Texts From Last Night

Seatown1990's Favorites Texts:

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  (253): View more from Washington

  The pine trees are waving at me.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Put the pipe down honey.

  (253): View more from Washington

  Hi trees.

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  (253): The pine trees are waving at me. (907): Put the pipe down honey. (253): Hi trees. http://tfl.nu/6b23
  Replies (16) Good night (7573) Bad night (1249)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out

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  (253): Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out http://tfl.nu/bygf
  Replies (4) Good night (6088) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.

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  (253): The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore. http://tfl.nu/j34l
  Replies (8) Good night (722) Bad night (3129) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  It was just a squirrel

  (253): View more from Washington

  You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar

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  (406): It was just a squirrel (253): You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar http://tfl.nu/smls
  Replies (11) Good night (5372) Bad night (609)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency

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  (253): These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency http://tfl.nu/qlw6
  Replies (18) Good night (2615) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.

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  (253): Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle. http://tfl.nu/sb1o
  Replies (11) Good night (2935) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid

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  (253): The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid http://tfl.nu/62ef
  Replies (23) Good night (4247) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.

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  (253): once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced. http://tfl.nu/7kbq
  Replies (37) Good night (3179) Bad night (1889) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.

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  (253): In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me. http://tfl.nu/mf2b
  Replies (11) Good night (2717) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?

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  (253): We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this? http://tfl.nu/8b98
  Replies (7) Good night (2206) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.

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  (253): I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight. http://tfl.nu/4pnr
  Replies (11) Good night (3072) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".

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  (253): He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation". http://tfl.nu/2gnt
  Replies (12) Good night (630) Bad night (2700) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...

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  (253): sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident... http://tfl.nu/dmae
  Replies (16) Good night (1555) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.

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  (253): We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up. http://tfl.nu/4lr7
  Replies (6) Good night (3232) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...

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  (253): Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning... http://tfl.nu/es8o
  Replies (6) Good night (2376) Bad night (488)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.

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  (253): Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real. http://tfl.nu/8edz
  Replies (7) Good night (2171) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???

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  (253): How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister??? http://tfl.nu/ukzw
  Replies (13) Good night (1671) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips

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  (253): I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips http://tfl.nu/j5et
  Replies (4) Good night (1288) Bad night (429)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.

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  (253): So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel. http://tfl.nu/ldso
  Replies (5) Good night (829) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA

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  (253): drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA http://tfl.nu/xnrm
  Replies (6) Good night (629) Bad night (1782) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.

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  (253): The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case. http://tfl.nu/nkd8
  Replies (2) Good night (1831) Bad night (792)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.

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  (253): We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch. http://tfl.nu/tp65
  Replies (41) Good night (3381) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex

  (206): View more from Washington

  Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy

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  (253): Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex (206): Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy http://tfl.nu/0aky
  Replies (16) Good night (2293) Bad night (590)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

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  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (468) Good night (165217) Bad night (6020) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

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  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (199) Good night (82962) Bad night (6404)
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  (909): View more from California

  I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

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  (909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb
  Replies (165) Good night (87457) Bad night (3242) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

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  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
  Replies (178) Good night (89858) Bad night (3912)
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  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

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  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (298) Good night (96125) Bad night (5008)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

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  (843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true http://tfl.nu/y8hf
  Replies (405) Good night (100879) Bad night (8674) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

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  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (434) Good night (107943) Bad night (8843) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

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  (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more http://tfl.nu/zuqw
  Replies (202) Good night (112750) Bad night (2647) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

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  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (124) Good night (122214) Bad night (2212) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136702) Bad night (8407) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1608) Good night (161225) Bad night (40082) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.

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  (508): So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test. http://tfl.nu/gxsj
  Replies (30) Good night (7582) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous

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  (304): The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous http://tfl.nu/w3if
  Replies (4) Good night (599) Bad night (1771) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.

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  (240): Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic. http://tfl.nu/gchg
  Replies (5) Good night (3955) Bad night (1253)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.

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  (802): i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11. http://tfl.nu/k8vl
  Replies (20) Good night (4944) Bad night (2259) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again

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  (443): booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again http://tfl.nu/1mb1
  Replies (13) Good night (5700) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.

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  (619): Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating. http://tfl.nu/bhg3
  Replies (10) Good night (842) Bad night (2484) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.

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  (920): just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch. http://tfl.nu/t841
  Replies (5) Good night (5085) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.

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  (828): Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me. http://tfl.nu/wdvy
  Replies (15) Good night (7468) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.

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  (505): My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help. http://tfl.nu/hde2
  Replies (17) Good night (3039) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  they call him Oral-B. enough said

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  (905): they call him Oral-B. enough said http://tfl.nu/vhzo
  Replies (12) Good night (2657) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning

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  (215): he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning http://tfl.nu/kfu4
  Replies (4) Good night (645) Bad night (2285) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.

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  (910): Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job. http://tfl.nu/jru8
  Replies (6) Good night (2848) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.

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  (330): You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test. http://tfl.nu/znwq
  Replies (4) Good night (4676) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.

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  (970): I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision. http://tfl.nu/ny2a
  Replies (11) Good night (2524) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
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  (858): View more from California

  She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.

