Texts From Last Night

britishaccent's Favorites Texts:

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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.

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  (724): Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks. http://tfl.nu/a8rg
  Replies (19) Good night (3487) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born

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  (714): I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born http://tfl.nu/tmja
  Replies (13) Good night (2718) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.

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  (561): i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it. http://tfl.nu/80hm
  Replies (9) Good night (2114) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome

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  (303): there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome http://tfl.nu/x7k0
  Replies (8) Good night (4742) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?

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  (918): Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet? http://tfl.nu/ki3z
  Replies (5) Good night (4294) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.

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  (847): This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword. http://tfl.nu/au8n
  Replies (12) Good night (3747) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell

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  (318): I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell http://tfl.nu/2gyi
  Replies (11) Good night (5881) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal

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  (706): saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal http://tfl.nu/ml27
  Replies (10) Good night (4373) Bad night (1625) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.

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  (330): he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away. http://tfl.nu/7b3j
  Replies (6) Good night (3158) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.

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  (519): ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry. http://tfl.nu/wsym
  Replies (11) Good night (6437) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery

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  (603): its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery http://tfl.nu/k62j
  Replies (4) Good night (2603) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful

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  (608): i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful http://tfl.nu/3xv5
  Replies (4) Good night (945) Bad night (2835) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.

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  (412): he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor. http://tfl.nu/z7yu
  Replies (34) Good night (10706) Bad night (1127) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.

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  (+61): It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination. http://tfl.nu/nbvv
  Replies (3) Good night (2632) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.

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  (603): i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't. http://tfl.nu/rtpf
  Replies (12) Good night (7185) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.

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  (214): I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday. http://tfl.nu/w2er
  Replies (24) Good night (1757) Bad night (4805) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.

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  (415): i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things. http://tfl.nu/f722
  Replies (1) Good night (2044) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room

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  (978): Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room http://tfl.nu/x49g
  Replies (5) Good night (4714) Bad night (1650) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.

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  (505): judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too. http://tfl.nu/lecl
  Replies (5) Good night (2799) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.

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  (205): She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends. http://tfl.nu/ogdq
  Replies (5) Good night (755) Bad night (2234) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.

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  (802): there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight. http://tfl.nu/b4oz
  Replies (10) Good night (2473) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am

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  (513): walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am http://tfl.nu/e35n
  Replies (13) Good night (3352) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.

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  (306): I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not. http://tfl.nu/ytdq
  Replies (5) Good night (3363) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods

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  (706): They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods http://tfl.nu/a68f
  Replies (13) Good night (6601) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.

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  (405): You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up. http://tfl.nu/06n7
  Replies (8) Good night (3301) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  where's my purse there's an important taco in it

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  (908): where's my purse there's an important taco in it http://tfl.nu/d9zq
  Replies (19) Good night (7009) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.

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  (817): When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar. http://tfl.nu/ucur
  Replies (15) Good night (4934) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one

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  (613): You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one http://tfl.nu/l60l
  Replies (5) Good night (4631) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.

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  (+44): she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together. http://tfl.nu/1f9e
  Replies (2) Good night (2716) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.

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  (603): You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing. http://tfl.nu/vk7w
  Replies (6) Good night (4126) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever

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  (303): Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever http://tfl.nu/gvxq
  Replies (21) Good night (9982) Bad night (1541) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I think this baby is eyeing my beer

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  (480): I think this baby is eyeing my beer http://tfl.nu/6ms6
  Replies (13) Good night (4690) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.

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  (904): Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do. http://tfl.nu/0tan
  Replies (18) Good night (5646) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.

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  (321): I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident. http://tfl.nu/j6a8
  Replies (6) Good night (4178) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.

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  (804): I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either. http://tfl.nu/j4vn
  Replies (5) Good night (3501) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  The pine trees are waving at me.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Put the pipe down honey.

  (253): View more from Washington

  Hi trees.

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  (253): The pine trees are waving at me. (907): Put the pipe down honey. (253): Hi trees. http://tfl.nu/6b23
  Replies (16) Good night (7574) Bad night (1249)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?

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  (412): Why are there maracas in the dishwasher? http://tfl.nu/o2j7
  Replies (14) Good night (5021) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I swear to god he's a one man village people.

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  (503): I swear to god he's a one man village people. http://tfl.nu/tro1
  Replies (13) Good night (2757) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning

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  (817): All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning http://tfl.nu/qcnv
  Replies (9) Good night (3153) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  She's never allowed to turn 21 again

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  (702): She's never allowed to turn 21 again http://tfl.nu/eyqp
  Replies (9) Good night (4357) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us

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  (920): We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us http://tfl.nu/fe65
  Replies (16) Good night (3495) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.

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  (440): As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season. http://tfl.nu/uyun
  Replies (17) Good night (5318) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!

