Texts From Last Night

plainer195's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you

  (917): View more from New York City

  Those had pot in them

  (917): View more from New York City

  And good luck on your interview asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you (917): Those had pot in them (917): And good luck on your interview asshole http://tfl.nu/911g
  Replies (49) Good night (16389) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas. http://tfl.nu/lamz
  Replies (41) Good night (4129) Bad night (6995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?

  (914): View more from New York

  you mean faeutihaers?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night? (914): you mean faeutihaers? http://tfl.nu/mcba
  Replies (34) Good night (10150) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to? http://tfl.nu/fqx3
  Replies (51) Good night (8196) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  watch out for the queen of hearts

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  fuucck i forgot ab her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat (215): watch out for the queen of hearts (610): fuucck i forgot ab her http://tfl.nu/mo46
  Replies (15) Good night (5114) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me. (1-301): I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom. http://tfl.nu/1oh9
  Replies (39) Good night (2931) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom http://tfl.nu/lat0
  Replies (177) Good night (34630) Bad night (4467)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (107) Good night (38278) Bad night (1593)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a
  Replies (200) Good night (38524) Bad night (2837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (208) Good night (49126) Bad night (2153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  So are we goin out tonight?

  (315): View more from New York

  Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...

  (850): View more from Florida

  And that was fun, wasn't it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): So are we goin out tonight? (315): Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night... (850): And that was fun, wasn't it? http://tfl.nu/s8z3
  Replies (18) Good night (2705) Bad night (304)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way. http://tfl.nu/3diq
  Replies (49) Good night (3182) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  God I fucking love America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016... (1-513): God I fucking love America. http://tfl.nu/eses
  Replies (44) Good night (8618) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64505) Bad night (2455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am. http://tfl.nu/8xi2
  Replies (15) Good night (8453) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!" http://tfl.nu/rb09
  Replies (23) Good night (11002) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer. http://tfl.nu/2zy4
  Replies (59) Good night (9850) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you. http://tfl.nu/tn9h
  Replies (18) Good night (7754) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  and I must say, you were very persuasive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight. (303): and I must say, you were very persuasive http://tfl.nu/e18p
  Replies (74) Good night (17137) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime (724): ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname http://tfl.nu/hnce
  Replies (62) Good night (7042) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She started it, but I totally finished it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds (404): She started it, but I totally finished it. http://tfl.nu/luqt
  Replies (6) Good night (3232) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (151) Good night (62674) Bad night (2951)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

  (443): View more from Maryland

  wasted?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  im pocohantasssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd (443): wasted? (410): im pocohantasssss http://tfl.nu/gql6
  Replies (109) Good night (42212) Bad night (1636)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic. http://tfl.nu/sxvb
  Replies (78) Good night (29282) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors http://tfl.nu/9psa
  Replies (65) Good night (15740) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord" http://tfl.nu/17lg
  Replies (61) Good night (5961) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much? http://tfl.nu/jwju
  Replies (23) Good night (6823) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg... http://tfl.nu/gr75
  Replies (33) Good night (7604) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth." http://tfl.nu/c9w9
  Replies (15) Good night (7315) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open. http://tfl.nu/kkl3
  Replies (23) Good night (13454) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (175) Good night (48993) Bad night (1510)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking. http://tfl.nu/av4y
  Replies (34) Good night (8529) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance. http://tfl.nu/2gcf
  Replies (32) Good night (12897) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I have so much to learn from you, wise slut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!" (219): I have so much to learn from you, wise slut http://tfl.nu/eyww
  Replies (20) Good night (3446) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over. http://tfl.nu/mbe0
  Replies (9) Good night (3845) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (95) Good night (38044) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything. http://tfl.nu/pmpx
  Replies (76) Good night (26528) Bad night (1349)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome

  (816): View more from Missouri

  no its not leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome (816): no its not leave http://tfl.nu/95g2
  Replies (91) Good night (1853) Bad night (7626)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up http://tfl.nu/dh1d
  Replies (30) Good night (5084) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky http://tfl.nu/clbn
  Replies (90) Good night (7651) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins. http://tfl.nu/5ao1
  Replies (23) Good night (10962) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get" http://tfl.nu/yg96
  Replies (23) Good night (8441) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.

