Texts From Last Night

kulove's Favorites Texts:

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  (707): View more from California

  My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."

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  (707): My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet." http://tfl.nu/s1m4
  Replies (52) Good night (15178) Bad night (1387) Order T-Shirt
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  (213): View more from California

  Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.

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  (213): Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train. http://tfl.nu/ldtk
  Replies (39) Good night (339) Bad night (1954) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"

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  (313): Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ" http://tfl.nu/pk0t
  Replies (41) Good night (14368) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  ill be there in 5.

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  (812): through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife. (847): ill be there in 5. http://tfl.nu/y9p2
  Replies (26) Good night (8322) Bad night (693)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.

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  (+44): The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps. http://tfl.nu/azhr
  Replies (14) Good night (6335) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.

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  (513): Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch. http://tfl.nu/dpne
  Replies (24) Good night (13859) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.

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  (401): Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends. http://tfl.nu/34is
  Replies (28) Good night (286) Bad night (3685) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  You love me.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  That's because, tragically, I adore whores.

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  (316): You love me. (785): That's because, tragically, I adore whores. http://tfl.nu/7eph
  Replies (29) Good night (7631) Bad night (1163)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  my mouth tastes like poor choices

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  (401): my mouth tastes like poor choices http://tfl.nu/2d46
  Replies (29) Good night (978) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey kate, how is it?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.

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  (267): Hey kate, how is it? (610): sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving. http://tfl.nu/94qm
  Replies (14) Good night (476) Bad night (2692)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.

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  (208): I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked. http://tfl.nu/g0yc
  Replies (13) Good night (4197) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top

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  (405): New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top http://tfl.nu/zi79
  Replies (256) Good night (7920) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line

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  (201): i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line http://tfl.nu/rmxl
  Replies (51) Good night (9946) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  alright she left, finally time to fart up the room

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  (347): alright she left, finally time to fart up the room http://tfl.nu/utm3
  Replies (17) Good night (3343) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special

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  (781): my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special http://tfl.nu/2mea
  Replies (63) Good night (15733) Bad night (1546) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it

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  (773): I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it http://tfl.nu/9cts
  Replies (37) Good night (10877) Bad night (525)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented

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  (618): bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented http://tfl.nu/qz6v
  Replies (35) Good night (6960) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game

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  (864): we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game http://tfl.nu/6o4z
  Replies (36) Good night (7016) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

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  (314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you? http://tfl.nu/ocb5
  Replies (131) Good night (30703) Bad night (1947) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely

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  (908): Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely http://tfl.nu/evtu
  Replies (13) Good night (428) Bad night (4332) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.

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  (847): She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing. http://tfl.nu/qwo3
  Replies (15) Good night (1836) Bad night (3956) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.

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  (305): he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me. http://tfl.nu/04rv
  Replies (32) Good night (4949) Bad night (1644) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song

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  (214): You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song http://tfl.nu/2x4f
  Replies (25) Good night (9326) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.

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  (323): I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom. http://tfl.nu/rbnh
  Replies (117) Good night (1270) Bad night (43938) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.

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  (714): you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before. http://tfl.nu/gj1j
  Replies (15) Good night (721) Bad night (3151) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?

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  (402): how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship? http://tfl.nu/xa9a
  Replies (44) Good night (8217) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada

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  (616): Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada http://tfl.nu/8u25
  Replies (29) Good night (1265) Bad night (4207) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

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  (954): I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa http://tfl.nu/4mlw
  Replies (79) Good night (13444) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell

  (720): View more from Colorado

  That's the classiest thing you've ever said.

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  (303): i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell (720): That's the classiest thing you've ever said. http://tfl.nu/sstw
  Replies (44) Good night (5771) Bad night (1689)
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  (716): View more from New York

  You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.

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  (716): You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked. http://tfl.nu/6dqf
  Replies (28) Good night (1131) Bad night (4660) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.

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  (303): At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends. (1-303): At about the same time you guys weren't burritos. http://tfl.nu/mxci
  Replies (27) Good night (7580) Bad night (567)
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  (315): View more from New York

  It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.

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  (315): It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar. http://tfl.nu/d08o
  Replies (26) Good night (3827) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck

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  (804): dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck http://tfl.nu/zlj8
  Replies (46) Good night (979) Bad night (7019) Order T-Shirt
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.

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  (551): Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again. http://tfl.nu/vdhg
  Replies (51) Good night (676) Bad night (4188) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"

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  (303): You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty" http://tfl.nu/y2bi
  Replies (21) Good night (815) Bad night (5643) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.

