Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