  (406): View more from Montana

  And we all know God doesn't like sinners.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Amen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out. (406): And we all know God doesn't like sinners. (701): Amen. http://tfl.nu/nq0i
  Replies (14) Good night (6204) Bad night (451)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer. http://tfl.nu/5zs6
  Replies (44) Good night (4203) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick http://tfl.nu/i68n
  Replies (71) Good night (17659) Bad night (3272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69191) Bad night (1984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers. http://tfl.nu/3nnr
  Replies (37) Good night (901) Bad night (5113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker http://tfl.nu/8x3j
  Replies (24) Good night (5815) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch. http://tfl.nu/o7me
  Replies (19) Good night (6573) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself http://tfl.nu/ot4u
  Replies (30) Good night (4948) Bad night (974)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (349) Good night (55359) Bad night (6455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed. http://tfl.nu/54wn
  Replies (64) Good night (7474) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass http://tfl.nu/wmly
  Replies (411) Good night (25221) Bad night (3166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us! http://tfl.nu/rgw4
  Replies (31) Good night (7739) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it

  (917): View more from New York City

  the suitcase or the dildo?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it (917): the suitcase or the dildo? http://tfl.nu/j1en
  Replies (39) Good night (9692) Bad night (1222)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history http://tfl.nu/gm9f
  Replies (17) Good night (3986) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller http://tfl.nu/2xod
  Replies (9) Good night (2448) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

  (718): View more from New York

  pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them (718): pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed http://tfl.nu/7id4
  Replies (31) Good night (10677) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant. (847): Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you. http://tfl.nu/48mv
  Replies (63) Good night (2551) Bad night (5646)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus? http://tfl.nu/vinz
  Replies (20) Good night (3872) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks http://tfl.nu/7ncm
  Replies (16) Good night (912) Bad night (3939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp http://tfl.nu/1q8y
  Replies (23) Good night (4491) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  That was a text you sent me last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I think I'd do Clint Eastwood. (440): ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now. (513): That was a text you sent me last night. http://tfl.nu/tvw9
  Replies (36) Good night (9441) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey. http://tfl.nu/1r0k
  Replies (27) Good night (11047) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  as in "white"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry" (1-864): as in "white"? http://tfl.nu/140y
  Replies (24) Good night (4957) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?

  (1-845): View more from New York

  Who won mens moguls?

  (845): View more from New York

  That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously? (1-845): Who won mens moguls? (845): That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude. http://tfl.nu/8mik
  Replies (63) Good night (6301) Bad night (1888)
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  oh, you finally did the dishes then?

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  No, bought new ones.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (980): I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight. (704): oh, you finally did the dishes then? (980): No, bought new ones. http://tfl.nu/21up
  Replies (48) Good night (7233) Bad night (941)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on

  (1-310): View more from California

  I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on (1-310): I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his http://tfl.nu/vdif
  Replies (30) Good night (5245) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA! http://tfl.nu/7pku
  Replies (347) Good night (41958) Bad night (4164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes. http://tfl.nu/4wgk
  Replies (45) Good night (27372) Bad night (1659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity. http://tfl.nu/zm0j
  Replies (19) Good night (4455) Bad night (1317)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins! http://tfl.nu/8m62
  Replies (19) Good night (5522) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey" http://tfl.nu/pjur
  Replies (24) Good night (6154) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out? http://tfl.nu/fgrz
  Replies (59) Good night (9182) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday." http://tfl.nu/kc3i
  Replies (31) Good night (5007) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson. http://tfl.nu/oqx8
  Replies (10) Good night (3023) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink. http://tfl.nu/ugbw
  Replies (60) Good night (13238) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest http://tfl.nu/54ul
  Replies (41) Good night (26201) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt