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Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
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