Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
