looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Send us your Text From Last Night!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just found puke in my bra..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
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