Texts From Last Night

dreed86's Favorites Texts:

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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.

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  (225): You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night. http://tfl.nu/uygn
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".

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  (973): Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise". http://tfl.nu/r9vi
  Replies (7) Good night (671) Bad night (1718) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"

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  (610): She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it" http://tfl.nu/cfuj
  Replies (111) Good night (3331) Bad night (1390) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.

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  (913): your life is more of a joke than dina lohan. (1-913): if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan. http://tfl.nu/safo
  Replies (7) Good night (462) Bad night (1571) Order T-Shirt
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  (626): View more from California

  HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?

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  (626): HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN? http://tfl.nu/rsqz
  Replies (50) Good night (5618) Bad night (1752) Order T-Shirt
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.

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  (289): Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger. http://tfl.nu/9mbe
  Replies (17) Good night (4904) Bad night (607)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'

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  (920): you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!' http://tfl.nu/st5y
  Replies (23) Good night (2907) Bad night (3638) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...

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  (408): She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that. (717): I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother... http://tfl.nu/ehm3
  Replies (153) Good night (1627) Bad night (24782)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.

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  (435): Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed. http://tfl.nu/zk8r
  Replies (29) Good night (5391) Bad night (804)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night

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  (561): Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night http://tfl.nu/h2y4
  Replies (6) Good night (2346) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off

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  (715): guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off http://tfl.nu/qflt
  Replies (10) Good night (3055) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever

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  (570): Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever http://tfl.nu/sgij
  Replies (85) Good night (2634) Bad night (14476)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  Thanks, mom.

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  (202): You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway. (1-202): Thanks, mom. http://tfl.nu/107n
  Replies (24) Good night (1459) Bad night (4033)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn

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  (520): Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn http://tfl.nu/666p
  Replies (20) Good night (6349) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.

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  (610): I faked it too. I just spit on your bed. http://tfl.nu/1pbs
  Replies (19) Good night (1860) Bad night (6438) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job

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  (347): We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job http://tfl.nu/wtkj
  Replies (18) Good night (394) Bad night (4116) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil

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  (303): wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil http://tfl.nu/oyvg
  Replies (19) Good night (8261) Bad night (1554) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?

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  (561): So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell? http://tfl.nu/0nz8
  Replies (44) Good night (7175) Bad night (847)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.

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  (908): there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo. http://tfl.nu/6eag
  Replies (37) Good night (4279) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Prob not but she was surprised

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  (773): When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate" (312): Prob not but she was surprised http://tfl.nu/a9jx
  Replies (2) Good night (1261) Bad night (362)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  hah, sarcasm, classic

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  (212): Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning. (248): hah, sarcasm, classic http://tfl.nu/x41v
  Replies (10) Good night (2126) Bad night (641)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?

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  (816): She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit? http://tfl.nu/kt2r
  Replies (24) Good night (6971) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz

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  (716): People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz http://tfl.nu/sutg
  Replies (86) Good night (15269) Bad night (2447) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.

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  (519): When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon. http://tfl.nu/7cpz
  Replies (56) Good night (8101) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  shit pants at work. discarded underwear.

  (1-530): View more from California

  just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?

  (530): View more from California

  yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.

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  (530): shit pants at work. discarded underwear. (1-530): just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now? (530): yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye. http://tfl.nu/oxzl
  Replies (44) Good night (688) Bad night (4600)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK

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  (660): There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK http://tfl.nu/9rna
  Replies (9) Good night (1075) Bad night (2552) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it

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  (818): The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it http://tfl.nu/3wsm
  Replies (5) Good night (1004) Bad night (2384) Order T-Shirt
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word

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  (971): this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word http://tfl.nu/bykc
  Replies (57) Good night (1393) Bad night (20154) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period

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  (404): I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period http://tfl.nu/z8bc
  Replies (17) Good night (642) Bad night (2950)
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  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

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  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
  Replies (128) Good night (7629) Bad night (22864)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..

