Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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