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  (336): That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on! http://tfl.nu/2bv6
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber

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  (540): there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber http://tfl.nu/88lc
  Replies (10) Good night (3422) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?

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  (412): You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy? http://tfl.nu/p3a3
  Replies (9) Good night (3721) Bad night (744)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?

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  (908): Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body? http://tfl.nu/k849
  Replies (12) Good night (3752) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...

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  (615): But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume... http://tfl.nu/x6iy
  Replies (5) Good night (4172) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.

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  (907): I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized. http://tfl.nu/0yaa
  Replies (12) Good night (3303) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.

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  (864): no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job. http://tfl.nu/97jt
  Replies (18) Good night (7533) Bad night (1455) Order T-Shirt
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.

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  (229): He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him. http://tfl.nu/c2pz
  Replies (12) Good night (6079) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?

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  (678): He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa? http://tfl.nu/j68l
  Replies (7) Good night (3330) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"

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  (757): You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis" http://tfl.nu/xzec
  Replies (27) Good night (7927) Bad night (1342) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.

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  (919): sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer. http://tfl.nu/u6do
  Replies (12) Good night (5690) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot

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  (630): You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot http://tfl.nu/u2s7
  Replies (8) Good night (4032) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Why is your signature on my underwear?

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  (419): Why is your signature on my underwear? http://tfl.nu/8itl
  Replies (19) Good night (5832) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue

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  (763): Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue http://tfl.nu/sfb5
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

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  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (57) Good night (13969) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store

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  (828): yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store http://tfl.nu/iz0y
  Replies (8) Good night (5819) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.

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  (502): update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive. http://tfl.nu/e1l9
  Replies (10) Good night (4446) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.

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  (801): He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often. http://tfl.nu/6bnz
  Replies (31) Good night (9948) Bad night (835)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.

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  (864): I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you. http://tfl.nu/pv7t
  Replies (11) Good night (6953) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.

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  (913): i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire. http://tfl.nu/gd8k
  Replies (6) Good night (4959) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters

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  (918): There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters http://tfl.nu/8485
  Replies (82) Good night (10721) Bad night (1508) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

  (850): View more from Florida

  I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

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  (850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife http://tfl.nu/5iik
  Replies (84) Good night (36449) Bad night (1297)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.

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  (734): Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual. http://tfl.nu/o9rr
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are

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  (717): we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are http://tfl.nu/vwno
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"

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  (503): He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy" http://tfl.nu/s0u1
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you

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  (303): you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you http://tfl.nu/wspo
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

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  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
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  (716): View more from New York

  He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.

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  (716): He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready. http://tfl.nu/z83a
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.

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  (215): you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger. http://tfl.nu/jxnv
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  (212): View more from New York

  it was like a zeppelin in a condom

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  (212): it was like a zeppelin in a condom http://tfl.nu/vkzf
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

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  (603): Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ivw8
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed

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  (765): She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed http://tfl.nu/bbsg
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

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  (918): when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace. http://tfl.nu/irh2
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.

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  (484): Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/6dfu
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.

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  (859): I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat. http://tfl.nu/m2ko
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril

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  (603): judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril http://tfl.nu/m6dd
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.

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  (201): oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay. http://tfl.nu/lkny
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.

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  (256): He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front. http://tfl.nu/08qp
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.

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  (513): he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk. http://tfl.nu/epms
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life

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  (678): xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life http://tfl.nu/zerk
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night

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  (678): So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night http://tfl.nu/pxx7
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.

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  (678): The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic. http://tfl.nu/0ai8
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.

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  (678): Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college. http://tfl.nu/311k
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.

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  (770): He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle. http://tfl.nu/uuu6
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow

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  (770): i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow http://tfl.nu/owei
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.

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  (770): It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college. http://tfl.nu/l73u
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding

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  (770): The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding http://tfl.nu/pa6f
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.

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  (401): it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher. http://tfl.nu/14gf
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.

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  (902): driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are. http://tfl.nu/vxum
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.

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  (609): you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off. http://tfl.nu/5lgs
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.

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  (205): I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers. http://tfl.nu/jlqp
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.

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  (401): Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name. http://tfl.nu/4teg
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic

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  (708): Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic http://tfl.nu/vj27
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me

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  (215): i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me http://tfl.nu/j6i2
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here

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  (859): Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here http://tfl.nu/kvme
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  (239): View more from Florida

  apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms

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  (239): apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms http://tfl.nu/7buk
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'

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  (360): Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving' http://tfl.nu/j3uq
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.

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  (508): she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it. http://tfl.nu/mcxs
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.

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  (973): random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question. http://tfl.nu/ra0q
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.

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  (617): You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias. http://tfl.nu/4ikl
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme

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  (662): looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme http://tfl.nu/w8jn
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"

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  (740): There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!" http://tfl.nu/rva9
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