Texts From Last Night

soccerlova332's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college? http://tfl.nu/z4fh
  Replies (2) Good night (727) Bad night (265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Why do you think she gets more guys?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Why do you think she gets more guys? (1-603): well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that http://tfl.nu/1cti
  Replies (2) Good night (1395) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes. http://tfl.nu/qx0i
  Replies (11) Good night (1272) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.

  (239): View more from Florida

  that is the opposite of a normal text message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult. (239): that is the opposite of a normal text message. http://tfl.nu/cufq
  Replies (6) Good night (1501) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.

  (1-585): View more from New York

  How high are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies. (1-585): How high are you? http://tfl.nu/ixro
  Replies (6) Good night (2158) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography. http://tfl.nu/gojc
  Replies (4) Good night (1979) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Love me.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just for one nugget?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Love me. (781): GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS. (508): Just for one nugget? http://tfl.nu/9y03
  Replies (6) Good night (2592) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex. http://tfl.nu/pe6j
  Replies (6) Good night (1087) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over http://tfl.nu/dlzy
  Replies (9) Good night (1211) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I think that's mostly how we became friends.

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I think that's mostly how we became friends. (1-817): Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me. http://tfl.nu/n6nc
  Replies (9) Good night (1646) Bad night (295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour. http://tfl.nu/eqf3
  Replies (10) Good night (1522) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"... http://tfl.nu/sfou
  Replies (5) Good night (1670) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday http://tfl.nu/c1kw
  Replies (5) Good night (1058) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch... http://tfl.nu/v5jz
  Replies (11) Good night (823) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day http://tfl.nu/fpi9
  Replies (4) Good night (698) Bad night (1366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate http://tfl.nu/qxeb
  Replies (5) Good night (1856) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land. http://tfl.nu/euer
  Replies (6) Good night (1652) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no. http://tfl.nu/99ae
  Replies (8) Good night (1692) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf http://tfl.nu/hwzk
  Replies (44) Good night (14691) Bad night (1250) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Farmville is her only friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Farmville is her only friend. http://tfl.nu/6s8i
  Replies (55) Good night (774) Bad night (5582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use." http://tfl.nu/1qa0
  Replies (8) Good night (5438) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food http://tfl.nu/demt
  Replies (20) Good night (3471) Bad night (1296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE (1-847): This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to. http://tfl.nu/xeyh
  Replies (15) Good night (4230) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move. http://tfl.nu/ml5e
  Replies (15) Good night (1379) Bad night (4377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin http://tfl.nu/l2xr
  Replies (11) Good night (5747) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me. http://tfl.nu/c8kx
  Replies (1) Good night (1110) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die. http://tfl.nu/rrxi
  Replies (13) Good night (5768) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals http://tfl.nu/66nw
  Replies (59) Good night (3509) Bad night (2950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend... http://tfl.nu/rj6y
  Replies (4) Good night (2303) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands! http://tfl.nu/blis
  Replies (33) Good night (6160) Bad night (1096)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet. http://tfl.nu/k138
  Replies (12) Good night (792) Bad night (1988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom. http://tfl.nu/gcg6
  Replies (4) Good night (665) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender" http://tfl.nu/qf49
  Replies (3) Good night (1371) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much. http://tfl.nu/2s2x
  Replies (11) Good night (1645) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you http://tfl.nu/813g
  Replies (23) Good night (4164) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc. http://tfl.nu/3vm7
  Replies (3) Good night (1705) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  I'm out of town so we should be golden.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me. (1-419): I'm out of town so we should be golden. http://tfl.nu/4amm
  Replies (5) Good night (2009) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working http://tfl.nu/fz66
  Replies (11) Good night (3322) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight. http://tfl.nu/jrv5
  Replies (7) Good night (4315) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter. http://tfl.nu/smvu
  Replies (12) Good night (5500) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  When were you at my house?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home. (785): When were you at my house? http://tfl.nu/k6cm
  Replies (5) Good night (2769) Bad night (639)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out. http://tfl.nu/5rrz
  Replies (43) Good night (4589) Bad night (1018)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  so how was last night?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): so how was last night? (1-586): got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages. http://tfl.nu/4xoa
  Replies (21) Good night (10182) Bad night (972)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors http://tfl.nu/9psa
  Replies (65) Good night (16409) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this http://tfl.nu/8ri1
  Replies (29) Good night (6406) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success http://tfl.nu/8g5x
  Replies (12) Good night (4100) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours http://tfl.nu/ud9t
  Replies (27) Good night (6121) Bad night (1583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  are you high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers (1-402): are you high? http://tfl.nu/fjf1
  Replies (36) Good night (12193) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing http://tfl.nu/lc8m
  Replies (75) Good night (5374) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding. http://tfl.nu/o5ps
  Replies (7) Good night (2666) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I guess, just don't make it awkward