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  (707): i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present. http://tfl.nu/pwew
  Replies (24) Good night (4867) Bad night (1154) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?

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  (208): can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened? http://tfl.nu/sf3c
  Replies (23) Good night (4347) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

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  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (83) Good night (2825) Bad night (37933) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.

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  (607): I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/vi3x
  Replies (32) Good night (9692) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."

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  (954): I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers." http://tfl.nu/vnij
  Replies (40) Good night (5202) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes

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  (520): woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes http://tfl.nu/cy36
  Replies (33) Good night (525) Bad night (9648) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  they said they heard you say put it in my butt

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  (207): they said they heard you say put it in my butt http://tfl.nu/b3wk
  Replies (21) Good night (4149) Bad night (2343) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  Even water is tasting like jack daniels

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  (310): Even water is tasting like jack daniels http://tfl.nu/2l5a
  Replies (15) Good night (4656) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  smell my finger.

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  (612): smell my finger. http://tfl.nu/i0ta
  Replies (80) Good night (1404) Bad night (4821) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)

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  (650): Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day) http://tfl.nu/fh88
  Replies (40) Good night (1418) Bad night (3696) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won

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  (262): Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won http://tfl.nu/cdx8
  Replies (10) Good night (4303) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.

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  (610): Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry. http://tfl.nu/7qgs
  Replies (38) Good night (5043) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

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  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (468) Good night (165221) Bad night (6020) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster

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  (970): He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster http://tfl.nu/ubg8
  Replies (86) Good night (731) Bad night (3461) Order T-Shirt
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  "The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.

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  (705): "The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub. http://tfl.nu/ge4i
  Replies (22) Good night (3399) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk

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  (423): I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk http://tfl.nu/ntyc
  Replies (18) Good night (2240) Bad night (1326) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.

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  (973): don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping. http://tfl.nu/d4lu
  Replies (15) Good night (635) Bad night (1967) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner

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  (415): no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner http://tfl.nu/9h98
  Replies (27) Good night (3926) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.

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  (781): Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart. http://tfl.nu/ct0g
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document

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  (570): I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document http://tfl.nu/k2y9
  Replies (49) Good night (979) Bad night (5791) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.

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  (715): I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win. http://tfl.nu/jyaa
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair

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  (563): even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair http://tfl.nu/e78g
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.

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  (305): I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner. http://tfl.nu/42gn
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas

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  (917): I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas http://tfl.nu/eh4r
  Replies (58) Good night (849) Bad night (5870) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk

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  (845): Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk http://tfl.nu/am6s
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.

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  (865): Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet. http://tfl.nu/z1qf
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  (805): View more from California

  We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.

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  (805): We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened. http://tfl.nu/qapw
  Replies (20) Good night (8956) Bad night (462)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...

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  (479): even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit... http://tfl.nu/fzja
  Replies (60) Good night (4346) Bad night (1369) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight

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  (304): I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight http://tfl.nu/2lmk
  Replies (23) Good night (4411) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'

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  (650): last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.' http://tfl.nu/3iza
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  (386): View more from Florida

  he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"

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  (386): he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor" http://tfl.nu/h9m9
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!

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  (304): STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us! http://tfl.nu/rgw4
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  You know how I know you're gay?

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  (218): Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments (320): You know how I know you're gay? http://tfl.nu/13va
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"

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  (419): Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get" http://tfl.nu/yg96
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  (207): View more from Maine

  there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets

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  (207): there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets http://tfl.nu/n8se
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.

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  (203): i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german. http://tfl.nu/cfoz
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job

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  (856): Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job http://tfl.nu/pld4
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me

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  (913): I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me http://tfl.nu/t8we
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.

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  (856): so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug. http://tfl.nu/yra7
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My cha cha got a haircut

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf

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  (814): My cha cha got a haircut (724): thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf http://tfl.nu/cixh
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  you would not believe what I got pierced last night...

  (540): View more from Virginia

  son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.

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  (434): you would not believe what I got pierced last night... (540): son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear. http://tfl.nu/q4w6
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.

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  (801): I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion. http://tfl.nu/ntse
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.

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  (732): Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest. http://tfl.nu/jp7b
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.

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  (610): Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it. http://tfl.nu/l5ke
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.

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  (706): I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song. (1-706): I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina. http://tfl.nu/b2qf
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.

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  (412): words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing. http://tfl.nu/a6am
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask

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  (202): Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask http://tfl.nu/68m0
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  (716): View more from New York

  God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.

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  (716): God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them. http://tfl.nu/wqtw
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

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  (603): Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror. http://tfl.nu/is4s
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow

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  (203): spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow http://tfl.nu/sj2l
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