Texts From Last Night

KingDong_dot_Com's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do. http://tfl.nu/ir0f
  Replies (8) Good night (4556) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case". http://tfl.nu/rki3
  Replies (22) Good night (3662) Bad night (1227) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them http://tfl.nu/jlgr
  Replies (7) Good night (467) Bad night (1609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ" http://tfl.nu/pk0t
  Replies (41) Good night (14880) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house" http://tfl.nu/wkle
  Replies (13) Good night (1184) Bad night (8496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled http://tfl.nu/cbhx
  Replies (8) Good night (5102) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club. http://tfl.nu/jnj2
  Replies (6) Good night (908) Bad night (3673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): 2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing. http://tfl.nu/jq9y
  Replies (74) Good night (11672) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head. http://tfl.nu/xkz0
  Replies (91) Good night (2697) Bad night (960)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/v8g0
  Replies (14) Good night (5624) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead". http://tfl.nu/bwjk
  Replies (10) Good night (5658) Bad night (893)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant http://tfl.nu/517l
  Replies (17) Good night (5148) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
  Replies (51) Good night (24086) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'." http://tfl.nu/z1xk
  Replies (21) Good night (5987) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  That was a text you sent me last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I think I'd do Clint Eastwood. (440): ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now. (513): That was a text you sent me last night. http://tfl.nu/tvw9
  Replies (36) Good night (9807) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one http://tfl.nu/gt0t
  Replies (27) Good night (6101) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.

  (1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  no his phone, idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot. (1-321): he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn. (321): no his phone, idiot. http://tfl.nu/beyf
  Replies (43) Good night (9401) Bad night (810)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided. http://tfl.nu/ph4u
  Replies (20) Good night (964) Bad night (4260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village. http://tfl.nu/cmft
  Replies (16) Good night (5259) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night..... (617): I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11 http://tfl.nu/wa6u
  Replies (36) Good night (7530) Bad night (1361)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  ...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?

  (585): View more from New York

  hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that

  (516): View more from New York

  is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): ...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year? (585): hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that (516): is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ? http://tfl.nu/juy6
  Replies (139) Good night (7665) Bad night (1077)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have two black x marks on my hands.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

  (971): View more from Oregon

  damnit I wish I could remember that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a
  Replies (58) Good night (26506) Bad night (1261)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass. (1-256): That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years. (256): Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that. (1-256): Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham. http://tfl.nu/egwd
  Replies (54) Good night (4905) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6801) Bad night (40800)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts http://tfl.nu/gdmu
  Replies (13) Good night (2494) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you. http://tfl.nu/620d
  Replies (20) Good night (5498) Bad night (886)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from England

  why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star?? http://tfl.nu/ikzh
  Replies (13) Good night (909) Bad night (3043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  i got excepted to unl lol

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You mean "accepted".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): i got excepted to unl lol (402): You mean "accepted". http://tfl.nu/3nr7
  Replies (76) Good night (1585) Bad night (5988)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon. http://tfl.nu/tzl9
  Replies (57) Good night (20175) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me".... http://tfl.nu/dlub
  Replies (22) Good night (6421) Bad night (810)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.

  (786): View more from Florida

  How high are you right now..

  (305): View more from Florida

  I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind. (786): How high are you right now.. (305): I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT. http://tfl.nu/q5i7
  Replies (29) Good night (10152) Bad night (962)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger. (603): Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat. http://tfl.nu/6067
  Replies (19) Good night (6582) Bad night (988)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm http://tfl.nu/muws
  Replies (8) Good night (3721) Bad night (1057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Sounds like a really classy character....

  (478): View more from Georgia

  He is classy. It was argyle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis (410): Sounds like a really classy character.... (478): He is classy. It was argyle. http://tfl.nu/j1fr
  Replies (18) Good night (6431) Bad night (527)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't even know what potassium is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember? (703): I don't even know what potassium is. http://tfl.nu/wfp6
  Replies (47) Good night (9942) Bad night (898)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (66718) Bad night (3003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73387) Bad night (2471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud http://tfl.nu/jb23
  Replies (25) Good night (4988) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me. http://tfl.nu/kxxf
  Replies (26) Good night (6451) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face http://tfl.nu/3atc
  Replies (7) Good night (1682) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too. http://tfl.nu/c8jr
  Replies (24) Good night (626) Bad night (4040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  What is a GED?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly (1-208): What is a GED? http://tfl.nu/qgi3
  Replies (47) Good night (816) Bad night (9701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'. http://tfl.nu/b21s
  Replies (18) Good night (6569) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here. http://tfl.nu/6w86
  Replies (30) Good night (1259) Bad night (12773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning? http://tfl.nu/rfsi
  Replies (55) Good night (4740) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever. http://tfl.nu/64bh
  Replies (85) Good night (10559) Bad night (2328)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  How was dinner with ur grandparents?

