non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