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I guess, just don't make it awkward (603): MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY http://tfl.nu/y6gk
  Replies (10) Good night (624) Bad night (1378)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain. http://tfl.nu/8aml
  Replies (12) Good night (5537) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight? (1-814): I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me. http://tfl.nu/ovto
  Replies (25) Good night (4620) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back. http://tfl.nu/h2g1
  Replies (26) Good night (8951) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish. http://tfl.nu/0wzx
  Replies (45) Good night (6178) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care http://tfl.nu/5v6y
  Replies (89) Good night (1923) Bad night (3477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how. http://tfl.nu/qfuo
  Replies (6) Good night (2452) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup. http://tfl.nu/dggj
  Replies (4) Good night (4130) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters http://tfl.nu/nwd9
  Replies (2) Good night (1000) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...

  (804): View more from Virginia

  It's called: a legit place to drop acid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage... (804): It's called: a legit place to drop acid. http://tfl.nu/crqc
  Replies (4) Good night (1126) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  please bring me a paper towel asap.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): please bring me a paper towel asap. (540): I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do. http://tfl.nu/d1je
  Replies (10) Good night (3548) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT? (703): I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear. http://tfl.nu/5lvm
  Replies (37) Good night (2746) Bad night (840)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle" http://tfl.nu/r7nr
  Replies (6) Good night (3601) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top! http://tfl.nu/ukef
  Replies (1) Good night (1353) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men http://tfl.nu/a6p1
  Replies (4) Good night (1055) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know where my bra went.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I don't know where my bra went. (1-303): Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy. http://tfl.nu/03yq
  Replies (22) Good night (7780) Bad night (909)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Are you high?

  (510): View more from California

  No. That's why it's odd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I think I speak chipmunk. Odd. (702): Are you high? (510): No. That's why it's odd http://tfl.nu/ybok
  Replies (5) Good night (2119) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions http://tfl.nu/1ufy
  Replies (33) Good night (4223) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga http://tfl.nu/qw9z
  Replies (29) Good night (13126) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor http://tfl.nu/35l1
  Replies (2) Good night (1728) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Her vagina devoured it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"? (1-850): Her vagina devoured it. http://tfl.nu/yu5p
  Replies (8) Good night (4935) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser. http://tfl.nu/232e
  Replies (24) Good night (1655) Bad night (7925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (892): View more from

  YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Only one tier

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Tastes like cardboard anyway

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (892): YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?! (314): Only one tier (314): Tastes like cardboard anyway http://tfl.nu/1yl0
  Replies (1) Good night (1184) Bad night (1277)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute http://tfl.nu/00es
  Replies (33) Good night (24791) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza http://tfl.nu/fivz
  Replies (53) Good night (26161) Bad night (1819)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest http://tfl.nu/54ul
  Replies (41) Good night (27391) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper http://tfl.nu/7n4i
  Replies (54) Good night (27518) Bad night (1335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed? (540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets. http://tfl.nu/2g4o
  Replies (42) Good night (28321) Bad night (1324)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (50) Good night (29873) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day. http://tfl.nu/b0xj
  Replies (29) Good night (33560) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

  (850): View more from Florida

  I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife http://tfl.nu/5iik
  Replies (85) Good night (38116) Bad night (1621)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (97) Good night (40132) Bad night (1530)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (109) Good night (39854) Bad night (1919)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a
  Replies (203) Good night (40008) Bad night (3195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (43619) Bad night (1463)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (175) Good night (51693) Bad night (5691)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (54027) Bad night (4403) Order T-Shirt