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  (858): She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol. http://tfl.nu/gw51
  Replies (9) Good night (3055) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
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  (239): View more from Florida

  What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?

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  (239): What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex? http://tfl.nu/g36z
  Replies (11) Good night (3216) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.

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  (504): Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now. http://tfl.nu/h0mp
  Replies (9) Good night (2579) Bad night (575)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.

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  (801): He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me. http://tfl.nu/9uhs
  Replies (33) Good night (5642) Bad night (1369) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....

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  (618): Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight.... http://tfl.nu/4lm3
  Replies (5) Good night (1939) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.

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  (817): He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms. http://tfl.nu/g9bp
  Replies (8) Good night (2194) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.

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  (678): Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that. http://tfl.nu/i43f
  Replies (24) Good night (4614) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night

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  (206): buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night http://tfl.nu/bj1f
  Replies (7) Good night (2684) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers

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  (931): I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers http://tfl.nu/gzzm
  Replies (8) Good night (2299) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...

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  (412): im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs... http://tfl.nu/hk0q
  Replies (10) Good night (3008) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on

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  (604): This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on http://tfl.nu/bpc0
  Replies (5) Good night (2013) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex

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  (302): It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex http://tfl.nu/xtt5
  Replies (20) Good night (3033) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom

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  (831): please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom http://tfl.nu/23l0
  Replies (10) Good night (4743) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing

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  (630): you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing http://tfl.nu/mpy9
  Replies (6) Good night (2595) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...

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  (406): apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone... http://tfl.nu/2d2g
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.

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  (208): She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement. http://tfl.nu/tf3a
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.

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  (214): Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2. http://tfl.nu/7wyo
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  (607): View more from New York

  his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.

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  (607): his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop. http://tfl.nu/p3uz
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  (727): View more from Florida

  its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics

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  (727): its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics http://tfl.nu/k6wq
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  he quoted the bible to break up with me

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  (570): he quoted the bible to break up with me http://tfl.nu/7gni
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.

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  (317): Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week. http://tfl.nu/d9gv
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  (305): View more from Florida

  quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you

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  (305): quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you http://tfl.nu/hg35
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  (516): View more from New York

  There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face

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  (516): There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face http://tfl.nu/9y4h
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.

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  (479): I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics. http://tfl.nu/bo11
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.

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  (412): This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun. http://tfl.nu/9a4x
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  (562): View more from California

  I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.

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  (562): I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible. http://tfl.nu/uxem
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.

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  (773): Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up. http://tfl.nu/ll85
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive

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  (814): Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive http://tfl.nu/97qq
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever

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  (503): There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever http://tfl.nu/502h
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one

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  (402): i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one http://tfl.nu/cpp8
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  (509): View more from Washington

  She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center

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  (509): She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center http://tfl.nu/9ea5
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!

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  (814): My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!! http://tfl.nu/fx6s
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't even know what potassium is.

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  (571): You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember? (703): I don't even know what potassium is. http://tfl.nu/wfp6
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.

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  (402): my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk. http://tfl.nu/e85f
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures

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  (304): Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures http://tfl.nu/pect
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Please get laid.

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  (919): I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot. (1-919): Please get laid. http://tfl.nu/xffk
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  (239): View more from Florida

  When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.

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  (239): When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up. http://tfl.nu/gf96
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Wish you were here....

  (734): View more from Michigan

  And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?

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  (734): Wish you were here.... (734): And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it? http://tfl.nu/j5nc
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday

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  (573): Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday http://tfl.nu/e47n
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often

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  (314): this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often http://tfl.nu/vudy
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  (714): View more from California

  so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)

  (1-714): View more from California

  i'm so jealous of you right now.

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  (714): so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;) (1-714): i'm so jealous of you right now. http://tfl.nu/egrq
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  (214): View more from Texas

  just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?

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  (214): just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high? http://tfl.nu/2d1b
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.

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  (651): Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love. http://tfl.nu/7dfa
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent

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  (612): i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent http://tfl.nu/7y58
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.

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  (410): To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows. http://tfl.nu/3dnj
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.

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  (307): Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again. http://tfl.nu/btf1
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.

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  (703): swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back." (202): buy whatever she's on. a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/b6gr
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  and I must say, you were very persuasive

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  (303): you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight. (303): and I must say, you were very persuasive http://tfl.nu/e18p
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  (850): View more from Florida

  We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.

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  (850): We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you. http://tfl.nu/tn9h
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.

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  (706): I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song. (1-706): I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina. http://tfl.nu/b2qf
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?

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  (402): So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy? http://tfl.nu/0629
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

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  (781): today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby. http://tfl.nu/f0c2
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  (206): View more from Washington

  You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her

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  (206): You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her http://tfl.nu/auxf
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.

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  (215): I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now. http://tfl.nu/hl5z
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...

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  (757): If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up... http://tfl.nu/b9ou
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one

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  (860): The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one http://tfl.nu/gt0t
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  (206): View more from Washington

  When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?

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  (206): When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle? http://tfl.nu/8gva
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.

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  (774): It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God. http://tfl.nu/c3gg
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

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  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
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  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

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  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
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