5353) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life

  (619): View more from California

  with a huge shlong

  (440): View more from Ohio

  massive. i wanna make bitches cry

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  (440): if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life (619): with a huge shlong (440): massive. i wanna make bitches cry http://tfl.nu/imk4
  Replies (38) Good night (5416) Bad night (453)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.

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  (514): I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later. http://tfl.nu/cmn8
  Replies (6) Good night (2129) Bad night (385)
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  (716): View more from New York

  You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70

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  (716): You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70 http://tfl.nu/w9g2
  Replies (13) Good night (5882) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  bring money and cleavage

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  (978): bring money and cleavage http://tfl.nu/w9ou
  Replies (20) Good night (5742) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'

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  (+44): He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.' http://tfl.nu/uc3v
  Replies (23) Good night (4537) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"

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  (870): You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call" http://tfl.nu/7z02
  Replies (29) Good night (9469) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room

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  (403): I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room http://tfl.nu/da0x
  Replies (156) Good night (5180) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Your tits are I can't wait for

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  (647): Your tits are I can't wait for http://tfl.nu/8px6
  Replies (5) Good night (934) Bad night (238) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!

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  (610): Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!! http://tfl.nu/obvl
  Replies (7) Good night (880) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  i puked in the mini-firdge

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we don't have a mini-fridge?

  (917): View more from New York City

  bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that

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  (917): i puked in the mini-firdge (201): we don't have a mini-fridge? (917): bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that http://tfl.nu/0lys
  Replies (4) Good night (2836) Bad night (519)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.

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  (773): I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced. http://tfl.nu/90fx
  Replies (25) Good night (5125) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  Thanks dad.

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  (810): Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game. (1-810): Thanks dad. http://tfl.nu/ga57
  Replies (24) Good night (814) Bad night (4373) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite

  (917): View more from New York City

  get a pic

  (718): View more from New York

  i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that

  (917): View more from New York City

  i want ur life

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  (718): i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite (917): get a pic (718): i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that (917): i want ur life http://tfl.nu/sg3n
  Replies (25) Good night (2269) Bad night (263)
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  (818): View more from California

  On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?

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  (818): On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now? http://tfl.nu/j4yz
  Replies (35) Good night (668) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.

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  (616): it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor. http://tfl.nu/agj1
  Replies (20) Good night (509) Bad night (4171) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?

  (313): View more from Michigan

  YES

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  (586): If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct? (313): YES http://tfl.nu/udyu
  Replies (12) Good night (1777) Bad night (237)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  We need to talk about our relationship.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes

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  (575): We need to talk about our relationship. (403): I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes http://tfl.nu/0ub4
  Replies (20) Good night (8450) Bad night (1069)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love

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  (561): I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love http://tfl.nu/jtcg
  Replies (15) Good night (983) Bad night (3411) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US

  (703): View more from Virginia

  It's the American dream

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  (202): On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US (703): It's the American dream http://tfl.nu/z0hb
  Replies (31) Good night (3858) Bad night (523)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  dude how high are you right now?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.

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  (256): i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground. (1-256): dude how high are you right now? (256): do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves. http://tfl.nu/7ihc
  Replies (38) Good night (11050) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.

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  (248): brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing. http://tfl.nu/ysyr
  Replies (10) Good night (4217) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.

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  (650): Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low. http://tfl.nu/on4s
  Replies (13) Good night (957) Bad night (3042) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.

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  (815) Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off? (1-815) You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it. http://tfl.nu/du1d
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside

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  (501): there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside http://tfl.nu/1bna
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  (512): View more from Texas

  You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?

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  (512): You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that? http://tfl.nu/amhf
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.

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  (814): If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already. http://tfl.nu/owi8
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now

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  (262): Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now http://tfl.nu/184c
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  (714): View more from California

  i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock

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  (714): i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock http://tfl.nu/oxvs
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  (916): View more from California

  i think i have herpe

  (1-916): View more from California

  just one?

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  (916): i think i have herpe (1-916): just one? http://tfl.nu/e1l6
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  (607): View more from New York

  so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.

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  (607): so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class. http://tfl.nu/dhq5
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?

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  (440): Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college? http://tfl.nu/er5p
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them

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  (201): My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them http://tfl.nu/2uni
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  (214): View more from Texas

  On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously

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  (214): On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi. (1-214): You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously http://tfl.nu/z61a
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  she says it's "been amazing lately"

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half

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  (540): she says it's "been amazing lately" (540): i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half http://tfl.nu/wgvp
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed

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  (901): Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed http://tfl.nu/avah
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea

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  (587): Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea http://tfl.nu/gdya
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.

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  (440): Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana. http://tfl.nu/g8b3
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  (516): View more from New York

  and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants

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  (516): and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants http://tfl.nu/bet3
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname

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  (412): the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime (724): ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname http://tfl.nu/hnce
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  (631): View more from New York

  Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.

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  (631): Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin (856): Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts. http://tfl.nu/olt8
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  (941): View more from Florida

  CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.

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  (941): CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES. http://tfl.nu/rhol
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  (360): View more from Washington

  It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick

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  (360): It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick http://tfl.nu/navf
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  (805): View more from California

  before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.

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  (805): before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was. http://tfl.nu/5vrd
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  (214): View more from Texas

  There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.

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  (214): There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence. http://tfl.nu/c80w
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  (619): View more from California

  i miss you so much

  (858): View more from California

  i miss you too

  (858): View more from California

  oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me

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  (619): i miss you so much (858): i miss you too (858): oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me http://tfl.nu/932e
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  (713): View more from Texas

  We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.

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  (713): We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love. http://tfl.nu/9dmy
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.

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  (601): It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed. http://tfl.nu/yhbt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground

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  (617): were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground http://tfl.nu/2c7r
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston, we have a problem

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  where are u?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

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  (617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6
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  (661): View more from California

  so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.

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  (661): so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa. http://tfl.nu/lwmw
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  fucking a dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i mean: fucking a, dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  wow, that comma made all the difference there

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  (703): fucking a dude (703): i mean: fucking a, dude (703): wow, that comma made all the difference there http://tfl.nu/2m4f
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  (214): View more from Texas

  only if we run a train.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  done.

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  (214): only if we run a train. (1-214): done. http://tfl.nu/x860
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  dude, osama threatened the US again

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  dude. i slept with your sister last night

  (847): View more from Illinois

  what?

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news

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  (847): dude, osama threatened the US again (1-847): dude. i slept with your sister last night (847): what? (1-847) I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news http://tfl.nu/r4dc
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  (714): View more from California

  I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.

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  (714): I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy. http://tfl.nu/mwni
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie

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  (941): I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie http://tfl.nu/ovq9
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...

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  (814): I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up... http://tfl.nu/nkqy
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.

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  (724): An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god. http://tfl.nu/gzqy
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky

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  (978): sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky http://tfl.nu/aofd
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