Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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