  (1-607): View more from New York

  I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): How was dinner with ur grandparents? (1-607) I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana." http://tfl.nu/9nup
  Replies (18) Good night (1318) Bad night (6492)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate? http://tfl.nu/77q7
  Replies (77) Good night (6906) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive. http://tfl.nu/9k83
  Replies (22) Good night (840) Bad night (5354)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America. http://tfl.nu/b8jy
  Replies (36) Good night (6952) Bad night (1220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am." http://tfl.nu/b7uw
  Replies (18) Good night (6139) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time

  (972): View more from Texas

  i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time (972): i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!" http://tfl.nu/dprb
  Replies (22) Good night (9424) Bad night (750)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you? http://tfl.nu/hgrf
  Replies (16) Good night (4758) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Tell me the dirtiest joke you know

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  Sarah Palin

  (907): View more from Alaska

  god, I love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Tell me the dirtiest joke you know (1-907): Sarah Palin (907): god, I love you http://tfl.nu/fmd4
  Replies (101) Good night (10336) Bad night (1123)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!' http://tfl.nu/twcd
  Replies (28) Good night (7361) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I know, I was there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends (336): I know, I was there. http://tfl.nu/9p97
  Replies (1) Good night (1542) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through. http://tfl.nu/bvv7
  Replies (20) Good night (7034) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"

  (1-478): View more from Georgia

  And thats what homeschooling is for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!" (1-478): And thats what homeschooling is for http://tfl.nu/vl1o
  Replies (17) Good night (4571) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match? http://tfl.nu/fgta
  Replies (24) Good night (750) Bad night (4452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta. http://tfl.nu/sa2y
  Replies (42) Good night (14286) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.

  (801): View more from Utah

  alright see you in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house. (1-801): There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen. (801): alright see you in the morning. http://tfl.nu/gnes
  Replies (47) Good night (18514) Bad night (702)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?" http://tfl.nu/740o
  Replies (9) Good night (1889) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Pants 0. Shit 1.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Pants 0. Shit 1. http://tfl.nu/y752
  Replies (8) Good night (733) Bad night (3139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later. http://tfl.nu/11rn
  Replies (16) Good night (3766) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after. http://tfl.nu/p612
  Replies (38) Good night (5803) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  dats a huuuuuge bitch!

  (773): View more from Illinois

  who is this????

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): dats a huuuuuge bitch! (773): who is this???? http://tfl.nu/bpgf
  Replies (3) Good night (789) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me. http://tfl.nu/i6y1
  Replies (53) Good night (4341) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69
  Replies (61) Good night (17483) Bad night (949)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week http://tfl.nu/vx1e
  Replies (13) Good night (4799) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded http://tfl.nu/ytab
  Replies (8) Good night (562) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story... http://tfl.nu/gdb4
  Replies (50) Good night (1360) Bad night (4786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not! (1-512): well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number http://tfl.nu/3fc4
  Replies (21) Good night (596) Bad night (3103)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): 2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind http://tfl.nu/af2w
  Replies (20) Good night (614) Bad night (6112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like http://tfl.nu/masc
  Replies (81) Good night (8837) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Getting food. Want anything?

  (1-949): View more from California

  Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Getting food. Want anything? (1-949): Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce http://tfl.nu/xicu
  Replies (7) Good night (1834) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I feel like death. Did you die last night?

  (305): View more from Florida

  Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I feel like death. Did you die last night? (305): Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta! (859): unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus http://tfl.nu/lgid
  Replies (8) Good night (1975) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!

  (812): View more from Indiana

  ?

  (646): View more from New York

  Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE! (812): ? (646): Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that? http://tfl.nu/5o1s
  Replies (37) Good night (3392) Bad night (603)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  fucking a dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i mean: fucking a, dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  wow, that comma made all the difference there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): fucking a dude (703): i mean: fucking a, dude (703): wow, that comma made all the difference there http://tfl.nu/2m4f
  Replies (93) Good night (11077) Bad night (876)