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  (970): dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them.. http://tfl.nu/vwfx
  Replies (6) Good night (2769) Bad night (1220) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  You want to go to a white party at LAX

  (1-510): View more from California

  Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach

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  (510): You want to go to a white party at LAX (1-510): Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach http://tfl.nu/866u
  Replies (14) Good night (716) Bad night (1921) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic

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  (765): Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic http://tfl.nu/acyn
  Replies (6) Good night (4535) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal

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  (410): So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal http://tfl.nu/8nnp
  Replies (5) Good night (604) Bad night (1619) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  what happened last night?

  (917): View more from New York City

  u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style

  (718): View more from New York

  that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left

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  (718): what happened last night? (917): u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style (718): that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left http://tfl.nu/i3a9
  Replies (39) Good night (13351) Bad night (670)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  LETS GO REDSKINS!

  (276): View more from Virginia

  Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.

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  (540): LETS GO REDSKINS! (276): Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday. http://tfl.nu/15rh
  Replies (25) Good night (4975) Bad night (623)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?

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  (248): guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop? http://tfl.nu/8g34
  Replies (22) Good night (5701) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house

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  (717): Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house http://tfl.nu/sze6
  Replies (16) Good night (1513) Bad night (2273) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.

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  (202): Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful. http://tfl.nu/bz9e
  Replies (7) Good night (2883) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...

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  (843): ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now... http://tfl.nu/ndt5
  Replies (15) Good night (1933) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.

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  (703): Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out. http://tfl.nu/rmo5
  Replies (7) Good night (3079) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.

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  (260): I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay. http://tfl.nu/s74r
  Replies (27) Good night (1286) Bad night (3853) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.

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  (914): she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob. http://tfl.nu/q7jj
  Replies (25) Good night (372) Bad night (4057) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.

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  (505): Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops. http://tfl.nu/78kv
  Replies (75) Good night (596) Bad night (6150) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning

  (805): View more from California

  1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.

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  (650): dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning (805): 1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992. http://tfl.nu/ljqj
  Replies (31) Good night (4323) Bad night (473)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk

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  (781): just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk http://tfl.nu/vmmw
  Replies (14) Good night (2581) Bad night (1663) Order T-Shirt
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.

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  (662): He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv. http://tfl.nu/kqij
  Replies (6) Good night (2622) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
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  (239): View more from Florida

  In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.

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  (239): In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now. http://tfl.nu/wa2b
  Replies (32) Good night (8401) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape

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  (408): Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape http://tfl.nu/uzlj
  Replies (10) Good night (3610) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Dude. Creed is coming in september.

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  We're no longer friends.

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  (817): Dude. Creed is coming in september. (1-817): We're no longer friends. http://tfl.nu/0z8r
  Replies (43) Good night (1047) Bad night (3915) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.

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  (651): Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad. http://tfl.nu/pphf
  Replies (16) Good night (7994) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?

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  (515): Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby (1-515): What the fuck were you doing at wal mart? http://tfl.nu/0ikn
  Replies (50) Good night (7134) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  im sorry, i don't get text messages.

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  (225): you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!? (504): im sorry, i don't get text messages. http://tfl.nu/s0zg
  Replies (13) Good night (538) Bad night (919)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it

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  (651): i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it http://tfl.nu/fv1k
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.

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  (919): He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great. http://tfl.nu/il4g
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.

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  (319): We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world. http://tfl.nu/rh6u
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.

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  (727): I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due. http://tfl.nu/nv78
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS

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  (609): And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS http://tfl.nu/9yrh
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

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  (202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me. http://tfl.nu/uo6c
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  (408): View more from California

  hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)

  (650): View more from California

  nah, i'm gonna grab some food

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  (408): hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;) (650): nah, i'm gonna grab some food http://tfl.nu/jz1a
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  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

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  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

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  (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. http://tfl.nu/3ets
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

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  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

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  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

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  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli

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  (313): her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli http://tfl.nu/6z4f
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

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  (304): You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me. http://tfl.nu/fshf
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?

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  (614): Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln? http://tfl.nu/gtnh
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express

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  (479): there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express http://tfl.nu/hlsi
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  (516): View more from New York

  I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss

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  (516): I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss http://tfl.nu/w0b9
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all

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  (814): Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all http://tfl.nu/xfbz
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...

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  (541): She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets... http://tfl.nu/jeys
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